What is wrong with me?

[TurntSloth1]

Not really coping well this week at all. The sleepless nights have come back and I'm finding myself exhausted and distracted at work all over again.

Thoughts of her are raging through my mind and then as if someone up above is laughing at me, I walk out of a work meeting from a client's office around lunchtime today and who do I bump into (almost physically, it was that close) on my way to the station?

 

First time I've laid eyes on her in almost 6 months (NC) and now I just feel weird. I honestly don't even think she noticed me, we didn't even make eye contact but the whole thing has rocked me. She looked like a different person, I had to triple take before I was even sure it was her... she seemed taller than I remember, and she was wearing a new coat too. Without wanting to sound bitchy, she didn't even look good... as in she looked ill or hungover... idk

 

How can I still be feeling like this about someone I haven't spoken to or seen for 6 months?? We were only 'together' for a couple of months initially, then **** happened and we were kinda on and off for another 6 months or so up until this summer.

 

I feel like I'm doing all the right things in terms of going blocking her, focusing on myself, staying social, meeting new people. I've even recently started dating again after genuinely feeling a lot better, and I'm honestly enjoying it, but then just when I thought I was over the whole thing I find myself in a cold sweat at AM on Monday morning and I'm back to square one.

 

What's left to do at this stage? I still think about her every day - I don't particularly want to be in a relationship with her but she's always in my head regardless. I've never been completely NC with anyone before and I'm really struggling.

[planb1973]

Yes, its normal to feel "back to square one" when you run into an ex you still hold feelings for. You said she looked different, its because she is and so are you. You have been doing better and starting to date again. This is just a minor set back and you will get through it faster than you think. Stay strong!

[gcp]

You're human man, you cared for her. It's normal and shows you're probably a very caring person. Don't be hard on yourself over it. Keeping moving forward.

[nolanola]

I think I would literally throw up if I ran into one of my exes. He was toxic and even though it's been about 8 years since I've seen him, if I see a car like his I get heart palpitations. So don't be so hard on yourself about feeling shaken up after 6 months. It's much harder if you aren't prepared to see them -- somehow it always happens at the worst time.

 

This will set you back for a little while, but I think you will rebound from it quicker -- especially since you didn't have to talk to her. There is something so strange about someone that you used to know so well becoming a stranger. On one hand you still feel a connection to them, but on the other hand you have no idea what they did last weekend. And seeing them in person just intensifies that feeling. I don't even know what it is. I wouldn't call it sadness or anger or anything like that. It's just an empty feeling I think - recognizing something that is not in your life anymore.

 

Take care of yourself today and keep doing the things you are doing. You'll move past this soon.

[preraph]

Running into exes is emotional, even sometimes when it wasn't love. It brings back all the feelings of self-doubt, our inadequacies, sometimes humiliation, and sometimes longing. There's only one song for it: Patsy Cline "I Fall to Pieces."

 

[TurntSloth1]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, very needed! I'm powering through but it sucks - I'm sure we've all been there...

 

There is something so strange about someone that you used to know so well becoming a stranger. On one hand you still feel a connection to them, but on the other hand you have no idea what they did last weekend. And seeing them in person just intensifies that feeling. I don't even know what it is. I wouldn't call it sadness or anger or anything like that. It's just an empty feeling I think - recognizing something that is not in your life anymore.

 

This hit home, massively. I do feel sadness about it though, like I said I've never been completely NC with someone like this before. Even past exes who I have no desire to reach out to are right there on my social media or contact list if I did ever want to, but this is different. Maybe that's more of an ego thing, I don't know... Sad though, it was so weird not even recognising her at first when a few months ago she was such a huge part of me. God forbid I come across her shampoo or something...