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Missing a girl that left me for her ex ( Long text)


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 12th December 2018, 5:32 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
I once dumped a guy as I felt we had no future long term.
When all the post break up noise calmed down we started speaking again, we met as friends, we always got on well, we had long conversations.
I thought great we are being very adult about this, we can be friends for a long time here.
BUT one day he ended up crying on my sofa, wanting me back. I was shell shocked I had no idea and no, I definitely did not want him back. I was just being friendly...

End of beautiful friendship, I realised I was hurting him by just wanting to be friends...it was selfish of me, but it was not done deliberately.
We parted ways.


Be careful.
Been there done that, I have actually been into a similiar situation as yours before.

But I would rather not proceed as just friends with her if thats the case. Cant really see how that would work.
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Old 13th December 2018, 3:55 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Jeppepp View Post
You might be right, but have you read all my posts? This Christmas party we had with the work pretty much proved she wasn’t playing games, if she now isn’t a very good actor.

Anyways if this is the case she’s definitely not girlfriend material. Or she might just be missing me and got tired of her guy.
Yes, I have. It doesn't change my opinion. To clarify, I think are you misunderstanding what I mean by playing games. It has nothing to do with acting, and everything to do with wanting attention when it suits her. She isn't emotionally attached the way you are, but her ego drives her to seek you out when she she wants to feel good about herself. That is what I mean by game-playing; she tugs your sleeve when she needs a boost, and bounces again when her boyfriend is paying more attention to her. To her, it's easy because she's not really emotionally invested in you. It's a bit of fun. To you, it's a lot more significant.

You have also misunderstood what I meant by not being girlfriend material. She is shady if she's the type to go behind her boyfriend's back and flirt with an ex. There is no "if that's the case" - it is the case. She is currently doing things that a good girlfriend doesn't do. You'd be looking over your shoulder a lot if you two ever reunited, simply because you know she's the type to seek out other guys even when she's in a relationship.

Unfortunately, you are almost surely going to get hurt again here if you get your hopes up for something more. I have a feeling you're going to learn that the hard way, though. My prediction is that she will probably eventually drop both you and her boyfriend when she finds a guy she's truly into and doesn't want to compromise her relationship by conducting herself the way she is now.

Last edited by ExpatInItaly; 13th December 2018 at 3:57 AM..
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Old 13th December 2018, 6:52 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
Yes, I have. It doesn't change my opinion. To clarify, I think are you misunderstanding what I mean by playing games. It has nothing to do with acting, and everything to do with wanting attention when it suits her. She isn't emotionally attached the way you are, but her ego drives her to seek you out when she she wants to feel good about herself. That is what I mean by game-playing; she tugs your sleeve when she needs a boost, and bounces again when her boyfriend is paying more attention to her. To her, it's easy because she's not really emotionally invested in you. It's a bit of fun. To you, it's a lot more significant.

You have also misunderstood what I meant by not being girlfriend material. She is shady if she's the type to go behind her boyfriend's back and flirt with an ex. There is no "if that's the case" - it is the case. She is currently doing things that a good girlfriend doesn't do. You'd be looking over your shoulder a lot if you two ever reunited, simply because you know she's the type to seek out other guys even when she's in a relationship.

Unfortunately, you are almost surely going to get hurt again here if you get your hopes up for something more. I have a feeling you're going to learn that the hard way, though. My prediction is that she will probably eventually drop both you and her boyfriend when she finds a guy she's truly into and doesn't want to compromise her relationship by conducting herself the way she is now.
I appreciate your answer.

I think I understand what you mean now with “playing games”

But I don’t agree with the fact that she does it whenever it suits her. This all suddenly started after this party, which was only two weeks ago. When we had this talk. Before that, it was NC for basically two months. So it hasn’t been on and off.

But I did understand what you meant by “not being girlfriend material” But if you look at it in another way, stuff might not be so good between them, what do we know?
She did indeed say at first it was going on well between them when I met her at the party. Might be true, might be not. The first contact we had after this, was one week after the party, so stuff might of changed drastically.

If she wants ego boost there is plenty of guys that she could get it from, she knows my reaction to how it ended. I showed that I didn’t really care at the time and moved on to another girl. I have basically only given her this so called ego boost once after we stopped seeing each other, and that was at the party while we were drunk.

With that said, you can’t be so sure of how the situation is. Even tho what you said might be the most common reason to situations like this.

Now I have made it look I’m trying to defend her actions and get my hopes up. No I’m just trying to look at it in different perspectives.


OT, I started seeing this other girl that I really dig. So no I’m not totally attached to this girl even tho it might seem so. I just really liked this girl and started getting real feelings for her.

Last edited by Jeppepp; 13th December 2018 at 6:58 PM..
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Old 16th December 2018, 9:21 AM   #34
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But I did understand what you meant by “not being girlfriend material” But if you look at it in another way, stuff might not be so good between them, what do we know?
Right. That is the point when a mature person and decent girlfriend either focuses on fixing the problems, or ends it. Sniffing out attention from other guys is what selfish chicks do.

Quote:
If she wants ego boost there is plenty of guys that she could get it from, she knows my reaction to how it ended. I showed that I didn’t really care at the time
Who's to say she isn't? You could easily be one of a few guys she talks to and you would be none the wiser.

Having said that, she knows you will reply and that you still have the hots for her. Trust me when I say that it's usually obvious to us when a guy is lusting after us.

Anyway, best of luck. I think you would be best to forget about her, but as it seems you're intent on trying, I hope you don't get hurt all over again.
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Old 16th December 2018, 7:09 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
Right. That is the point when a mature person and decent girlfriend either focuses on fixing the problems, or ends it. Sniffing out attention from other guys is what selfish chicks do.

Who's to say she isn't? You could easily be one of a few guys she talks to and you would be none the wiser.

Having said that, she knows you will reply and that you still have the hots for her. Trust me when I say that it's usually obvious to us when a guy is lusting after us.

Anyway, best of luck. I think you would be best to forget about her, but as it seems you're intent on trying, I hope you don't get hurt all over again.


We had contact at work the other day, we met up during worktime. She was like, what excuses did you use for leaving office? I said I was gonna have a quick chat with a friend. She was like "A friend..?" Its like if she doesnt want me to friendzone her lol, probably hurts her ego. I have a feel that if I would meet another girl, that would destroy her ego totally. Thats kind of what happend last time when I dated this girl after we stopped dating each other. She totally ignored me when we saw each other at work.

We had a quick talk, I had to ditch becuase I couldnt just run away from office like that. We carried on communicating on snap. After some time i wrote "What do you want really, we shouldnt talk. Its not nice to your boyfriend that you are going behind his back like that. Especially when he knows nothing."

She sent a snapchat back, "yeah, maybe not...." with a photo when she was eating dinner with him at a restaurant.

She has issues. She might have mental issues as her brother. While we were dating she told me about him that he has mental issues and suffers from feeling happiness or something.

I'll listen to your advice, better not get more involved in this and forget her.

Nothing worth to spend time on, going to focus on this new girl that seems to be a bit more normal.
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