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Loner and heartbroken


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I'm 30. Recently broke up with my first serious gf. Was with her 5 years. We lived together in my flat. Now I am here alone with no real friends to turn to nor hobbies. No social life and little human contact.

 

 

 

Am tormented by memories of what was and of plans that were made for the future.

 

 

 

Don't know how to get through it.

 

 

 

Help!

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Although it may be extremely difficult, try not to forget the really good reasons you ended the longest, most serious relationship in your entire life with the only person on the planet that meant anything to you.

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I'm 30. Recently broke up with my first serious gf. Was with her 5 years. We lived together in my flat. Now I am here alone with no real friends to turn to nor hobbies. No social life and little human contact.

 

If you have no friends or social life, that is a big hint to what led to the breakup. The "Woe is me!" demeanor is another thing that will destroy a relationship.

 

Women are turned off by a guy who has no friends and no social life, They become exhausted with the burden of being "everything" for you.

 

Women function emotionally. If you had the "woe is me" attitude going on while you were together, that would be an immense emotional drain on her.

 

You need to get off the "woe is me" thing and build a social life. Women want to be with a guy who has a life that can take them on an adventure,...not them be the adventure for the guy who would have nothing without them.

 

Get Corey Wayne's book, "How to be a 3% Man".

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I would highly recommend a counsellor if you can afford one since you're alone. Also go out on a trip for 5-10 days to give you a bit of relief to take your mind off things. Exercise everyday and cry a lot and journal. But when you cry dont make any judgements about it. This is what my therapist tells me. To cry and to vent everything out but dont judge it.

 

Funny I'm giving advice as I'm also broken.

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If you have no friends or social life, that is a big hint to what led to the breakup. The "Woe is me!" demeanor is another thing that will destroy a relationship.

 

Women are turned off by a guy who has no friends and no social life, They become exhausted with the burden of being "everything" for you.

 

Women function emotionally. If you had the "woe is me" attitude going on while you were together, that would be an immense emotional drain on her.

 

You need to get off the "woe is me" thing and build a social life. Women want to be with a guy who has a life that can take them on an adventure,...not them be the adventure for the guy who would have nothing without them.

 

Get Corey Wayne's book, "How to be a 3% Man".

 

Oh! The seas of things we know about women!. Women this women that, tend to forget you’re dating a person too, not just an object, women love this man, women love that man, try to wean off such narratives and try to not propagate them.

 

The Op knows what must have made his relationship fail, also pointed out his lack of friends, might be the time to invest in building good relationships with friends, family and getting more acquaintances.

 

More importantly, give it time

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The Op knows what must have made his relationship fail

 

 

No, he didn't make the connection. If he understood his post would have been different.

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First, I'm sorry for the breakup of your relationship.

 

Unfortunately, you are now learning a very important life lesson. Relationships are wonderful, but as the old saying goes... it's never a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket. It's important for any person in a relationship to have a life outside that relationship - to work, to develop some hobbies, and to have some outside friends. Not only does it bring balance for that person and the relationship, it is important in the event that the relationship ends.

 

I would suggest that you find something to do. Join a group. Find a hobby. Go for a walk. Go the the gym.

 

Good luck to you.

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I'm sorry to hear about your break up.

 

I am going through one myself, but I'm fortunate that I've felt this horrible, winding pain before with my first boyfriend. I was 19 when we broke up and I felt like my world was ending.

 

Breathe, you'll get through today. And then tomorrow, and then a month will have gone by, and then a few months and then you wake up one day and you realise you haven't thought of her at all. It's a very free moment, look forward to it.

 

As for my advice for the here and now - keep busy. Do whatever you have to do to stay focused. Take extra hours on at work, start that novel you've always wanted to start, hell, volunteer for a homeless/animal shelter. Join a chat room or online community to make friends, it's pretty easy when you get the confidence, plus you find tons of people who enjoy the same games as you!

 

Good luck. Take it one day at a time. x

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