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Made it over a year of NC


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 2nd February 2019, 6:30 PM   #1
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Made it over a year of NC

First time poster, long time lurker on these boards.

I've made it over an entire year with NC. I lost 34 pounds from diet and working out, bettered myself in various other faculties and the NC still kinda sucks. It's easier but man there are moments when I feel so much anxiety.

Her new relationship with her work colleague failed (heard through a friend). She finally unfollowed me on social media (which I had done over a year ago). I have literally no way to contact her, and I'm surprised she hasn't contacted me.

Going from speaking everyday to zero communication for 15 months is crazy. Sometimes I really want to text her, but I can't since I deleted her number and never memorized it.

Thought I'd end up marrying her to be honest, but here we are.

One thing that has consistently gotten me through the worst times is remembering back to a quote I heard

"When things go wrong, don't go with them."

Here's to another 15 months.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 7:00 PM   #2
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You should reach out

You have nothing to lose. Reach out to your EX if you still want her.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 7:04 PM   #3
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Do not contact her. You have 1 year's worth of progress to lose.
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Old 2nd February 2019, 7:09 PM   #4
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That's a good quote!!
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Old 2nd February 2019, 7:15 PM   #5
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Hi Blackiron,

Congrats to making it to 15 months my friend. I know the agony and struggle that came with that number.

Great quote. I'm going to remember it.

To relate, last thing I was in, my ex ended up returning to her ex 2 days after we ended. We ended because of him, because I knew she wasn't over him. She cut me out and eventually married the guy inside of a year and moved far away. I never heard from her again. Funny thing is she told me she loved me not 2 weeks before all this..was also talking about a future with me. She complained about this guy everyday while with me and never hesitated to remind me that I treated her better than he did. If it wasn't for that need for intimacy and companionship, I would have admitted to the red flag which was her making comparisons and still bringing him up in conversation..but we have hope that it will all work out don't we..because when we are committed to someone, we look for solutions instead of problems.

Still amazes me that there are people who can go from acting like you matter to them to nothing..just like that.

It's been about 18 months for me.

Cheers

- Beach
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Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 2nd February 2019 at 7:57 PM.. Reason: removed quote
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Old 3rd February 2019, 2:47 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abotha5 View Post
You have nothing to lose. Reach out to your EX if you still want her.
This is terrible advice. You have all your progress at stake to lose.

Although itís been 2.5 years since I got dumped, itís only been 13 months NC because I stupidly listened to my (female) therapist who thought it would be a good idea to reach out to my ex.

Didnít go as she (or I) had hoped.

It wasnít all bad I guess, I finally realized I was holding a torch for someone who didnít give a flying F about me.

Still, I would not recommend it.

Kudos to you this far. - look forward to when you stop counting the months because you are completely over her.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 8:35 PM   #7
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15 months is pretty good. But forever is even better. I'm 5 months in and I went NC from day 1, so the 15 month mark sounds awesome to me! The anxiety comes and goes it seems, but nothing like the first couple of months. That quote you posted is one I'm gonna take with me. I'm perfectly fine staying NC because in no way am I willing to reward my ex's behavior by reaching out, no matter how I may feel in any given moment. Keep it up and welcome to the forum.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 11:51 PM   #8
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Thanks for the support everybody. Rekindling some of my old hobbies and really committing to being better than I was has been a major factor in my ability to progress through NC.

One of the best metaphors I've ever heard was that you have to stop feeding things that weren't meant to grow in your life. Contacting my ex would be like pouring water on concrete and expecting a garden. Hard to accept, but when you start to view the relationship in a realer way, it makes sense and helps you process.
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Old 21st February 2019, 12:22 AM   #9
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When you go that long, sure the heart aches for the normal life you had together, and fantasy takes hold what if, but could the heart take another rejection if you sent a text ' I miss you' and the return answer wasn't what you fantasised. Focus on the bad points and move onwards. I'm still trying this method. It's hard, doesn't get any easier. Single life is even harder when you're biggest fear is being alone also
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Old 21st February 2019, 7:31 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
This is terrible advice. You have all your progress at stake to lose.

Although itís been 2.5 years since I got dumped, itís only been 13 months NC because I stupidly listened to my (female) therapist who thought it would be a good idea to reach out to my ex.

Didnít go as she (or I) had hoped.

It wasnít all bad I guess, I finally realized I was holding a torch for someone who didnít give a flying F about me.

Still, I would not recommend it.

Kudos to you this far. - look forward to when you stop counting the months because you are completely over her.
I am 25 months into NC after the bu that brought me to love shack. I can say with certainty that things get easier, and I wince at what a fool I acted like during that time, but it did spur the growth I experienced afterwards.

My current lady will sometimes creep my ex, and will inform me that she is again with a new man, I think #3 at this point. She knows how difficult that time was, and we get a brief chuckle out of it, and then continue on.

I also concur - do not contact this person. In your case they have had 15 months to contact you, and if they wanted to be talking to you, they would.

My current lady is kind, forgiving, and communicative - a stark contrast from before. My life is calm and she helps keep me steady instead of causing drama.

I would invite you to find the same.

And wassup seven, been awhile. Lol
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Old 21st February 2019, 8:46 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bromeo View Post
I am 25 months into NC after the bu that brought me to love shack. I can say with certainty that things get easier, and I wince at what a fool I acted like during that time, but it did spur the growth I experienced afterwards.

My current lady will sometimes creep my ex, and will inform me that she is again with a new man, I think #3 at this point. She knows how difficult that time was, and we get a brief chuckle out of it, and then continue on.

I also concur - do not contact this person. In your case they have had 15 months to contact you, and if they wanted to be talking to you, they would.

My current lady is kind, forgiving, and communicative - a stark contrast from before. My life is calm and she helps keep me steady instead of causing drama.

I would invite you to find the same.

And wassup seven, been awhile. Lol
Yo Bromeo! Glad to see you are doing well.

Luckily, I have zero idea what my ex is doing nor do I care to know.

My current gf is hotter and a much better communicator which helps things along.

The best thing I got out of this breakup is the ability to be on my own. I realized I do not need a woman so Iím ready to bounce if required. I also realized I do not have issues getting women (just finding ones I want to keep).

I have such an unattached approach to outcomes now it leads to far less disappointment.

Iíd be lying if I said I reached apathy in regards to my ex, but I have come a million miles since the breakup. Sounds like you have as well.

Good job brother.
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