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Awkward situations with ex wife


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 13th February 2019, 6:16 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Nukem View Post
Thank you, Mark.
I know your'e right.
Ex calls me frequently to complain of our daughter behavior. The girl is not bad but her mum exaggerates.
I am already detaching but occasional phone calls are inevitable.

Thank you for your support. All of you are very considerate and nice
Nope, never answer a phone call direct. Keep it to text or emails.

Look man if want a life you must take yourself out of your X's control.

I have 3 friends who use this method of limited contact. It works.

If not you'll continue as you have.
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Old 14th February 2019, 5:51 AM   #32
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Almost every weekend daughter and I visit grandmother and grandfather on her maternal line. They have accustomed to see her and will get upset if we stop. They love her and always prepare lunch and dinner for her. Daughter also loves visiting them. What do you think about those visits? A friend of mine advised me just to drop and collect her later, not to enter the house, which is not very polite by my side.
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Old 21st February 2019, 4:55 PM   #33
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Tomorrow daughter comes to spend 1 week with me at my place while her mom is abroad with her boyfriend.
I decided to continue visiting her granny and daddy as frequently as before.
Her mom called me 3-4 time and I did not answer so she texted me.
Cannot still reject all her calls but I feel better when not hearing her. I want to completely forget the sound of her voice.

I am not sure I am doing the right thing because several years ago I promised her that she can rely on me. But her meeting the same OM changed my mind. Now she has whom to rely on, moreover she is wealthy and manages a private business.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:23 PM   #34
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This evening daughter called me 3 times asking, almost begging me not to come at my place, because she had to bring many clothes and books, she also pointed out more reasons. Anyway, at the end I explained her everything, told her about the OM, that he is the same who ruined our marriage. Told her that I do not blame neither him nor her mom, but I need to detached. I am afraid I told her more than I intended to. She is a good and smart girl and got me well.
She admitted that she already knew about almost everything. I even sensed from her words that the connection of mom and OM is more than a year old, may be they have never broken up.
Obviously ex have been lying and covering her connection in order to ensure my support, or she was ashamed of being with the same guy. It is possible that she was afraid that I could change my attitude towards the girl and distant myself from both of them. After all she never needed my money or support except my care for the girl.
Whatever the case I will never know.

Do not judge me for posting here so often. It is like a diary. Several years later it is interesting and beneficial to look back and recall emotions, rethink decision or just to remind how stupid I was
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:33 PM   #35
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Unfortunately it appears you are still being emotionally manipulated.

Hopefully, you told your daughter its can be figured out and you are not going to look after your exes responsibilities.

Time to just put your foot down, your ex isn't coming back so stop being her doormat, and stop worrying about who she is sleeping with, its keeping you stuck.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 6:26 PM   #36
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Hey, DTK, nice to see you

Daughter is here sleeping in my home

I am emotional and predictable.
10 years ago ex predicted that I will not bear seeing her with other man.
She know me better than I know myself

But right now I don't crave her, do not want to see or hear her.

I think that the separation and divorce changed me for good.
I am more self-controlled and reasonable.
Despite this I feel a bit insulted that she made me look like a fool, not that I'm not
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Old 22nd February 2019, 6:38 PM   #37
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Your life is totally up to you.

If you continue catering to everyone else you are living your life for them not you.

You'll either cut contact or continue as you have been.

No contact works only if you apply it.

it is that simple. You don't owe your X or anyone a thing.

Better wake up to where YOU have put yourself.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 6:39 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nukem View Post
Hey, DTK, nice to see you

Daughter is here sleeping in my home

I am emotional and predictable.
10 years ago ex predicted that I will not bear seeing her with other man.
She know me better than I know myself

But right now I don't crave her, do not want to see or hear her.

I think that the separation and divorce changed me for good.
I am more self-controlled and reasonable.
Despite this I feel a bit insulted that she made me look like a fool, not that I'm not
No one can make a fool out of you unless you allow it.

Stop!!!!
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Old 23rd February 2019, 6:15 AM   #39
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Hi Marc,

thanks for your support.
I care for myself more than most people do.
One of the reason my ex labeled me as a egoistic )
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Old 1st March 2019, 4:05 PM   #40
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My daughter spent 6 nights at my home.
During the holiday her mom did not call me.
But this morning she called, I did not answered.
An hour later she texted me:

She: I cannot get why do you behave like this
She: I do not understand your behavior
She: We have been separated for more than 6 years and we have communicated as normal people so far
She: Now you are hiding, you don't want to speak with me
Nukem: Accept that people are different and react differently to what happens to them. I do not think that there is what to talk about.
She: There is
She: We have a child and we will always have what to talk about
She: We did not get separated yesterday
She: You could talk before now not
Nukem: About the child what you wanted it was fulfilled, I supported your decisions. Now she is almost adult, I talk to her,
if there is something new you'll write and probably things going to happen as you wish.
She: But why?
She: Are you jealous?
She: Why not to talk with me
She: I do not understand?
she: I have never treated you bad
She: What have you asked me I've done it
She: What did I do to deserve this?
Nukem: I do not treat you bad. I just do not want to talk to you and see you.
She: Why?
She: May I get an answer?
She: Something I have never wanted is not being like those people who have children and cannot communicate.
She: Even you have said it is stupid
Nukem: You have who to rely on. I do not think we owe explanations to each other. I feel it that way, that is how I cope with the situation.
She: There is no situation
She: My relationship is not from yesterday
She: I have broken up and reconciled hundred times (I guess she mean with the same guy)
Hukem: I guess so
She: I do not get how that relate to you
Nukem: You do not owe me explanation as I said.
She: There is nothing between us for a long time
She: Or am I wrong
She: Do you feel something to me
She: Is this the reason for you behaving like this?
She: What is happening, damn it
She: What is the problem
She: Ok, hide like a mice
She: You cannot go out and speak like a man.
END

Do you think I have to meet her and explain that when I see her it gets me good and bad memories, it deteriorates my sleep. I relive the divorce, relive the good time and the bad times. That I cannot detach completely.
I do not want to look like a coward, neither to cause her to suffer my emotions.
Didn't I overreact with that LC I'm trying?

Last edited by Nukem; 1st March 2019 at 4:35 PM..
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Old 1st March 2019, 4:42 PM   #41
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You communicate only about your child, no more and no less. It reads as all your ex has to do is prod you, call you a name enough and it pulls your string to get back into and play the games some more. it. Nukem I've been there. As it's been said your daughter is 15 and mom doesn't need to be involved much, your ex needs to be in your rear view mirror. It doesn't really matter what your ex's personal opinion is of you whether it's a man or mouse. Check your hurt pride and just keep staying clear of her except about your daughter.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 8:08 AM   #42
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I've already decided only text. Cannot step back.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 8:30 AM   #43
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I think you handled the texting well. Don't let her push you into interactions or conversations.

Unless it's about your daughter, ignore her texts or other attempts at communication.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 8:56 AM   #44
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She is used to getting her way and being in complete control over you.

She does not like you standing up taking control and going your own way.

You will like the new you because now you can move on like she has.

Much clarity will come to you now. You should have done this upfront but you can't go back only forward.

Stay hard no contact. It only works if you apply it. You'll see
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Old 3rd March 2019, 9:02 AM   #45
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She had no respect for you. Now you are getting your self respect back. You teach people how they can treat you.

Stay strong and you will like your new life as time goes on.

It is your life and you can do what you want with it. No one Elisha's that power unless you give it to them
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