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How do you get over an ex who lied and used you


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 11th November 2018, 1:10 PM   #1
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How do you get over an ex who lied and used you

I'm still obsessed with how my ex treated me. We're in no contact now and I will not contact her, but I know that she has lied about the events numerous times so I'll never get full closure. I just want to forgive and move on, but I find it impossible to forgive because I know I've been lied to so often and I don't know what to do! Any advice??
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Old 11th November 2018, 1:24 PM   #2
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You get angry. She lied to you. Recognize that she's an bad person & let that motivate you to closure. Be happy she is out of your life.

Closure comes from within not the other person. They don't have the words.
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Old 11th November 2018, 1:28 PM   #3
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Experience the emotions to the full, process them out and realize what a gift you received by the ex'es actions and especially their departure.

No need to forgive. Just accept and move on. She's a zero. Back to the billions.
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Old 11th November 2018, 8:31 PM   #4
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I personally find the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread very useful.

My ex lied to me about why he was breaking up with me as well, and instead of calling him and just asking why couldn't he just tell me he was leaving me for someone else, I write to him on that thread. It makes me feel better and gives me comfort.

I know if I ring him, he'd either keep lying through his teeth, admit that he left me for someone else (which would probably destroy me even though I know this is true, but just hearing it from him would just about finish me off) or think that I'm obsessing over him and that I'm not moving on. None of those outcomes sound good to me, so I refrain from calling him and am trying to make peace with an apology that I'll never get, and closure that has to come from within me, not from him.

It's a work in progress, and every now and then I'm so angry that he could treat me like that, but I keep deep breathing and writing and venting. The less he knows about how I'm feeling, the better.
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Old 17th November 2018, 6:19 PM   #5
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Forgive but never forget. I forgave my ex all 3 times she broke me this year alone, but I have never forgotten. Forgiving is more for you and your peace of mind. Just know you will NEVER get closure from her, only more lies. Make a list of all the Red-Flags and horrible treatment she showed you and keep it handy. When you feel you miss her read that list and say to yourself "And why again do I miss her?"

With my ex I have to remind myself that she is an unstable, cheating, lying, horrible person. Sure she is beautiful on the exterior but inside she is dark and ugly. She has sabotaged every relationship she has ever been in, including her marriage, and at 43 years old that will never stop at this point. She will destroy the next guy and the one after that until she wakes up one day and realizes that her beauty is fading and all that's left is an emotionally unstable hag. Or gets an STD or pisses off the wrong guy. She will only find happiness in short spurts and will crush is over and over, and that fact actually makes me smile a bit (Am I a bad person for thinking that? LOL)

Eventually you are going to feel better. Hang in there buddy it gets better, trust me. I was in the same boat. Even after the horrible treatment. The admitting she cheated and actually catching her cheating I was still so very immersed in her and our good times together. Just know that it's her and not you that was the horrible person and try to move on. Don't contact her, don't pine for her, and try to fill your life and thoughts with yourself.
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Old 18th November 2018, 1:56 AM   #6
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My first husband told lie after lie about me during out separation and divorce. The people who really knew me, and people I cared about, had sense enough to either know he was telling lies, or they would ask me instead of believing him outright. I lost people I thought were my friends and that hurt - for awhile. Then I realized those people were never really my true friends.

You have to find comfort in knowing the truth, and knowing that the people in your life who matter will have your back. If not, then you don't need them in your life.
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Old 18th November 2018, 5:27 PM   #7
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Forgiveness doesn't mean wiping the slate clean. Instead, it's about letting goand leaving that person behind. It's OK to still acknowledge they did bad things, as long as you work towards getting to a place where you no longer bother thinking about them.
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Old 18th November 2018, 11:22 PM   #8
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My ex in hindsight was awful to me, for a long time but I sadly only learned 90 percent of it after the fact, which makes it all so wasted, and years he let me throw away... I was and at times still angry, even with therapy it lingers. Sometimes people can move on quickly and others it is a much slower process and being angry is natural when someone you thought loved you, hurts you. The timeline on moving on varies, only makes it worse to compare yourself to others and thinking they ( the ex) will help you move on and give any sort of closure keeps you in that limbo, imo.
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Old 23rd November 2018, 8:32 PM   #9
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excellent advice in this thread.

My ex should have won an oscar. Damn was she good.
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Old 24th November 2018, 6:23 AM   #10
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They will always lie when they are wrong. Don't bother about it.
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Old 24th November 2018, 8:22 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingSpider147 View Post
I'm still obsessed with how my ex treated me. We're in no contact now and I will not contact her, but I know that she has lied about the events numerous times so I'll never get full closure. I just want to forgive and move on, but I find it impossible to forgive because I know I've been lied to so often and I don't know what to do! Any advice??
Swap forgiveness for acceptance.

It will make it a lot easier for you to deal with, to acknowledge and accept what happened rather than forgive
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Old 25th November 2018, 6:04 PM   #12
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Yeah I have accepted what has happened to be fair. I would love to forgive her because ultimately she is not a bad person but made some bad decisions. I don't like holding onto hatred in my heart. Playing the victim isn't what a man does and I would love nothing more than to just forgive and move on. It's hard but time is the best healer I suppose. If after some NC she realised how much she ****ed up and came clean I would accept her apology, if not well it's her loss.
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Old 25th November 2018, 7:49 PM   #13
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Forgiveness and closure is the gift you give yourself. You won’t get it from her.

You get over her by getting angry, and deciding that you will not devote one single moment more of your life thinking about someone who treated you badly.

The best revenge is to move forward, live your life, and find someone more worthy of your love. Good luck!
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Old 27th November 2018, 12:08 PM   #14
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Even if you get a closure from her, it might not be clear for you, because she will be saying from her perspective. And when it comes out it might hurt you even more to see what she is thinking about you.
Give your own closure, accept it and move forward.
I was also eager for closure like you, when my ex broke up with me. She said me three different reasons in span of 2 weeks(yes, i asked her couple of times because I didnt feel that she is being true in giving a closure to me).
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