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So my ex is marrying someone after only 1 month of knowing him.


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 14th June 2018, 1:29 AM   #1
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So my ex is marrying someone after only 1 month of knowing him.

Ok some of you know me please don't smawitch my threads together. This one needs to be uts own.

I was with this girl for 8 years and have 3 kids with her together. About almost 3 years ago she cheated and left me for some guy named Bernie . That guy ended up leaving her for his ex wife he also could not put up with my ex too. They broke up 10 times in 2 years. How do I know? My ex and him would come to me with the issues they had with eachother yea weird.

After she jumped into a nether relationship with some guy named Sergio. Again he couldn't out up with her. After that 2nd guy she sucked me back in and we were FWB except it became more then just that. That lasted 10 months I couldn't put up with her and I finally found out why. She is a narccisist. I look back on all the abuse physical, emotional, mental, and verbal, the liying, cheating ,and so on I endured with her that's when after 11 years of knowing her I found out and learned she was a narcissist.

So after I "discarded" her she jumps into a new relationship a week after with a guy named Julio 27 year old at her Job that I just got her (yea I got her a fing job).

After only knowing eachother for 2 weeks he leaves a voice message on her phone saying at the end that he loves her. (Don't ask how I know I just know). I was at first depressed, sad and confused. I was also like this guy loves boddy building and all about gym life. What guy like him with no kids single get with a 24 year old single mother of 3?

Then that's when I found out she was a narccisist and looked at it and said in my mind. Julio good luck buddy. So I stop giving 2 cents about her.

Well after a month of knowing this guy and yes they did not know eachother before that. She brings him around our 3 kids. Right off the bat she told our kids ages 7,5,and 3 that this guy is her new BF. And on top on the first day she leaves our kids alone with him. You know what he told my 5 year old daughter. I'm going to marry you mommy and be your new daddy. You can see how big of a red flag all of this is. My daughter told me she dosnt like him,she felt sad, she felt uncontible, she felt mommy was giving her love and attention to her new BF my other kids said the same thing.

So I sent my ex an email in an adult professional way in regards of our children's and my concerns and feelings. My exes response it my life I will do as I wish. Yea that's what she said she didn't care nore has she really cared for our children meaning they are last in line her relationship and her are first. Anyway I tried to explain to my children in an adult father way with out bashing their mother on the situation. See my kids already and have for the past year detached from their mother because of her actions.

So again last week my ex shows off her ring while her new BF is there to my kids and basicly tells them her and Julio are geting married.
So again I have to help my children cope with it.

Bernie also told my ex he was going to marry her after a month he was all talk thoe. My ex brought Bernie around our kids after a month but it was always her friend latter the kids cought on. Bernie well always said to me that I'm their father not him. I also found out by him my ex kept pushing him to be around the kids when he really didn't want to.

So my few questions are as stated.

What the hell is going on with my ex?
What person marries after a month?
Why do Narcacist do all of this as I described?
How can I help our kids cope with this?
This all of this is not going to end well is it?
This guy has to have red flags all over him or is it me?
Is this guy a narssist too?

Last edited by Ltdan459; 14th June 2018 at 1:41 AM..
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Old 14th June 2018, 4:26 PM   #2
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Why do you care so much about what your ex does?


Find other things to focus on.



It will be good for you.
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Old 14th June 2018, 5:16 PM   #3
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You dodged a bullet.

That doesn't help your broken heart but it's true.

Make sure your kids are safe. Focus on being a good dad & never mind about anything else she's doing.
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Old 15th June 2018, 4:40 PM   #4
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You dodged a bullet.

That doesn't help your broken heart but it's true.

Make sure your kids are safe. Focus on being a good dad & never mind about anything else she's doing.
Your right I did dodge a bullet but why am I depressed? I mean this isn't the first time she did this hole marriage thing. The last guy told her the same crap yet but only because he noticed his free ride was pulling away I knew it wouldnt last and I was right. This guy how ever got her and actual ring. Part of me is saying this can not work. No one marries or even things of rhis stuff after one month. No one can put up with my ex unless he is nuts too. But why am I depressed ,sad and miss her why after all she did to me over the years all the abuse physical, emotional, mental,and verbal, the lies, the cheating, all of it. Was it because we were each others first everything? Was it because we had 8 years 3 kids? Or do I miss being the narssist supply?
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Old 15th June 2018, 6:32 PM   #5
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Your right I did dodge a bullet but why am I depressed? I mean this isn't the first time she did this hole marriage thing. The last guy told her the same crap yet but only because he noticed his free ride was pulling away I knew it wouldnt last and I was right. This guy how ever got her and actual ring. Part of me is saying this can not work. No one marries or even things of rhis stuff after one month. No one can put up with my ex unless he is nuts too. But why am I depressed ,sad and miss her why after all she did to me over the years all the abuse physical, emotional, mental,and verbal, the lies, the cheating, all of it. Was it because we were each others first everything? Was it because we had 8 years 3 kids? Or do I miss being the narssist supply?
As someone who had a relationship with a narcissist, I think you're a victim of missing the abuse so to speak. My narcissistic ex just recently jumped into a relationship with a single mother aged 23 with 3 children - a newborn and 2 toddlers and after two weeks they're in love and do family things together. I was hurt, shocked, depressed, and disgusted. I joined a Depression Support Group and one guy there told me that dealing with a toxic ex is like having a disease. For instance, you have the disease for so long that when it finally goes away, you're not exactly sure how to deal with it. How do you live your life without the drama, the toxicity, the abuse, the lies, cheating, and hurt? You feel like you'd rather have the disease back, because it's familiar and predictable. I think it's more difficult in your case, because you two have children together. For me, posting on here, going to the support group, working out, and trying to be positive is slowly somewhat helping. But it's hard. Just when I think I'm making progress, I learn something new about what's going on with my ex and it brings me back down. Good luck to you and your children!
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Old 15th June 2018, 6:43 PM   #6
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As someone who had a relationship with a narcissist, I think you're a victim of missing the abuse so to speak. My narcissistic ex just recently jumped into a relationship with a single mother aged 23 with 3 children - a newborn and 2 toddlers and after two weeks they're in love and do family things together. I was hurt, shocked, depressed, and disgusted. I joined a Depression Support Group and one guy there told me that dealing with a toxic ex is like having a disease. For instance, you have the disease for so long that when it finally goes away, you're not exactly sure how to deal with it. How do you live your life without the drama, the toxicity, the abuse, the lies, cheating, and hurt? You feel like you'd rather have the disease back, because it's familiar and predictable. I think it's more difficult in your case, because you two have children together. For me, posting on here, going to the support group, working out, and trying to be positive is slowly somewhat helping. But it's hard. Just when I think I'm making progress, I learn something new about what's going on with my ex and it brings me back down. Good luck to you and your children!
I agree with this. And I'll also add....and I've said this several times here on LS....sometimes it's easy to confuse emotional angst with emotional connection. I used to be like this after being in a 14-year marriage with so much emotional turmoil. For many years, I didn't know how to love without that emotional intensity....but it wasn't a good intensity and that's what I had to learn when "no fighting" seemed boring . But, it may be all you know, as it was all I knew since I got married so young, at age 23. It is possible to change these faulty pathways in your brain, though. I suggest lots of time ....and therapy is also very helpful .

With that said, your ex is making terrible decisions as a mother of very young children. Allowing any man to tell YOUR child that he's the new daddy is unforgivable.
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Old 15th June 2018, 11:19 PM   #7
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Looking back I suffered all my life with her from abuse of all kinds, physical, emotional, mental, verbal, just all kinds and don't know what to do to deal with it. It's all just hitting me like a sack of bricks ever since I looked up narrcicest and that started on accident when looking up vedios of rebounds. Even still on this web site we use Talking Parents I had set up in the courts she still dose it. Even bringing up him basicly raising our kids. She won't stop she put screan shot of her call logs when I I had to call when regarding the kids because she won't use the site and She put it in my face she calls him. She saves him as daddy Hart Hart Hart.

What suport groups are in orange county .CA? I'm a mess again and She is making it worse even on our children they seem they need therapy too.
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Old 15th June 2018, 11:24 PM   #8
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I noticed I lost a weght I use to be skinny my ex always put me down ever since I gain weight after our kids witch I'm back to a size Large or medium and feel fat I feel worthless she even would make comments about how I was in social ed back in elementary school calling me stupid or retarded she also makes comments about me being adopted how even my real mother didn't even want me. She would cuss me out and stuff. All the abuse I endowed from her also happen in front of our kids even on the phone our kids would hear.

She broke me down so much to the point well yea.
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Old 16th June 2018, 8:36 AM   #9
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What suport groups are in orange county .CA?
I watch The Real Housewives of Orange County. Based on the crazy I've observed on that show, there HAVE to be support groups galore in Orange County!

But seriously, a quick Google search resulted in this:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/g.../orange-county
Divorce Care Support Groups Orange County CA
https://www.meetup.com/NewBeginnings...2rZZADbcJry6Fo
https://www.meetup.com/topics/divorc...newport_beach/
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Old 16th June 2018, 8:52 AM   #10
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They are not married yet. And if they do, it may not last.
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Old 23rd June 2018, 9:58 PM   #11
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Update after a week this thread was posted

My ex left our daughter alone for 8 hours with her new BF.

So I get word from my oldest Daughter since she is out of school my ex had no one to watch her on her day while she had to go to work. So what dose she do. She leaves her with her new BF she only known for a month at his resistance. My daughter said they were in (HIS ROOM PLAYING MINECRAFT) HIS ****ING ROOM ALONE WITH OUR DAUGHTER. WTF is wrong with my ex? Dose she think or care about their safety? So I tried to talk to her about it and tell her this is not ok mabye after what 6 or 9 months knowing him bring him around the kids not left alone with him but a ****ing month and you already leave him alone with our kids after this guy a week before told our kids he was going to marry you and be their new daddy on the first day he met them after only knowing you for a month. Anyway my ex said it's her life she can do as she pleased and blamed me again. Like woman I have a Job I work during the day just like you. I had to find a job and babysitter (Family) that works with our 50/50 cousdoty. Yea she blamed me for all of this it's my fault because I couldn't watch them on her days. I would if she hadn't used me in the past and ended up abandoning them on me while still collecting child support. Anyway I finally text this new guy to express my concerns and let him know my role and his role with me and my exes kids. I also told him if he hurts my kids I will take legal action. He said he understands and that he will (Protect the kids) bro that's my ****ing job. Then he went on how my ex dose not love me and that she is all hers. I said I don't care you put up with a cheater since I and the last 4 guys couldn't put up with her I'm just talking about my kids. He then continues to say my ex is all his and calls me pathetic and I have no ambition in life basicly I'm a low life. Bro you don't know me lol.

On top of this So now my ex is having me deal with her new boy friend when it comes to co parenting with her. He is basicly calling the shots how things will happen,going to be and what I am to do in regards with our kids. Bro stay the **** out of me and my exes business. He is trying to act like he is the father going so far as watching our daughter alone at his place.
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