Kristine Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Makes it harder to move on when he's contacting me. He said happy birthday and wished me luck dating. It's like he's trying to be friends, and I can't be friends with him I love him too much. I can barely handle being friends with my daughters dad because I feel so awkward knowing so much about him when we were married that being around him and his wife makes me uncomfortable. Anyway we had a get together last night and it's good for my daughter to see us get along. But I'm glad we had the buffer of more people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Today he texted he met someone, my best friend thinks he's lying but the fact is he will one day if it's not today and it makes me really sad. I wish he would have fought for me. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Today he texted he met someone, my best friend thinks he's lying but the fact is he will one day if it's not today and it makes me really sad. I wish he would have fought for me. Why would he text you that? He sounds like a jerk. No wonder your mom doesn't like him. Happy Belated Birthday . Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) Makes it harder to move on when he's contacting me. He said happy birthday and wished me luck dating. It's like he's trying to be friends, and I can't be friends with him I love him too much. I can barely handle being friends with my daughters dad because I feel so awkward knowing so much about him when we were married that being around him and his wife makes me uncomfortable. Anyway we had a get together last night and it's good for my daughter to see us get along. But I'm glad we had the buffer of more people. Hey OP, You can't be friends with an ex when the heart is broken. Not right now. Not anytime in the near future. Residual feelings are there which makes having a friendship impossible at the moment. Right now, you need a lot of time away to grieve and heal and get over things. Furthermore, he'll meet someone new. You'll meet someone new. And the truth is neither of you will bring your new squeeze anywhere near eachother nor will that new person be cool with an ex lingering around. So eventually, either him or you will get phased out. By sticking around continuing to talk to one another, you will have to face this reality the hard way. Perhaps a friendship may be possible a few years later once the two of you have both gotten to a point where you have learned to be happy without eachother..but for now? Nope. Take control of the situation for your well-being. Let him know that you'll need time away for yourself. He should understand your reasoning and respect your boundaries. That means no contacting eachother on any special days either like birthdays, christmas holidays etc. If he texts you again, delete them without reading them. If you need to, delete his number and block him on whatsapp. Also unfriend him off of social media if you have him on it should you feel tempted to stalk him. This way you don't see updates that hurt you. Right now, the objective is to heal. Edited March 12, 2018 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 I told him I can't be friends with him and to please stop texting me. I'm sure he will. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I told him I can't be friends with him and to please stop texting me. I'm sure he will. That’s all you can do! Just block his number. What he did was rude and uncalled for to throw his dating life in your face. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I told him I can't be friends with him and to please stop texting me. I'm sure he will. That's good. Hopefully if he will respect that. If he doesn't, you will have to be strong and do what is necessary for yourself. Be ready. - Beach 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 I should have known he kept telling me to go find someone. If he loved me he sure was throwing me away so it doesn't seem like it. I'm just really hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 All night last night I toss and turned with my ex on my mind. I wish I would just let him go. I'm trying to date, even though it's too soon, just to take my mind off him. He's in my thoughts day and night. I'm focusing on moving out and stuff which I now don't think I can do until August though my credit is rebounding nicely. I'm trying to build up savings, which isn't going so well. I'm watching videos on getting back your ex, and I'm not sure I even want him I just really want to stop missing him. I even paid for some program to win back your ex. The one I got for free was more helpful. Gave me step by step instructions that showed me still we aren't a good match. But it's helping me focus my attention on developing myself rather than seeing talking missing my ex. It talks about making the changes that caused the break up. And one of those is moving out of mom's house onto my own place. But that's a distance out because of debts. If I move out too soon I'll fall flat on my face again. I owe my mom money and I'm basing the move out date on when she'll be paid off because that's $200/mo I can put towards rent. I know I could live the same life at $600/mo rent in August, but I will have to make cut backs because the least expensive I can find is more like $800/mo. a little over. I could make double payments to my mom to move out sooner, but that doesn't help me with savings. And if I play it wrong she'll just charge me more rent, which she really wants to do. I don't really think I can come up with a savings plan. That's just hindering my move out greatly. I live paycheck to paycheck and that's really how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 My advice... "Stay the course". Keep saving money and keep making timely payments to your mother. Eventually, you will get your Mom paid off and you can move out. It doesn't hurt to tell your Mother "thank you" once in a while. Repeat that you are thankful for having a roof over your head, etc. It will keep her off balance and she probably won't raise your rent. Can I ask how you felt about previous boyfriends and breakups?? Did you have the same issues with them, that you are having with this one particular ex-boyfriend?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 No I'm usually elated to be free. This is really unusual for me I really loved him and haven't loved to many exes of the past sad to say. I was broken up over my last marriage though. I think cause I'm older I feel less vital or something and it's making it harder to move on. Part of it is I really want to be married when I was young I really didn't want to be married and was married. I longed for freedom, no kids, no man to pick up after. Now I'm in a different place in life. I need to feel needed, there's a missing aspect to me these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I need to feel needed, there's a missing aspect to me these days. It is very mature and honest of you to admit this (missing aspect) fact. I think the first step is the admission that you have this issue (need to feel needed) and are willing to admit it (in writing) and face it, head on!! I'm proud of you for this observation. August really isn't that far away (in the grand scheme of life), and I know its hard, but you have to abide by your Mom's rules. Although its hard, you have to stay "No Contact" with your ex and keep trying to move on. Might I suggest you get yourself a paper calendar and count down the days until you can get your own place. Visualize what your own apartment will look like, how you can make it your own, how you can decorate it cheaply, make drawings of it, and keep yourself busy with that task. And of course, post on LS and keep communicating with people who want to see you succeed!! A year from now, this experience will be in your rear-view mirror and you'll look back on it and say... "It was hard, but I did it; I faced my challenge and succeeded!!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 No I'm usually elated to be free. This is really unusual for me I really loved him and haven't loved to many exes of the past sad to say. I was broken up over my last marriage though. I think cause I'm older I feel less vital or something and it's making it harder to move on. Part of it is I really want to be married when I was young I really didn't want to be married and was married. I longed for freedom, no kids, no man to pick up after. Now I'm in a different place in life. I need to feel needed, there's a missing aspect to me these days. That's some very good self-reflection there OP. I think it's difficult with this guy because of your anxiety about marriage, and needing to be needed and all these things that are a reflection of the stage you are at in your life. It has more to do with that than this guy being the one. For you, I would say don't date right now. It's just a temp fix that won't solve the problem. It's similar to getting high or drunk to cope except you are bringing other parties and their feelings into your head when your mind is already jammed up. In order to heal, you need the solo time to let that pain in so you can work through it. It will suck but over time, you'll develop an understanding and perspective of your situation that will naturally allow you see the big picture and move passed it. That can only be done by yourself. In the mean time, working on yourself is a healthy way of coping. It's good you're thinking about moving out and such. That's an excellent start. Continue to find other ways of working on yourself. For me, it's going to the gym, teaching piano, spending more time with my family etc. - Beach 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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