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really depressed, unable to cope?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 11th March 2019, 11:36 AM   #1
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really depressed, unable to cope?

It has been 7 months since the breakup. She dumped me out of the blue, when everything was going great, we were talking about getting a house together. (I think she had a fling with someone).

No contact has been 4 months. I was the one who stupidly reached out, and asked her if we could just remain friends, she told me she wanted to remain friends but needed more time. I then laid out my feelings towards her once again pouring out every emotion and love for her. After that text, she ghosted me.. no reply.

For some reason i cannot get over this breakup. Ive had breakups before with longer term girlfriends, but this one is different. I have been in a dark depression since she ghosted me. I have done everything that is recommended to heal a breakup (gym everyday, gone out and met new people). When I go out and talk with new girls I dont have a desire to socialize with them, I just want to go home and lay in bed.

My friends try and get me to go out, but I have lost most of my interests. everyday that passes feels like im slipping deeper into a hole of depression. I peeked at her social media from time to time, and she seems like she is out having a blast, meeting new people and enjoying life. I am here dying inside, and she could care less.

Has anyone else out there felt this bad for this long? I really am desperate for some solid advice. thanks for reading
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Old 11th March 2019, 11:37 AM   #2
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It may be time to talk to your doctor and get a little medical help to get you over the hump here.
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Old 11th March 2019, 1:25 PM   #3
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Stop peeking at her social media. It's making you bonkers.

When you get a cut, a scab forms to help you heal. If you pick the scab you make yourself bleed all over again & delay your healing. When you have a broken heart, looking at the EXs social media is picking the scab. Stop.

When your friends encourage you to go out, go. Movement helps cure depression. When you feel like you want to stay him under the covers, that is exactly when you should go out.
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Old 11th March 2019, 3:26 PM   #4
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I spoke with a therapist awhile back, it was nice to have someone who wants to listen, but i felt like i was just going in circles with the progress. and I really dont want to take medication.

I deleted my social media today, and gonna try my hardest to leave it that way for some time. I have accepted those invites plenty of times to go out, but my male instinct to go and approach a women and engage in conversation has went away. I end up standing there awkwardly and sit inside my head and think about my ex or negative thoughts, while my friends engage a group of girls..

I was never like that before. I really dont feel like starting a new relationship, and go through all the early stage stuff.. I just want to continue where i left off and have a person who i have history with and already know each other on a personal level if that makes sense ...
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Old 11th March 2019, 5:58 PM   #5
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Forget the male instincts about hunting for your next mate. You are not ready for that.

Instead, spend time with friends. Talk to them . . . not necessarily about emotions but the game, current events, who burps the loudest. Just engage with your buddies. In time you will feel more grounded & open to a new relationship. You are just not there yet but it will come if you let it & stop being hung up on your EX.
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Old 11th March 2019, 7:06 PM   #6
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You're depressed but keep going out with friends. You don't have to try to pick up women, though. Just keep moving.

And don't have an attitude about antidepressants. Wouldn't you rather feel better in a couple of weeks than not? They're not addictive. If you take them exactly as prescribed and report any side effects or anything you might get or lack of progress and listen to the doc about how long they take to haven an effect, they can be very helpful. Do not EVER stop taking them without talking to the doctor first and him telling you how to go about that.
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Old 11th March 2019, 8:46 PM   #7
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Iíve been feeling that way for 13 months man. It sucks. I go for a while feeling a little better but still think about her everyday. She moved on fairly quickly with a coworker and it destroyed me. Iíve never felt pain so deep in my life.

Iíve been on antidepressants since day 1 and in therapy. I wish I had an answer for you. Iíve recenty started listening to audiobooks by Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now). It helps a bit but nothing takes away the sting. I recently got off of social media bc I was checking up on her. I do think itís better to not know what theyíre up to. Itís like they no longer exist, in whatever sense someone cannot exist but still take up residence in your mind.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Just wanted you to know youíre not alone.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:49 AM   #8
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Im hesitant to get on antidepressants because for one i hear there are bad side effects that might make me more depressed, and I dont want to be dependent on them if i were to try and come off.

thanks teddyp. It is the worst feeling ever. Since the breakup I have lost all my passions and interests that I has when i was with her... her and my interests were exactly alike, that its impossible to find a replacement...
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Old 12th March 2019, 1:04 PM   #9
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I'm no fan of better living through chemistry & I can't take them anyway do to the side effects but I am a firm believer in talk therapy.
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Old 12th March 2019, 1:13 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hrting View Post
Im hesitant to get on antidepressants because for one i hear there are bad side effects that might make me more depressed, and I dont want to be dependent on them if i were to try and come off.

thanks teddyp. It is the worst feeling ever. Since the breakup I have lost all my passions and interests that I has when i was with her... her and my interests were exactly alike, that its impossible to find a replacement...
Stop believing what you hear about antidepressants. Why I told you not to take them in a different way then prescribed and to tell your doc if there's any side effect is because somthing like 80 percent of psychiatric patients do not take their meds correctly, and then they have the nerve to go around saying they know better than the doctor and the drugs are bad, etc. It's BS.

If you have a side effect, the doc either adjusts the dose or changes meds. The only time I've heard of dire consequences is when some idiot patient stops taking only a certain type of accumulative med on their own suddenly without doctor instructions, and that can certainly spiral you downward, because why? Because without it you're depressed, that's why.
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Old 14th March 2019, 4:56 PM   #11
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Hey OP.
Just have a look at McGrupp's list of 10 rules:
1) It will take time
2) Take her off the pedestal
3) Practice NC
4) STOP BEING A PUSSY
5) Forgive Yourself and Her
6) Meet new women (when you are ready)
7) Find your passion
8) Remember The Good Times and The Bad Times
9) REBUILD YOUR EGO
10) Learn

Do read the original thread.
https://www.loveshack.org/forums/bre...year-ago-today
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Old 18th March 2019, 3:56 AM   #12
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op:

antidepressants are not your enemy, but don't take medicine if you don't want to go that route. they do have side effects that are undesirable, but for folks that need them, the tradeoff is acceptable.

anyhow, you do sound clinically depressed which worries me a little. please get out of the house everyday and exercise. spend less time in front of the screen, computer OR phone, and keep engaging with your surroundings.

we're here for you.
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Old 18th March 2019, 9:59 AM   #13
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OP, don't beat yourself up. We all heal in our own time. There is no "right" amount of time. It takes what it takes. Try to accept that this is where you are and that is ok. Just keep moving forward the best you can. I don't know how long you were together, but it's very reasonable that someone is not "over" a long term relationship in 7 months. Those feelings don't just vanish in a puff of smoke. It takes time for them to lessen. I do agree that staying off her social media will help. It's like a drug addict convincing themselves they can have just a tiny bit. Look yourself in the mirror and promise yourself not to look at it again.

I was on anti-depressants for a year after a break up that I couldn't get past. I was in the worst depression I've ever had. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. All I did was go to work, come home, sit in front of the tv and cry. I was never actively suicidal, but I got to the point that I could see how people considered it and it scared me. I felt like I was in a hole and would never get out. That was the worst part, feeling like there was no hope for me. The medication saved my life, 100%. I was on them for a year and then got off and haven't needed them since then. It's not a failure to need help when you are depressed. I suspect that part of the reason that you "can't get over" her is that you are depressed and are mistaking this as being all about her.
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