Conqueror Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Hello. I posted my affair experience in a different thread a few years ago. I’ve also posted the aftermath, my husband’s and my reconciliation, the birth of our baby in 2017, we bought a new home...only to later find out my ex-mm bought a home near me with his family and his children are now attending the same school as mine...his wife and I are on the PTA, etc. For some reason...and I don’t know why-I’ve been missing him. Why? After all this time? I’m not even in love with him and I have no desire to contact him in any way. Definitely don’t want to be with him. Yet, for the past few weeks, I have been thinking about him A LOT and I can’t seem to shake it off. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t want to think about him and i don’t want to miss him. This is crazy. I thought I was so beyond this. I feel sad and frustrated that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I picture us sitting down at a restaurant having lunch and conversations filled with laughter. We are both relaxed and enjoying each other’s company. Please help. I’ve been struggling with this for a few weeks now and I am having a hard time turning it off. Link to post Share on other sites
zouz71 Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 You followed your heart once and failed , Of course you will miss him , and it will come suddenly every time you have a reality check milestone . Now that you have a family , respect vows .... What is it in your husband that you find in OM ? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Affairs, even more than regular relationships, leave you without closure. Not only do you have the feelings you have in a failed relationship, you have additional feelings of guilt and shame and usually wondering how you let it happen in the first place. And the feelings from an affair are more intense than those of a regular relationship between two available people, it's the nature of an affair. Something has once again triggered in you whatever made you open to getting into the affair in the first place. Only you can answer what that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Conqueror Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 You followed your heart once and failed , Of course you will miss him , and it will come suddenly every time you have a reality check milestone . Now that you have a family , respect vows .... What is it in your husband that you find in OM ? My husband and OM are totally different. With OM I felt we connected on every level: spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. I do find my husband very attractive physically but it ends there. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 We must remember that the affair is an addiction, and the drug of choice is the married man. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I would really encourage you to cut all contact, even move neighborhoods. Sending peace my friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Conqueror Posted December 28, 2018 Author Share Posted December 28, 2018 We have been no contact for years. I totally understand what you’re saying, but it is so unfair that I should have to move seeing that I moved here first. ? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 Have you and your husband been having a difficult time? Are you dissatisfied with another part of your life? More often then not affairs and affairs partners are a vehicle for escape for women. When things get difficult it will drag in fond memories of that period and person. It's not because you miss him but because it's your coping mechanism, to escape. Link to post Share on other sites
Nirbhao.Nirvair Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 (edited) I picture us sitting down at a restaurant having lunch and conversations filled with laughter. We are both relaxed and enjoying each other’s company. Sorry to dig up this thread. One of the last post I made on this site over a year ago was in your other thread. I haven't been visiting after the site went down, and out of curiosity I thought I'd see how you've been faring. You have not reconciled. You have rugswept the affair. I remember reading your story sometime back and from what I remember, your BH simply forgave you and you simply have took him for granted, despite all your proclamations about how you love him, treat him like a king and all that. Truth is Conqueror, your BH hasn't exposed you to his pain and you never had to empathize with him or feel the horror of what you've done to him and naturally you don't feel bad about your affair memories. You feel ashamed of what you've become. But you don't feel hurt for the pain you've caused your husband. Every aspect of your recovery as you've recorded in your other posts were all about your shame, your strength and your ability to overcome your feelings for him. Didn't that cause you to break NC with your OM at your company meeting? Just to see how strong you are, regardless of how your BH will feel? I totally blame your husband for it. And even if you tell him now about your feelings, I am not sure if you too will actually work on it rather than rugsweeping. I hope, for your BHs sake, he grows a backbone and actually makes you fight for him. Of course you'd connect with your OM emotionally, spiritually and physically (i cringed when i typed that). Isn't he the guy who was just taking you on lunch dates when your BH was working his ass off, building your family that you so cherish. Yeah sure. What is there to miss in a boring BH, amirite? I hate to say this. But I hope your BH throws you out, does a hard 180 and then perhaps you'll know what it means to lose a family and how you'd miss your family, your BH included. Edited February 26, 2019 by Nirbhao.Nirvair spacing 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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