smile95 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Me again.....I know.....I know........I am one confused chick! I want to know if it is possible that the reason I cannot let go of someone could be something emotionally wrong with me or just wrong in general. I have been to a counselor in the past and it really never helped? But, I really am considering going to another one. I want to know why I feel that I will never find anyone else or why I am putting up with crumbs from this man that "loves" me. I am not happy anymore and clearly things are never going to go back to how they were. It is like he only treats me sweetly when I am too busy to talk or have plans or do not call him. That is not right. I guess what I am asking is this is it possible that there really may be things I need to work out in my head that have nothing to do with losing him? Can therapy help me with that? Something is not right when I cannot let go. I am scared to admit that, but I have no other answer? Everyone tells me that I am so cute and attractive and nice and I waste all my time trying to get this one man to see that and apprecaite me. I think that I think if I cannot get him to treat me the way he used to, I should try harder. It never works and my self esteem hits the ground. It is so dumb because now that we are just friends, I find myself holding back a lot of my feelings and if I break and tell him how I feel, he knows I am waiting and love him and he does not have to try. Lose lose situation- Overall, after all of that, is it possible that other issues in my head are keeping me holding on to him???And if I cannot figure it out, how could a stranger(therapist) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I guess what I am asking is this is it possible that there really may be things I need to work out in my head that have nothing to do with losing him? Absolutely. Can therapy help me with that? Yes Overall, after all of that, is it possible that other issues in my head are keeping me holding on to him??? For sure. And if I cannot figure it out, how could a stranger(therapist) Unless you happen to have spent four to seven years learning about all the things that go wrong with human brains and how to diagnose them, why do you think you should be able to do a better job than a therapist at figuring out what's wrong with you? Would you try to diagnose your own physical condition? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 2, 2005 Author Share Posted July 2, 2005 Are they trained to pick up on different things? How ill I ever tell my whole story! And why is it that the first person I went to did not help. What is the diff between a social worker and counselor? Who should I be looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Are they trained to pick up on different things? What do you mean? How ill I ever tell my whole story! You could print all the posts you've posted and take them. And why is it that the first person I went to did not help. Was it a social worker? What is the diff between a social worker and counselor? Totally different specialties. Social workers are not counsellors. They can help a bit but they're not trained in counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 2, 2005 Author Share Posted July 2, 2005 Her title was LPC, not sure what that means? Licensed Practicing Counselor? I meant do they pick up on diff things about me to help me? Personality traits? All this woman did was give me anti-d's and send me on my way...at one point she actaully encouraged me to make up a story to tell him that I was in an accident and see how he would respond????? Why would she have me do that? I thought it was weird? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 A trained and qualified psychologist. And one you trust. If you don't trust him / her to talk about your issues, therapy with that psychologist can't do you any good, as you will be withholding parts of yourself. A good one will pick up on different things, not just what you tell. As for telling everything: every story has its structure, so don't be afraid that it would be one big mess, that no one can make sense of. A counselor will help with that. Also it is very important to tell the truth, and not portray a different picture of the things that happened, and the ideas that you have about them. A therapist can only help if you truly want to be helped - and are open to facing yourself. Counselling is totally different from being a social worker. These are loosely related professions. And of course the help a social worker can offer in the field of counselling is very limited in scope. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 at one point she actaully encouraged me to make up a story to tell him that I was in an accident and see how he would respond????? Whatever she was, she wasn't a competent therapist. As your doctor for a recommendation. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez A trained and qualified psychologist. And one you trust. If you don't trust him / her to talk about your issues, therapy with that psychologist can't do you any good, as you will be withholding parts of yourself. d'Arthez - yes, provided you're not dealing with someone who's been deskilled through working in a medical setting where their specialty was misunderstood or undervalued. Maybe this is just a British thing, but psychologists working in psychiatrist-led hospital teams sometimes appear - despite their extensive training - to become little more than the psychiatrist's handmaiden. I occasionally have to instruct reports from experts in both professions. More than once I've been tempted to refuse to pay the psychologist's fee because they simply regurgitated opinions already expressed in the psychiatric report (ie about the prevalence, or not, of any symptoms indicating a psychiatric disorder) and failed to report on the social, circumstantial and emotional factors I needed an expert opinion on. That said, a competent and confident psychologist who has a sound knowledge of the different helping models (ie so that they can dip into those different models according to the patient's needs and issues), and has the necessary skills to develop rapport with patients is probably worth their weight in gold. I do worry about the number of people who hold themselves out as being counsellors when they've had little (if any) training in this area. Link to post Share on other sites
NewMe Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Hi Beth, I'm not on LS that much anymore, but your posts have really spoken to me. I wish I could help you in some small way. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you that isn't "wrong" many people... meaning I think we all have our areas of particular emotional difficulty. Letting go happens to be hard for a lot of us here. Knowing that breakups have always been disproportionately hard for me, I went to a psychiatrist after my last relationship ended. I was diagnosed with an "adjustment disorder" and chose to try medication and talk therapy. The therapy was okay -- I really needed someone to listen to me unjudgmentally -- but once I started feeling less panicked, I ddn't feel like I was getting enough out of it. I wanted to "fix" the self-esteem issues I felt like were the root of my problems, not just get over this particular loss. So I continued with the meds (am just starting to think about going off them after 7 months), but switched to a "life coach." I decided I wasn't "sick" in the way shrinks make people feel like there is something "wrong" with them. (Though, believe me, I know what it feels like to wonder if you're crazy.) Anyway, my guy has a philosophical outlook on life which works for me, also he gives me feedback. I can't stand it when therapists just sit there, I feel like I could be talking to a cat or something. Anyway I don't know if I actually said anything you can use, but I did want to offer some words of encouragement. I feel pretty fantastic most of the time now, and do feel like talking helped me a lot. From what I can tell about you from the posts of yours I've read, I think the right therapist might really help you spring back and thrive. I just sense it about you. The clouds will part, it will happen! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 thanks Newme I have never been great with change...in any aslepct of life....ever since I was little. I am going to go back to therapy...like you said tho, they just sit there??? Well the 1st one I went to did. I cannot imagine any other reason other than something is wrong wtih me that I cannot let go of someone that really is not that great to me? Do you still get sad? Do you miss your ex? What other things did you find to occupy your time? I know that if I ever had a normal relationship, I would never hold on so long, but I have had all bad ones. Well, only 2 in my life really. But both abusive in some sense. I just feel so strong some day and then others I feel so sad and just cry. Myhappiness depends on him and my goal in therapy is to find a way to make myself happy minus a guy in my life thanks for the post! Link to post Share on other sites
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