Rose13 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 My boyfriend of three years left me a couple of weeks ago. We lived in a house owned by his parents so he asked me to move out that day and there was very little explanation, he actually said “I wish I could explain myself better”. There has been next to no contact on his end besides one night where I think his emotions got the best of him and he asked me to come over and I stayed the night. The next day he was back to ignoring me. His silence makes it clear it’s over and I haven’t tried contacting him anymore after that night (besides for when I needed to pick up a few last items). I am just wondering if there was a significant moment for any of you where you could finally accept the fact it was over? Or was it just a time thing? My head knows it’s done but my hearts still not accepting it and every time I get a text I hope so badly it’s him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Well the usual answer is when you learn that the other person is dating again. The real answer is when they are in a committed relationship again. Because we can always rationalize ourselves around the dating thing. Not so much the committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Magleaf Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I know your mind is going to be going in many different directions right now...is he confused? did he find someone else? did I do something wrong? will he come back with time and silence? It's honestly so hard....I'm only 1.5 months out. And it was horrible. But even 1.5 months out....I'm not crying anymore, I go hours of the day without thinking about him, I'm laughing more, etc. I know that "it gets better" is scary to hear. I still ask questions, but am starting to get better at reminding myself that what is so painstakingly true is the fact that "it doesn't matter." ^It is so true.... he left. He chose to leave. That's it. The whys, hows, maybes....none of them matter. Someone chose to leave you, to make you move out, and (quite frankly) to be a coward and give you no explanation while treating you in a very disrespectful and confusing manner. Screw that...you deserve better. One thing that has helped me is to STOP focusing so much on the positives, and remember to remember what was negative, didn't work. I'm sure you can think of some. "It gets better" is scary to hear because, a lot of the time, we are more scared of ourselves moving on than the other person moving on. For some sick reason, I think we believe that if the only person dying for the relationship to last starts to move on, then its all over. But fast-forward to the you who IS moving on...and I'm sure she has a different perspective than the you right now. Let time do its thing. Give yourself a hug. We're all here. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 (edited) My boyfriend of three years left me a couple of weeks ago. We lived in a house owned by his parents so he asked me to move out that day and there was very little explanation, he actually said “I wish I could explain myself better”. There has been next to no contact on his end besides one night where I think his emotions got the best of him and he asked me to come over and I stayed the night. The next day he was back to ignoring me. His silence makes it clear it’s over and I haven’t tried contacting him anymore after that night (besides for when I needed to pick up a few last items). I am just wondering if there was a significant moment for any of you where you could finally accept the fact it was over? Or was it just a time thing? My head knows it’s done but my hearts still not accepting it and every time I get a text I hope so badly it’s him. Getting to that point of acceptance will be a slow, painful process. I won't sugarcoat it. It may even get worse before it gets better. Right now, things are fresh. 3 weeks is nothing. You're probably still in shock for the most part. But as long as you understand that the healing will take time and you expect the storm as you process the pain and gain some clarity, you'll be okay. There's no rushing it. When my ex and I broke up last year, she returned to her ex again who was the very guy she had officially ended it with, when she met me. I guess for awhile I was in denial. Part of me thought they'd break up and that maybe Id hear from her again in the future. Many people on here and in real life believed they wouldn't work out. The reason being that people don't usually put in the necessary self-work to change in the ways that can fix the original probems. The happiness of reunited masks the problems for awhile until complacency settles in and then same patterns resurface. Because of that, I couldn't help the small bit of hope I felt. That is, until they got engaged a few months back. That was when I accepted it was over. Took about 8 months. - Beach Edited July 17, 2018 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Acceptance comes when you realise that the relationship was broken and needed to end. In your history https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/659902-why-he-doing-me you talk about how the relationship had been rubbish and fighting for the last few months. You've never said what the issue was, but it's a damn big red flag. Then add to it all the on and off drama after he pulled the plug. I know it will take a while to get used to it, but it sounds like you're much better out of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 *Correction to my post. I wanted to write "A few weeks is nothing." Not "3 weeks is nothing." Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I knew it was over when it never started...hahaha. In the past, I've let men get away with a lot that had nothing to do with dating me, because they weren't apparently. I know I will have lots of offers in the near future if I so choose it--I know for me it would be over if the person removed the smile from my face and heart with their ugliness. I wouldn't even look back if a date put a frown on my pretty little face. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 For me, I reach a point when I don't want him anymore. Either I see flaws in his character that came out during the break up, or he hurts me enough that I know I can't trust and love him anymore. At that point it is my decision to end it, not just accepting his decision. Link to post Share on other sites
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