15 years later

[CrazyKatLady]

fell in love when I was around 22, 23 yrs old or younger...2004 maybe?? the boy hated me, then did me ugly out of revenge...never even knew he cared...guessing he didn't...name was brent. I saw him in everyone I met, couldn't explain why I cared so much...been messed up ever since, not sure why? but if that's what he wanted then so be it...i wanted things too that I never got from him. I'm moving on. I can't fix this. but I did ache for his pain. sorry it hurt...i suffered much too, for him...thats all I have to say...i guess I will never move on totally. I'm alright with that. I'm ok alone.

[Dmoney28]

I read your post, and could not help but to add my 2 cents. I understand where you are coming from. I first came here around 2008, over my ex who dumped me (rightfully so) because of my cheating. I loved her at the time, so much so I went to a psychologist, went back to church and addressed childhood issues relating to my mother and women in general. It took years before I could get into another relationship, and I proudly say I am different person.....but so is she. Over the decade she got married and had a family. The only reason why I know that this, is because for whatever reason she kept communication open, I was stupid enough to fall for it, delaying me getting 100% over her.

 

I learned over the years that you... the individual, is ultimately responsible for your happiness and well being, not another person. They can compliment your life, but should not be the focal point. Even after 10 years, she still pops up into my head, but I don't feel the achy, gnawing emotion distress anymore.....I don't carry the guilt of cheater anymore. At some point I think our subconscious tells us "it's okay, we need to let go". Whether that be a year or 10, that day will come, and it will feel like a mountain has been removed from your back. Hang in there, I know it feels eternal. But if someone as screwed up as me can make it out the other side, you will be okay. God speed in your journey

[preraph]

The work you need to do is with a therapist so you can find out what would make you fall in love with a boy who hated you and treated you bad. So you don't do it again. Something made you think this was the right situation for yourself -- obviously it isn't, but you're still stuck on it. So it's something inside you and it would be freeing to find out why so you can move on and be attracted to men who actually like you.

[CrazyKatLady]

Thanks for the comments. I am over it, working on letting it go now...that guy is married and I don't obsess over it. I already know why I felt the way I did...and I know it wasn't love in the good sense. And I know I was depressed over losing my mom and lost inside...and he was everything I secretly would have wanted (looks, good family, smart-kind of) and I felt he was a better man than he put off to me and others...I had always dated guys based on laughter but whom my friends thought were overweight and ugly before this guy I "loved." But I look at people for who they are on the inside, not for the outside appearance. So, he threw me for a loop is all. I had never been around anyone that disliked me so much, too, or treated me stupid...which I was...but I had a good heart, just was lost and in a depression but didn't know it. I know now to get help with depression and I wouldn't want to talk to him again...it just felt good to let it go. I don't even know that boy and it's fine. I was young. I didn't deserve the harsh treatment, I was dealing with things the best I could then. I hope it hurt bad, is all I have to say...I don't want therapy for it...I know how to deal with it...I give my all to God. I don't need a savior anymore, I already had one all along.

[stillafool]

I don't think you are really over this if 15 years later you are still coping with this and thus this thread. Maybe you do need therapy as well as God's help.