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I feel guilty


Ronnys93

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I had an online friend that I communicated with through form of an online game back in 2010. We stayed in contact through now and starting around 2017 or so it got a bit flirty. Finally, since both of us were independent, I was able to make time out to visit him (he's about 6 hours away). We had an awesome visit for about 3 days. After coming back home, he did tell me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because of some internal issues he was dealing with. He was insistent that we meet again and soon. Other days, he'd message me and tell me that he missed me. Being a member of LS, I know that "I'm not ready" most of the time means "I'm not into you", so I laid off and just accepted that he was going to be my friend. Over the years we had talked a lot about his graduation and how important it was to him. I planned a surprise with a close friend of his to make a visit for graduation and his friend got the details for me.

 

A few days later, he texted me that he was feeling sour because he didn't have anyone who'd be there romantically to watch him walk across the stage. Now granted, I understand that I'm only a friend. But I did ask him why he wasn't as honest and just say he wasn't into me instead of giving me the easy let down. I would have respected that type of honesty. It turned into a phone call, where he basically said that he thought I would stop being his friend if he was honest. :rolleyes:

 

 

I ended up telling him about the surprise because he insisted that nothing special was going on for graduation and it wasn't "enough" that certain people were there for him. Which made me feel pretty badly.

I did understand that it may have been hard to be honest with me, given that he knew I had feelings. He claimed he didn't want me to feel my trip was a waste. :rolleyes:

 

After that phone call, I haven't actually heard from him. I even let him know that I forgive him for not being able to be completely up front and that I would like to still continue as friends as we've been great all the way up till now. We'd just have to make sure our boundaries are straight and we know where we stand. My messages have still been left on read. I feel as if I messed things up. I'm not gonna send him any more messages, but I really feel like I'm gonna lose my friend. I know he's probably not answering because he needs time to assess and needs some space. I just feel guilty at this point for even developing feelings for him.

Edited by Ronnys93
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You cannot really help that you developed feelings for him. Go to his graduation to show him there are no hard feelings on your part - be there as a friend for him. Then, let the chips fall where they may. By going to his graduation, you've shown him that you do not have hard feelings. After that, the ball is in his court. If he stops all contact, it will be hard, but you will be okay.

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You cannot really help that you developed feelings for him. Go to his graduation to show him there are no hard feelings on your part - be there as a friend for him. Then, let the chips fall where they may. By going to his graduation, you've shown him that you do not have hard feelings. After that, the ball is in his court. If he stops all contact, it will be hard, but you will be okay.

 

We had a conversation tonight. Thank you. He felt as if he couldn't respond to me as he thought we would end up making things worse. But we talked it out, said our apologizes and are going to be moving forward as the friends we were. I'm relieved and grateful that we were able to get it straightened out.

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