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Will I ever find THIS level of passion again?


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Old 12th June 2018, 5:54 PM   #1
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Will I ever find THIS level of passion again?

One thing im struggling mightily with is the idea that my ex was truly the most unique, sexy, funny, "perfect for me" girl that I've ever been with. I was truly enamored with her and she was the only girl that I was genuinely excited about possibly marrying.

Im 42 years old, previously married, and spent nearly 2 decades in long term relationships. It took that long to get a girl like this. Since we've broken up, I don't have high hopes that I will meet someone that I'm so passionate about. It's depressing to think that I may never find this again.

My question is, is this a common feeling during heartbreak? Will I love like this again? Has anyone felt like this and had it dissipate over time? While my divorce really sucked, I was more upset about losing the family. I was actually excited about the chance to find the love of my life.

Side note - Paradoxically, she was also the worst girlfriend I've ever had. She wasn't very appreciative, a bit entitled to my time and resources, not very warm, lacked empathy, rude, etc. Weird huh.
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Old 12th June 2018, 7:01 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith View Post
she was also the worst girlfriend I've ever had. She wasn't very appreciative, a bit entitled to my time and resources, not very warm, lacked empathy, rude, etc. Weird huh.
Not weird but should be eye opening for you...

Love has to go both ways and it seems you loved her but she didn't love you...
Breakups suck... sorry
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Old 13th June 2018, 1:23 PM   #3
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As Selena says, the heart wants what it wants.
You don't control who you fall for, even in the face of taunts.
What you do control is how you respond, and who you choose to allow into your life,
Eventually after the vetting period, you can find yourself a lovable new wife!
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Old 13th June 2018, 1:29 PM   #4
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IME, every 'passion' has been unique. I got away from 'rating' them a long time ago. If it's satisfying and valued, it is. IMO, if we're healthy, we never lose the capacity for love and passion until we're dead.
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Old 13th June 2018, 1:46 PM   #5
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Passion is delightful, but often isn't sustainable at intense levels for long stretches of time. And if it is, there are often other things that may not work well for a relationship.

That said, I won't accept less than a passionate start to a relationship, and it must be with someone who has all the other compatibility factors needed for the long term. Passion may fade, at least somewhat.

And yes, when a relationship ends, it's normal to question if you'll find something comparable, much less better. It depends on many factors, and a big heaping of luck. However, if you can be patient, and focus your search, you can find someone very, very good - it will be different, for sure, than any past relationship. However, it could also be much better. My own experience is that I found a large portion of passion combined with a very highly compatible personality.
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Old 13th June 2018, 1:56 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by TeddyPSmith View Post
One thing im struggling mightily with is the idea that my ex was truly the most unique, sexy, funny, "perfect for me" girl that I've ever been with. I was truly enamored with her and she was the only girl that I was genuinely excited about possibly marrying.

Im 42 years old, previously married, and spent nearly 2 decades in long term relationships. It took that long to get a girl like this. Since we've broken up, I don't have high hopes that I will meet someone that I'm so passionate about. It's depressing to think that I may never find this again.

My question is, is this a common feeling during heartbreak? Will I love like this again? Has anyone felt like this and had it dissipate over time? While my divorce really sucked, I was more upset about losing the family. I was actually excited about the chance to find the love of my life.

Side note - Paradoxically, she was also the worst girlfriend I've ever had. She wasn't very appreciative, a bit entitled to my time and resources, not very warm, lacked empathy, rude, etc. Weird huh.
You'll need to explain this further.

Your confession that she was the "worst girlfriend" yet you were so passionate about her that you even thought about marrying her seems there is a serious disconnect with you.

What did you see in her that had you so hooked?

Why did you break-up? Who broke it off? How long have you been broken up?

To answer your question, I'm sure we've all felt this way after a serious break-up. The good news is, you will not only get over it but you'll thank heaven you didn't settle for hot-mess girlfriend. It just takes one good woman with a good heart to make you forget all about her. Just remember to remain open.

Good luck.
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Old 13th June 2018, 4:16 PM   #7
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Your confession that she was the "worst girlfriend" yet you were so passionate about her that you even thought about marrying her seems there is a serious disconnect with you.
We wanted the same things in life. She checked nearly every box physically for me. She was weird and unique, not run-of-the-mill. All of her good qualities were things that are almost absolutely required for me.

Her bad qualities were deal breakers for me. This caused so much internal conflict. It would be like if you looked at the scales of justice, in a healthy relationship you might have a 1 lb weight on one side and a 1 lb weight on the other side. In our case, there was a 100 lb weigh on one side and a 100 lb weight on the other. Too much disparity.

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What did you see in her that had you so hooked?
She was so raw and a bit unpredictable. She was also passionate. She wanted to be loved. She was a little crazy. I could take care of her. The sex was phenomenal.

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Why did you break-up? Who broke it off? How long have you been broken up?
I broke up with her several times in the relationship but always took her back. She ultimately broke up with me and would not take me back. Its been 4 months. It was strict NC the whole time until I ran into her at a bar. I just walked away and then sent her a nasty text. A couple days later she updated her FB relationship status and posted pictures of her new boyfriend, a decade younger than her and quite a stellar human being as far as accomplishments go.

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you will not only get over it but you'll thank heaven you didn't settle for hot-mess girlfriend. It just takes one good woman with a good heart to make you forget all about her. Just remember to remain open.
Thank you. I hope this is the case. She was the polar opposite of my ex wife and I think that was part of the huge attraction. If only her negative qualities were a little more like my ex wife it would've been perfect. I need someone right in the middle I suppose.
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Old 13th June 2018, 5:54 PM   #8
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No one is perfect. No one ticks all the boxes. You have to find someone you love despite their irritating parts.
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