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Blech. Heartache and silly feelings after exiting bad idea fling


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 19th November 2018, 4:53 AM   #1
K2z
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Arrow Blech. Heartache and silly feelings after exiting bad idea fling

Me: 49 year old dude. Her: 25 year old former coworker of sorts. Smart beyond her years.

We had a two weekend fling and I fell kind of hard. But she is too young, is eager for broader experiencesand needs to be free so I have cut off contact.

I feel a constant voltage circulating around my chest, my arms. A restless unrequited love, frustration, embarassment, endless fruitless what if, despair and longing. It's like someone dropped a live battery into my chest.

I suppose there is no ptoblem to solve here but I want to tslk. I feel surges of love for the wrong person and it is exhausting me. I hate this.
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Old 19th November 2018, 7:02 AM   #2
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Maybe it wasn't necessary to completely cut off contact if you both are still interested in seeing each other. It was only 2 weeks, it's not like you tried to make something work over a long period of time and it just wasn't working.

If you're going to get stuck on the what ifs, maybe you should just play it through and get it out of your system.

You would just have to keep your expectations low, so if you feel you can't do that then ending it was probably the right thing.
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Old 19th November 2018, 9:07 AM   #3
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Well, for a whole host of reasons it's just an impossibility tocarry this thing in any direction so I suppose I could enjoy going further down like a fly in one of those predatory funnel plants but it would just mean more pain getting out.

The whole experience has awakened a fight or flight sdrenaline response in me.. no appetite, faster movement, less sense of muscle fatigue. May as well use the pain positively. And I have suffered this kind of stuff before so I know it lets up, even if it tingles like hell right now.
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Old 19th November 2018, 9:16 AM   #4
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You are 49, any strange chest sensations could be a problem with your heart, especially as you are stressed out, go see a doctor, get it checked out.
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Old 19th November 2018, 9:36 AM   #5
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You're probably right. Unfortunately I know this sensation all too well from countless previous episodes... it fits like a ratty old bathrobe. This is the girl got away blues and its attendant butterflies and restlessness
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Old 20th November 2018, 4:04 AM   #6
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Will see her on the weekend for an overlapping group thing. Tough not to contact, just have to keep reminding and reminding
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Old 20th November 2018, 6:33 AM   #7
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What's fascinating to notice in this intergenerational thing is that sex seems to be like a faucet for younger people. On, off. Constantly available. No feelings, or a much much longer or more difficult to discern curve of actually developing feelings. It makes sense. There is a non-stop 24 hour buffet of partners out there available on social media at any given moment, no strings attached and no consequences. Would I be any different if I were young and in that circumstance? On my side, it's just a source of more pain that I am a damn fool who developed feelings, and am just hollering into an empty well.
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Old 22nd November 2018, 1:38 AM   #8
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So, I am gonna see her Friday night for a bite and to return some of her stuff. I already want to barf. I have slept very fitfully and nervously all week. I feel everything, she feels nothing. It's awful. I hate being in this state of emotion. What the hell is wrong with me.
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Old 22nd November 2018, 2:00 AM   #9
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Just gotta be honest I guess. No airs, no false pretenses. Just mindfulness and realisticness and universal respect. Dignity and politeness. I'm so nervous to see her. Nervous I am gonna make some stupid confession. Ugggh.
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Old 22nd November 2018, 3:39 AM   #10
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We never truly know what someone else is thinking/feeling unless they explicitly tell us. Unless she has told you that she has casual sex with lots of people and she has no feelings for you, then you just don't know.

Sure, as a young woman she probably has more options for sex than you do as a little older guy, but that doesn't really mean anything unless she's actually doing anything about it.

Men aren't the only ones who like to play it cool about their feelings, she could have feelings for you that would surprise you but she doesn't want to be the one to reveal too much too soon.

Seriously, if you're this into her then give it a shot and get it out of your system at the very least. At least you'll know for sure.
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Old 22nd November 2018, 4:14 AM   #11
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Thank you very much. Mostly I am just typing nervously, and trying to disperse my energy.

Verbally and in other ways it has become clear to me that she is at life's buffet and wants to play. I have no right to stop her, but I have feelings. She knows this. 99.9% likelihood is that I am playing the fool here.

Still, this idiot's escapade has awakened an energy I have not felt for a long time. I am a bit like someone skiing too fast downhill. It's exhilarating, but it's probably not going to end well. And I am doing what I can to snowplow and come to a stop.
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Old 23rd November 2018, 12:16 AM   #12
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And, tonight's the night! I'm a little dressed up (nice shirt and jeans) and I'm bringing her stuff to her in a drinks meeting at a fancy cocktail bar.

Here comes that train light down at the other end of the tunnel... it should make impact about 930pm. Heartbreak explosion!

And the best part is I get to see her again at a gathering tomorrow.

Yeah, my heart is a FIFA soccer ball this week and I am full of raw fight-or-flight adrenalin, the kind when you are mildly panicked but know what's going on. I'm channeling it as best I can. Driving over a cliff is exhilarating if nothing else.

I speak in hyperbole because I am full of nervous energy and spinning like an emotional washer/dryer inside, but in seriousness my hope is that over a drink we achieve some sort of sense of gravity and fulcrum in this rapport with each other.

I have seen her go through so many avatars in the last two weeks that it has almost challenged my sense of reality. My challenge tonight is to show vulnerability without making sappy confessions, and to be sincere and true to myself while ensuring that I am respected by her. Do that, and let go of the results, is my only option.
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Old 23rd November 2018, 9:35 AM   #13
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Whew. Ok. Ok. I verbalized. It's nothing. Nothing will work out. She ain't there or with it. But I got a lot of beautiful and heartfelt words out. I feel a bit better. I came, I spoke, I left.

Just saying stuff feels awfully good. As I am now. Thank you, thread, for being here.
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Old 25th November 2018, 4:14 AM   #14
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I cannot stand this feeling, and the associated biohemistry. I feel awful. I am like something out of a bad sitcom. An old idiot in love with a young woman who does not care one whit, and has been honest about it. I feel out of control. My stomach flips over and over. I occasionally cry randomly. Something has moved inside me. You know when you watch the polar ice caps calving off huge chunks into the ocean? That's what happened to me. Everything is bobbing and floating inside. I hate it. A cocktail of undirected energy, angst, frustration. I want to contact, and spill my guts, but I have already spilled, and there ain't a spectator in town lining up for a ticket to this drama. It's my own private hyperactive squirrel running around inside of me.
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Old 25th November 2018, 4:38 AM   #15
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Its because you are aware that she is wayyyyyyy out of your league.

You could be her father. Time to date women your age or you are going to get like this frequently. I know too many men your age with similar outcome. Older men always get hurt.

In terms of her options, this girl has the world at her feet.
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