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My Ex girlfriend still wants to be friends but i cant cope with it!!


coolsab

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Hi all, I am a new user to this site and am hoping to get some good advice with a recent break up i have been through. I am not going to waffle on to much but to cut a long story short i am 25yrs old and my ex girlfriend was 22yrs old. We were together for about 13months or so and madly in love with each other at one point. Looking back on it i dont really know why we were as we had a crap relationship... we probably argued 90% of the time, i kid you not... so i dont understand why i am having some much trouble getting over this relationship.

 

She finished with me at the end of may this year and still to today it is driving me crazy. I have tried the No Contact and it works for a while. I deleted her number so that i couldn't ring her but when she calls or txt i can't force myself not to answer... well i can the first few times but then i do answer. She has openly said that she wants to be friends and to be honest it has been her making the effort to keep in contact since we split.

 

I dont really know what to do. We have met up a few times since the break but everytime i come home missing her even more. When we chat i get my hopes up that she wants me back when she obviously doesn't. I have just deleted her number again and told myself that i will have NC but i dont know if i will stick to it when / if she calls. I hope so. I still think about her all the time. I have just booked a flight abroad for 3months to get well out of sight out of mind and i really hope that it works.

 

Any advice would be great.

 

PS. your not going to believe this but she just tried to call. I didn't answer. But then tried to call her back and she didn't answer. i have NO WILL POWER... please help. Thanks for listening.

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stepping out and having a fresh start, doing something for you is EXACTLY what you need...go for it...

 

you have to make it clear to her that she is hurting you by contacting you right now...

 

tell her you're not ready, afterall, she is not a mind reader and maybe in a very different place to you...

 

she may be ready to be just friends, but if you are not, dont allow yourself to be messed around...

 

it makes no difference now, you are going away...

 

but maybe you should be upfront and direct to her as to her intentions in keeping in touch...ask her why it is so important to her...put her on the spot...maybe she needs to ask herself this question...

 

unless she is ready to talk with you about reconciliation, dont give her the satisfaction of your time...it will only lengthen your mourning and moving on process...believe me, i know...

 

take control and cut her off, for your own good

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Thanks for the prompt reply Francis.

 

She actually just called and i spoke to her. Just normal chit chat...how you been...that kind of stuff. (its only been 2days since she last called) I have now told her that i have booked my flight and when i am going and for how long. She made a point of saying that she definitely wants to stay in contact while i'm away and that she wants to see me before i go. I dont know what to do. She asked me if i wanted to see her and my answer was "only if you want to see me" and she said of course she did! The problem is that deep down of course i want to see her too!

 

Now i am thinking about her even more... I wish we had never meet...well thats a lie but i wish that was how i felt.

 

I am worried that i will go away and end up pining over her and that when i come back that nothing will have changed. With regards to what you said about telling her that i do not want any contact with her i am finding that really difficult to do... as deep down i obviously do as i still care for her... but it hurts when i have talked to her that we are no longer together. If i cut her out completely i suppose that will be the final nail in the coffin... but i dont want to hurt her...

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Your ex is doing exactly what my ex is doing. He was the one that initiated the breakup but he insist on calling. He never lets 48 hours go by without calling me and making small talk. I did the same thing you did and deleted his number. I never did memorize his phone number so I know that it helps to delete it, however he calls and like a big dummy I pick up. I can't help it I still care about him so when I see his number pop up my heart skips a beat. I wish I could do like you and take off for a couple of months. That will be great for you and if I was you I would not give her a way to contact me while I was gone.

I am in a weird place bc when he calls I feel great at the beginning of the call and just wind up missing him more after we get off the phone. However when he hasn't called, which this is the second day without contact from him, it drives me crazy and I really want to hear from him. See how screwed up I am. Best of luck to you. Just wanted you to know that others like myself go thru the same thing you are.

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Thank you for your reply Katty. You are right in the fact that we are obviously in exactly that same position. It is nice to know that i am not the only person struggling everyday with this...although i wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy.

 

Since my last post (2hrs ago) she has txt me a few times and it was just getting harder each time to 'casually' reply. I understand exactly what you were saying about feeling happy when you see the number flashing up and then upset and hurt when they have gone. How long has it been since you both split?

 

I have taken the plunge and told her not to contact me anymore and to wait for me to contact her. Since our break up in May the longest amount of time i have managed with no contact was about 9days as i was ignoring her phone calls and txt but i gave in... and look where i am... in the same position I was when she ended it. You always think that they are calling to get back together with us but that is never the case. There is no point holding on for something that is never going to happen! This was very very hard to do i can assure you but i see no other way to get over her. This contact everyday is just keeping me dangling so that she can pick me up and call whenever she needs me but leaves me in pieces the days that she doesn't. She will only now realise what she has lost now that i am not here for her. I advise that you try and do the same. Just tell him, as i told her, that you want to be friends but you need sometime apart to move on.

 

I have let this girl ruin my life. I have left my job (and i had a really good job as well) so that i could go abroad to forget about her. I have an open ticket for 3months but i might not return... I hate that i have let myself be hurt so much... It will never happen again. NOW IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS!!! Hang in there!

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If you can't see her as just a friend don't be a friend.

 

Best advise I can give when dealing with someone you still have feelings for...

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coolsab,

Our breakup is really fresh. The hardest part for me is I waited so long after my last heartache to love again. I was scared to death to feel too much. Now I am reminded why I kept my guard up. To answer your question we have been broken up only about 10 days. It was weird he broke up with me on a Saturday but got mad at me for going on a date that night. Called me on Sunday, called me on Wed. Called me on Thursday, Friday and then on Saturday when he called I got upset during our conversation and told him we just didn't need to talk anymore. He then called me about 4 am Sunday bc I was out with my gfs at a out of town club and to be honest I can't remember much about the conversation, yes I was a little tipsy. opps. Also he left a blank message on my voice mail around 3:45 and it showed missed call at that same time.

The sad thing is we had a really good rs, everything was going great. He had just gotten me to agree to see each other exclusive and I really didn't see the breakup coming. Arghh if only we had a big fight or something, then maybe I would be able to forget him.

It is hard to concentrate on work, etc. when our heart is breaking. I hope you get a new perspective on her and your life while you are gone. So where are you going?

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Hey Katty,

 

You hang in there babe, you will be ok. You are doing the best thing by going out with friends and socialising as much as possible. That was my mistake as for the first 6 weeks or so i didn't do anything apart from work and stay at home. The last 2 weeks have been different and i must admit that being out and around my friends does really help. The reason i am so angry with myself is that if i had cut contact 8 weeks ago i might just be over her by now. Since i have spoken to her tonight and started to miss her and want her again it feels like i have to start all over again. That is why going away should really help me. To answer your question i am going to Tunisia to relax for a while. Will probably go travelling to different places afterwards.

 

From what i have read in your messages, and i could be wrong, i get the impression that your ex is not actually over you if he is calling you so frequently and is getting jealous when you are out. How long were you together? Have you ever split up before? How old are you both? Sorry for the questions but it might help me understand your rs a little better.

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coolsab,

Do you really think he still cares? Then why is he being such an a--? Who knows, I could kick my own butt for getting my heart broke again. We have only dated a little under 6 months and this should not be hard for me to get over bc it is the shortest rs that I have ever had. I am just so dang confused. I am older than him by a couple of years, I am 35 he is 32.

Any help or advice you can give me would be appreciated.

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katty,

 

Do you have msn? we can chat on there? i will give you my address then i will edit the post when you have it, ok? add me: make sure i know its you. If i dont think its you i will not add : DONE!

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Ok Katty, If the PM doesn't work, as i just tried to send you one, then email me at the address i have given you now so that i have yours. Maybe then download msn so we can chat instantly, ok?

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Just got it now. I have just removed my address from the post. Would you rather we chat on email or here until you get a hotmail account and MSN?? Which you could do now if you so wished??

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