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Dumpee tries hard to be friends ...


Stilnaught

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A few years ago, i ended things with my then-girlfriend (she had been one of my best friends for about 4 years prior to that moment as well). Her entire life turned out to be a big lie:

- she had cheated on a guy who she had publicly disgraced for cheating on her, including trying to turn his own family against him

- she had cheated on the guy she had previously cheated with

- stealing from relatives

- bad-mouthing a few people, who she had turned out to have wronged herself

- an endless stream of inconsistencies in her love history

 

Needless to say, i couldn't cut her out of my life soon enough. I did so, and i had 2 years of peace since.

 

However, she moved back into town. As said above: we knew each other for a long time, so we have a big amount of mutual friends. I keep seeing her in my familiar hangout places lately, and she's seriously trying to "melt the ice", including overawkward laughing at my jokes in group settings.

 

How do i deal with this? I don't feel like talking to her ever again, as i'll never trust her on even the slightest of issues, and thinking about the mere existence of someone like her makes my stomach revolt. On the other hand, it's very easy to turn the situation against me: to my mutual friends, it must seem like i'm acting sour towards her while she plays the "i'm over it, lets be friends" card ....

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CantTakeMySmile

This is when you keep her at an arms distance when it a group setting, and never communicate outside of a group where you absolutely have to, without appearing rude.

 

Same situation a few times, it is only awkward if you make it...just act naturally short with her. Don’t avoid her? But don’t enagage ever! That will only make it harder in the long run.

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A smile greeting when others are around will innoculate you from being the bad guy, but then avoid like crazy and disengage (walk away) when she tries to corner you. If she manages to slip up on you, smile and say, "Oh, excuse me, I see someone!" She'll eventually get the message but meanwhile, no one thinks you're a butt. If she won't take no for an answer, maybe at some point, you whisper "It ain't gonna happen." I mean, even if she tells people that, some of them are fine with that.

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In the group settings you give her a tight lipped fake smile & curt nod of the head in acknowledgement. You be polite but cool, aloof & distant. You definitely do not engage but don't be publically rude. If you give her the least amount of attention, eventually she'll give up.

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  • 2 weeks later...
CrazyKatLady

How did you find out all that info on her half a decade later? And was she like that when ya'll dated? Are you saying all that happened when ya'll dated and were BF for 4 years and you never knew she was doing that stuff? Weird, but not impossible. If it was in her past and she wasn't doing it when together with you, maybe she had changed...I always want to hear things from the horses mouth personally, after hearing rumors...but, I say you got abit of feel good by anonymously posting about how awful she is online and you just ignore her. She obviously doesn't know how you feel or that know these things about her. That's probably why she is acting that way with you. I'm sure if she knew what you thought, she would back off real quick.

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