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Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 10th February 2019, 11:47 PM   #46
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I'm looking forward to going on my trip next month. Which is to his city, it was already booked.
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When someone dumps you, you learn how much you don't matter to them.

Give me loyalty.
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Old 11th February 2019, 1:52 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by nolanola View Post
It's ok that you have broken "the rules". Almost everyone does at first because it's just too hard to just pick yourself up and walk away totally. However, the BEST thing you can do right now is to go no contact. It is also the hardest thing to do.<snip>
I would like to say that out of my 3 ex's - none have ever contacted me after NC. I've even approached one and they ignored me.

So like I don't believe in that whole "they will definitely contact you". And my first ex was 5 years ago and he is married now...so I would assume he ain't gonna do it now =P

I think just do it for yourself. I don't think about that first ex anymore obviously (I'm no home wrecker lmao) but seriously it's so long ago and even though it took me a year to get over him - I'm totally over him. Married or not. Doesn't matter - it was a long part of my past. And even if he gets divorced or whatever, doesn't matter - I don't need him to contact me ever again in this lifetime. I ran into him in the elevator a few years back and we didn't even say hi - well I don't know if he wanted to, but again it's pointless. What is done is done.

And honestly people rarely change their minds. If they do, then so be it. But you really have to move on for yourself.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 11th February 2019 at 5:23 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 11th February 2019, 2:10 PM   #48
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@fieldsoflavender, I had one ex come back after 18 years (after he was married for at least 10 of those years). Of course, by then I could not have cared less about him and was confused as to why he was contacting me.

I completely agree that NC is ultimately for the person that was dumped. It helps you to move on and heal yourself. In my experience, pretty much all of my exes have "come back" in some way later, but it's not usually an attempt to get back together, that I can tell. It's more an attempt to see what you're doing, to re-establish contact, or soothe their conscience, whatever. However, I think a lot of people struggle with NC and can't seem to keep at it. So I think whatever you need to tell yourself at first to keep going, that's what you do. Some people are NC ninjas and can just walk away without a second glance. I've never been that way. I'm an anxious person and I find that the obsessive thoughts are pretty tough. So, for me, what you quoted is how I view NC and it has helped me a lot.

I find, that if you stay NC, you do get over the person and start to feel a sense of peace about them. Or indifference maybe. And, for me, that's always when they've reached out. But then again, maybe that has to do with the men I've dated. I've had several back and forth, on and off relationships. So it makes more sense that those guys would come back, because that's the nature of our relationship.

With one ex, if I saw him in an elevator, I would probably ignore him too. Sometimes things are just done It took me years of NC to get to the point that I never wanted to see him again.
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Old 11th February 2019, 2:11 PM   #49
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Just **** off.

(Not to you LS people of course)
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Old 2nd March 2019, 3:18 PM   #50
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In eleven days I'll be going to his city. I could have this mindset while I'm there that, he doesn't exist and he never existed.
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Old 6th March 2019, 12:30 AM   #51
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You didn't even come.
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Old 11th March 2019, 1:08 AM   #52
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Go on my holiday this week. To the city where he lives.
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Old 11th March 2019, 3:31 PM   #53
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I went through a tough time when she left me out of nowhere when everything seemed amazing. Here i am 7 months post break up and i still miss what she was, not who she is now...

I tried to go see her in her home city while i was away on vacation and texted her while i was out there asking if we could meet up for coffee or food. didnt even get a text back, she completely ignored my message. It was a horrible feeling and set me back months of progress. She became someone else, not the person i was in love with. So just be careful when trying to re connect
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Old 11th March 2019, 8:29 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by Hrting View Post
I went through a tough time when she left me out of nowhere when everything seemed amazing. Here i am 7 months post break up and i still miss what she was, not who she is now...

I tried to go see her in her home city while i was away on vacation and texted her while i was out there asking if we could meet up for coffee or food. didnt even get a text back, she completely ignored my message. It was a horrible feeling and set me back months of progress. She became someone else, not the person i was in love with. So just be careful when trying to re connect
Thank you for your warning. My trip was already booked though, before he dumped me.

Had your ex met someone prior to dumping you?

Last edited by MeadowFlower; 11th March 2019 at 8:34 PM..
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Old 11th March 2019, 9:24 PM   #55
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Couldn't you cancel the trip and suck up the losses and go somewhere else? Or did you have to do something else there?

I had some trips booked during one of my break-ups and I suffered cancellation costs but so be it.
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Old 12th March 2019, 1:50 AM   #56
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Couldn't you cancel the trip and suck up the losses and go somewhere else? Or did you have to do something else there?
I don't think that's necessary, or worth the waste of money.
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Old 12th March 2019, 2:15 AM   #57
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Did you at least have a good time? Well I guess in my situation, I didn't like the location to begin with. I would never have gone if it wasn't for the person's family member's wedding. So I coughed up the cancellation fee since I had no business flying there. But if you did want to tour the city or could otherwise get something else out of it.
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Old 12th March 2019, 3:32 AM   #58
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Did you at least have a good time?
I have yet to go. There are more shops there than there are where I live.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:45 AM   #59
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Thank you for your warning. My trip was already booked though, before he dumped me.

Had your ex met someone prior to dumping you?

I guess ill never know. she moved close to family while looking for a job, so she could move with me to a new city together. a month later she said she didnt love me enough to make the distance work. but to me it seemed like she met someone while away, it all happened over night like if she wanted to dump me before she went to see the guy
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:27 PM   #60
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Today's the day.
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