JustAGirlx Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 I was seeing a guy for a few weeks towards the end of last year. Anyway, its the usual story of things going amazingly well and then taking a very fast turn for the worst. We went to see a horror movie, he left midway through the movie and waited outside, and then he decided he didn't want to stay round mine that night and it made me panic a bit. I realised he could maybe see I was getting a bit too attached and pulled away because of it. Also I was in a really good place mentally when we met, but after a couple of weeks I started to dip back into depression. This was mainly because I had recently moved out, and met new people who I was spending a big amount of my time with for a couple of weeks but it ended. He came over one night and said he didn't feel like he was ready to commit and just wanted to be friends, said he would message me in a couple of days and did not. I reached out to him two weeks later, and let him know I was upset that he hadn't messaged, and he didn't really seem to respond so I just completely lost my temper. Anyways, I since asked him about being friends and he told me that I put him off with angry messages. I realised I could've handled it better, and it upsets me because I feel like we could've been good friends outside of this situation. It took me a while to get over not being together but I still miss him occasionally and I sometimes feel overwhelming guilt over what i did and saddened that hes forever got this really awful image of me, while I only have fond memories of him. I feel lonely a lot and only have like one real friend who I see maybe once a week so I feel extra sad when I lose friendships. I spend most of my time alone in my room either studying or watching movies. I guess I just want to know how to get over missing him and feeling guilty, how to accept what happened, or just something to make me feel better about the way I acted because I'm not okay with it Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Don't feel guilty. His offer of friendship wasn't genuine. It meant that he was OK having sex without a commitment or that he hoped there wouldn't be big ugly public scenes if you bumped into each other. He was not offering to spend time, talk, hang out or share. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustAGirlx Posted May 18, 2018 Author Share Posted May 18, 2018 I'm not sure. When we were seeing each other he said that even if things didn't work out he wanted to stay friends and he said he found me interesting So, I don't know if he meant it or not, or maybe he changed his mind? anyway I made a bunch of silly mistakes when we were dating and in the time after, so I find it difficult to not blame myself that he doesn't want to be friends Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 People always say stuff like that but they don't mean it. I'm not saying hate him but do recognize this is a non starter & nothing to feel guilty about Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 (edited) Hey OP, I lost a lot of people in my life too. Friends, girlfriends etc. I know the pain. Like you I spend most of my time studying and in solitude. You didn't do anything wrong here and it's not your fault. Remember that. But because you blame yourself, the pain lingers. Consider the fact that you gave your best to him when you were with him and he still decided to leave. This is on him, not you. There is a certain comfort in knowing nothing you could have done would have changed that outcome. No point in being upset over what we can't control. What else could you have done? Pretended to be someone else? Perhaps he would have remained then? It's bs. As Donnivain said, his lame suggestion for friendship was not genuine but just a way to tell you "No hard feelings." He had no intentions of staying. Furthermore, he made you feel terrible for getting upset when anyone would have felt the way you felt. Our mind can play tricks on us sometimes. When we blame ourself for the loss of someone, we feel their absence and their silence all the more and that self-blame can transform a not so great person into a prince/princess. It's a glorified, distorted version of who they really were. The reality is, this guy wasn't all that great of a person as your mind painted him to be. I know it's easier said than done but we don't need to cry and hang on to the people who don't wish to be in our life when there are many people in the world who do. I would suggest taking up some group-oriented activities that will help you see that for yourself. It'll help. The more people you meet, the less emphasis you will put him because it'll remind you that there is a world beyond him. Best of luck - Beach Edited May 23, 2018 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 well said, Beach. I have to say, I am now taking a man at face value for his words and actions, and it is pretty darn easy to now see a jerk for what they are now...a jerk. That is when I walk the f**k away. It is a learning process, it hurts like hell, but less each time, and now I am almost in a place where I call the shots about what I need...if they aren't bringing up, I too, can be happy moving on. Yes! Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 As a guy, I can tell you that you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. Zero. None. Put it behind you as if it never happened and go on with your day. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
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