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Almost 1 month of NC. Feeling better.. for now


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 7th December 2018, 7:50 AM   #1
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Almost 1 month of NC. Feeling better.. for now

I recently wrote a thread about my ex leaving me for a 17 year old. It's been almost 1 month of no contact. My next step is to get rid of him on social media. When I have the guts to do it.

I've had a lot of day and nights filled with crying, but today was an ok day. I didn't cry. Not sure how tomorrow will be, but today was alright.

How is everyone else feeling? Do you have a blow to your tummy Every time you think of having to delete them from your life? That's the hard step for me right now. Did anyone have a friend do it for them?

For people who are going through this like myself, stay strong. Today was alright for me and i hope the days will get better for you too. Just wanted to bring in something positive
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Old 7th December 2018, 9:18 AM   #2
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You are doing great!! I try to remind myself that it takes as long as it takes. It's also not a linear process. Some days I feel good, other days not so much. Last night I went out to dinner with some friends. We had a great time and I wasn't thinking about him at all until I got back. It's the first time in a while that I had a break from thinking about him non-stop.

But this morning I woke up thinking about him. I think it's like waves sometimes. You go up and feel good while you're on top of the wave and then go back down when you're in the bottom of the wave. Sometimes that bottom lasts for a while. But you will come back up eventually. I try to keep this in mind when I feel so incredibly low.
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Old 7th December 2018, 10:38 AM   #3
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You are doing great!! I try to remind myself that it takes as long as it takes. It's also not a linear process. Some days I feel good, other days not so much. Last night I went out to dinner with some friends. We had a great time and I wasn't thinking about him at all until I got back. It's the first time in a while that I had a break from thinking about him non-stop.

But this morning I woke up thinking about him. I think it's like waves sometimes. You go up and feel good while you're on top of the wave and then go back down when you're in the bottom of the wave. Sometimes that bottom lasts for a while. But you will come back up eventually. I try to keep this in mind when I feel so incredibly low.
I know what you mean. It's a wave for me too. It is normally pretty bad when I wake up. I try to keep in mind that he has pretty much moved on and I'm crying over someone who doesn't care at all. We will get through this! I'm just very annoyed at people around me being inconsiderate. Everyone's just saying get over it! It's been a month. Telling me to move on sort of puts me down and makes the process harder. Trying to ride the top of the wave as long as I can.
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Old 7th December 2018, 11:04 AM   #4
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Girl, I get you. I have a number of people in my life that seem to hold the same belief. One person, who I love dearly and who has known me since I was 8, said to me "I think you approach relationships like you're still a teenager". I know she didn't mean to be cruel, but that hurt me a lot. She has been married for over 20 years. She does not remember what it's like to be single.

One thing that my therapist has been urging me is to be kind to the child-like part of me. That's the part that's still stinging almost 6 weeks after my heart was broken. It's not the mature adult. So I'm trying to be kind to that part of me -- being hurt and vulnerable is not something to be ashamed of.

And I also totally get you about feeling like you're crying over someone that doesn't care. But you know what? HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT. I keep this in mind when I feel so small and pathetic. I'm currently in NC, so he has no idea what I'm doing. He gets to sit there and wonder.
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Old 7th December 2018, 1:09 PM   #5
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I'm 3 1/2 months in NC. Definitely not as bad as the first two months. It's definitely tough to talk to people about it who may not understand how you feel at this moment. Even people who've been through a rough breakup will say things that don't change how you feel because they survived their situation and are in a better place now.


This week was particularly tough, not really sure why. Emotionally I was struggling. Didn't really have any desire to break NC though, that's the one thing I've stuck to without a struggle. Waking up sometimes can be tough even now. This morning I woke up and she was the first thing on my mind. It'll pass, but it still sucks when I want to wake up thinking about stuff that makes me content, like coffee or music or something. Looking forward to the 4 month and 6 month marks, because it just feels like having a goal to make it in NC makes this recovery more meaningful.


@Ninjabear, my ex wife cheated on me 8 years ago and left me for that guy. It was horrible. But after about a year I was so detached from that relationship along with waiting for the divorce to finalize and doing much better that some crazy **** went down in her life that didn't involve me at all, and I couldn't care less. We'll all get there, but it takes a lot of time.
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Old 7th December 2018, 2:42 PM   #6
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I'm 3 1/2 months in NC. Definitely not as bad as the first two months. It's definitely tough to talk to people about it who may not understand how you feel at this moment. Even people who've been through a rough breakup will say things that don't change how you feel because they survived their situation and are in a better place now.
.
I reached out to a friend today thinking it would be nice to catch up. Instead I was hit with.. get over it. Why are you still sad? You should be happy he is out of your life. If you were smarter you would be happy with me right now... But you're an emotional mess and an idiot for giving everything in that relationship. Goodluck with your ****ty childish emotions. Grow up and move on.

What? I didn't even know he liked me and instead of being a kind friend.. he put me down and talked crap. First person, or.. First friend, I've had to block. Can't deal with more negative people.
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Old 8th December 2018, 12:46 AM   #7
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Ugh, well that sucks! I'm sorry that happened. I think most of our friends mean well, but they all have their own perspectives and motives. I try to be kind and to just accept that not everyone is blessed with compassion or empathy. This is how I'm approaching my situation, although I must admit I'm not talking as much to that friend because I'm still stung from how she reacted the one time.

I'm having a down day too. I'm tired, and I think that adds to the blues. I had a long day of traveling and started getting really down. I was sitting on the plane crying. Fortunately, the lights were dimmed, so it wasn't super obvious. But now I'm back home in my own bed and that's a comfort.

I know it will get better. It has to. It just feels like such a slow process.
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