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Is it okay to stay friends after break up?


ccoping30

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There’s a big argument whether two people can stay friends after a break up. I was wondering if we can really be friends with the people we used to love. My ex girlfriend and I have long been broken up but until today we kept a civil relationship. When asked, we consider each other as friends. I’m just not sure if this is actually a good idea for the both of us. I’ve tried talking to a top foreign dating coach from this online site and they said it could result to another heartbreak but it can be good too. I want to know what others online has to say about this.

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I don't think you can initially be good / close friends & talk all the time the way you used to. I do think you can be cordial & civil, being polite & making small talk when you see each other. 20 year after the fact one EX & I actually have managed to do business. MY husband & I periodically socialize with my HS BF & his wife. It doesn't have to be a scorched earth thing but daily communication is probably not wise / too confusing initially.

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There’s a big argument whether two people can stay friends after a break up. I was wondering if we can really be friends with the people we used to love. My ex girlfriend and I have long been broken up but until today we kept a civil relationship. When asked, we consider each other as friends. I’m just not sure if this is actually a good idea for the both of us. I’ve tried talking to a top foreign dating coach from this online site and they said it could result to another heartbreak but it can be good too. I want to know what others online has to say about this.

 

I used to be an advocate of it 10 years back until I learned the hard way. If you two aren't together, you two are going to end up being with other people.

 

Her new partner will never be cool with you being in the picture and because she loves him, she will oblige to his request to cut you out and if not, distance herself from you to the point where you two might as well just cut eachother out. Similarly, your new girl won't be cool with you keeping her in the picture and because you love her..you'll let your ex go in the same manner.

 

You can try to keep eachother in the picture while you date others, but I promise you, you will put a tremendous amount of strain on your new relationship and risk ending it. At the end of the day, your "Friendship" will be exposed for the sham that it is when new people come into the picture and point out how inappropriate it is. So if you two don't want to lose eachother completely, then get back together and make it work. Otherwise, cut it off and call it an era.

 

Having said that, only when you have truly learned how to live your life and smile without that person and perhaps even fall in love with someone new is when you can talk to your ex in a platonic way. But it takes years apart to get to this point and that is a very slim maybe.

 

Don't muddy your life up with bs. Keep it straight and keep it simple.

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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I'm not a relationship expert but this is literally the worst thing you can do. She's gone. Just cry as much as you want and just let the emotions flow through you. Better to knock yourself out rather than trying to keep a connection.

 

The only way you can keep a connection is if she had broken up with you but she was single. Usually is unlikely specially with beautiful girls. The other scenario is if you're truly in love with another girl and for some reason you want to be friends with your ex.

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TurntSloth1

Just don't do it. Seriously. Don't.

 

If you still have feelings for her, friendship simply won't be enough. Every day you spend together will feel like something is missing when the affection that you used to share becomes non-existent and she doesn't look at you the way she used to. The constant heartache just isn't worth it.

 

Things will only get worse once she meets someone else and you have to watch that relationship develop as her 'friend'. You really don't want to feel that pain.

 

At the same time, are you really a friend if your goal is ultimately to be her romantic partner? Will you actually be happy for her when she tells you about the new hottie that's she started texting from the gym? Or will you make her feel bad for her actions despite being single because it crushed you?

 

Take some space, cut contact and try to move on from this. If somewhere down the line you guys reconnect then great, cross that bridge when you come to it, but staying friends is simply torture otherwise.

 

 

Of course, if you genuinely, genuinely don't have any feelings for her anymore and she feels the same way then by all means, be friends. There's no harm in that, right?

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I have cutoff every single ex out of my life. This one ex gf sent me a FB request out of the blue and I accepted it because I had literally zero feelings for her. Or rather her memories don't evoke any feelings,positive or negative, towards her. And she was my gf for 1 year. She got married to a guy and I don't feel any jealousy or animosity towards him because deep down I REALISED that she wasn't right for me. That REALISATION needs to happen.

 

Funnily enough this other girl I was in love with for what 2 or 3 months and if I saw her name or a pic it triggers a panic attack in me. It is so severe even after 7 or 8 years. Ridiculous how the human mind or heart works. So random.

 

So it really depends on what feelings she evokes in you. So to be on the safer side it's better to stay away from them. This one ex who I stupidly introduced a guy to who she hooked up with, is now trying to be friends with me and I keep rejecting all her FB game requests, linkedin requests and she thinks I'm being mean. That's ok she can call me mean all she wants, this is about YOU and YOU are the most important person in this world.

 

I tell you what helps in breakup, being SELFISH to protect yourself. No better time to be the most selfish creature you've ever been.

Edited by hope86
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sure be friends with her, so she can tell you all the guys she's banging, and the ones she has her eyes on. The answer is NO. you shouldn't be. EVER!

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There’s a big argument whether two people can stay friends after a break up. I was wondering if we can really be friends with the people we used to love. My ex girlfriend and I have long been broken up but until today we kept a civil relationship. When asked, we consider each other as friends. I’m just not sure if this is actually a good idea for the both of us. I’ve tried talking to a top foreign dating coach from this online site and they said it could result to another heartbreak but it can be good too. I want to know what others online has to say about this.

 

Just ask yourself :

 

What do I have to gain by keeping her as a friend in the future?

 

As all posters have stated:

 

1) Either if you will eventually run into the jealous partner that will forbid this friendship.

2) If the relationship didn't work at it's most intimate level, what possible incentive would you have to backtrack and stay friends ?

 

As hope86 stated, it depends on how you feel about her, but if she means a lot to you, then it's best to stay far away because it will keep you from finding someone meant for you, and worse will probably cause collateral damage to others in relationships you may have trying to get over her. And if you have no feelings for her anymore, then why keep her as a friend knowing she'll just make for awkward conversation with new partners?

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There’s a big argument whether two people can stay friends after a break up. I was wondering if we can really be friends with the people we used to love. My ex girlfriend and I have long been broken up but until today we kept a civil relationship. When asked, we consider each other as friends. I’m just not sure if this is actually a good idea for the both of us. I’ve tried talking to a top foreign dating coach from this online site and they said it could result to another heartbreak but it can be good too. I want to know what others online has to say about this.

 

Why are you not sure whether it is a good idea? Has it held either of you back from moving on from the breakup and moving forward with your lives? How do you feel about it? Do you still love her?

 

I think some people can be friends with exes, but many cannot. It doesn't make it right or wrong. What works for you.

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MountainGirl111

There are many many people who simply cannot be "just friends" after a break up. It's not in them to be able to do so. Likely every time they see their face or hear their voice the heartbreak comes rushing back in...and who wants that? In many other cases, though, it just feels awkward. This is perhaps one of the reasons people shouldn't get involved with co-workers. It's possible to be friends, but it just depends on the case and the people involved and whether or not they still have feelings. I remember breaking it off with a boyfriend in college and I said, "I think we should just be friends." I had very good reasons for doing so. He said no way. So that was that.

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I keep in touch with a guy I was in a LDR with before, but even then I had to take a break of many months and go through another break up before we could really be okay with each other. I still care as a friend and his parents are sweet as heck, so I still keep in touch with them all.

Recent guy who was an ******* with me? Nope. He doesn't deserve my friendship ever.

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I don't think you can initially be good / close friends & talk all the time the way you used to. I do think you can be cordial & civil, being polite & making small talk when you see each other. 20 year after the fact one EX & I actually have managed to do business. MY husband & I periodically socialize with my HS BF & his wife. It doesn't have to be a scorched earth thing but daily communication is probably not wise / too confusing initially.

 

I agree.

 

I think balance and mutuality are key. That is, both people have to be at a place where they can genuinely just be friends. But that might take some time depending on the breakup. It might be easiest in mutual breakups where you both have agreed the romantic feelings died out. You'll still need some space and time to adjust but in those situations I can see how being cordial and friendly might be quicker than cases where one or both still have feelings.

 

Being super good friends? I dunno. I think that's much rarer. It happens...but I think often you usually get to a place of being cool rather than say you talk all the time and hang out and so forth like you would with a friend you never dated.

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We cant be friends because romantic love between two people never goes away. It just goes to sleep in their hearts.

Edited by HiCrunchy
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  • 2 weeks later...

This is an age old question and is highly subjective and goes case by case basis I think. I will put some scenarios below so you can judge best.

 

  1. if the 2 of you left amicably to move on, you can be casual friends provided both of you respect each other's boundaries.
     
  2. if you are the dumpee, its highly recommended you dont stay friends with the dumper. But if you and dumper come into some peaceful agreement down the line and you feel happy that way, then why not?
     
  3. if you are the dumpee, and if the dumper left you in bad terms and manipulated you really bad, then i dont think you should ever reach out to be friends with such a dumper even if they offer you a hand. why? a dumper who never respected you or the relationship during the time you lived together, what good he or she will make being friends with you. if at all they are friends, its only for the dumper's benefit and not yours.
     
  4. if you are the dumper, i wish you face the wrath of fury and hell even before you die!

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