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Stuck, Lost and not getting any answer


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 30th June 2018, 8:05 AM   #1
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Stuck, Lost and not getting any answer

I came across this site when searching for how to deal with somebody going through grief. After reading most of the posts and comments it has finally given me the courage to openly speak.

Please read the entire thing as it kind of feels twisted, messed up and totally crazy.

All this started around 16 years ago and it still continues and I feel like it has finally broken me down. I met this girl when I was 13 year old and we both fell in love like opposite sides of a magnet. However 2 years into the relation I made a mistake and cheated on her (kissed another girl, nothing else). She found out about it and I told her the truth, but she never gave me a second chance. I did everything possible to make it up to her but she never wanted to get into a relationship with me but we still continued talking and doing things we would normally do for each other like when people are in a relation; but she never wanted the relationship tag. I would travel cities to meet her and be with her cause I was madly in love with her.

A few years later, when we were around 19, she cut me out cold turkey without saying a word, not picking up my calls or returning them. I found out she was in a relationship with another guy. I brought it up with her and with a lot of hesitation she finally told me the truth and ultimately made me feel like I never existed in her world. She said he’s the only guy she’s fallen so badly for. I did everything possible to keep myself distracted and made sure I was strong about it. A year later I found myself falling for another woman and had got into a relationship with her. My ex-girlfriend now found out about it and started crying about it and called me up. I told her the truth but she was not okay with it but ultimately forgot about me.

Two later from that, my father passed away. To be honest I really did expect my ex-girlfriend to be there as she was extremely close to my dad. But she made a 5 minute visit and left without showing her face or being there for me and my family. Staying strong with the loss of my father and focusing on my current relation I made it past some very difficult moments in life for me. A year later I receive a call from my ex-girlfriend sobbing bitterly and saying that her boyfriend had left and she was completely devastated, Me not being able to see her like that was there for her and helped her rebuild herself for a whole year inspite of being in a relationship.

My girlfriend and I grew stronger and was working our way towards an engagement, my ex-girlfriend now found another guy and again decided to cut me off completely. Late one night I received an invitation saying she was getting engaged, I wished her best of luck with her life and that was it. Unfortunately for both us the engagements dint work out and we ultimately had to call it off and we both fell back into each other’s life but again she dint want the relationship tag.

We grew stronger now and got even more close to each other. So I spoke to her and thought we should get married, but when she bluntly rejected me and said her parents wouldn’t be okay with it. We dint let that hamper our relation and continued. Months later her parents found a guy for her to marry and that dint work out either. Round two I tried asking her again and she still said NO. Months later, she finds another guy and again that dint work out. Three times a charm right! Well not in my case, it was still a No.

Now after finally giving up I finally decided to not go back there again and I found a beautiful girl who is probably me or my female version and started dating her. When I finally started moving on from the idea of my ex-girlfriend and I being the one, my ex-girlfriend finally decides and says she wants to give us a shot and she can convince her parents about us. I did not believe her cause of everything that has happened, but she insisted and did not let go of me. After a year of being with my beautiful girlfriend I finally called it off to be with my ex-girlfriend. But only to find out she was cheating on me all along with another guy. Her reasoning was she couldn’t handle my relation with my girlfriend.

Anyways as hard as it was, I let it go and made her promise me that she would never get in touch with the other guy because I thought we had finally reached that place and I dint want to go back. Unfortunately somebody extremely close to her passed away recently and now again she acts like I don’t exist and keeps me at a distance, says she’s not emotionally connected, feels lost all the time, doubts whatever is going on around her, doesn’t give me straight forward answers, unfortunately / fortunately I found out she’s still in touch with the other guy.

Today, I have lost my trust in every single human being and everything else, I feel broken, disrespected, cheated on, hurt, losing my piece of mind, not thinking straight and just completely helpless. I have tried everything possible keeping myself busy, working on things I should have completed in the past. I asked her if she wants me in her life, her answer is “at this point I can’t tell you anything”, im not sure what I want. I said what if start seeing somebody else (hypothetically) her response is, why do you want to do that.

I am a mess right now, but I am still trying to be strong and supportive for her cause I believe she’s in a bad place now and now is not the time to add more pressure to her. But all this is reaching my breaking point.

I hope you’ll have some answers / advice for me cause this entire journey has been a complete mess and I don’t know what I can do anymore.

Thanks for reading
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Old 30th June 2018, 2:06 PM   #2
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You two started young but never managed to fully connect or let go. 16 years is a long time.

As you know from your father's death, that kind of loss takes hold & can mess with your head badly. Some of this girl's present problems do stem from that. However most of them don't. She has always relied on you to stroke her ego. No matter what -- you were there for her, dropping good people in your life to go chasing after her only to have her cheat on you, lie to you, & play you for a fool. Yet, you'd come back again & again when this damsel was in distress.

The saddest part is she never really cared about you. Only herself.

You need to cut her permanently out of your life. She never deserved the pedestal you put her on at age 13. Over the years you have raised her in esteem because in your mind she was amazing. In real life she is selfish & manipulative.

Do not give up on all people. Just give up on her. The other women you have loved over the years did not treat you poorly. Only this girl screwed with your head. Once you get her off the pedestal she never deserved & recognize the reality of who she actual is vs. who you have built her up to be, you will move forward in a healthy positive way
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