smile95 Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 he called me today. I am so emotional right now. I knew he would on father's day when I did not call him. I would always make a big deal of holidays. I am a little confused, but keeping my cool. He said that he is coming for me when his div is final and could not give me what I needed now. I kept it very low key. He said sorry, but that does not excuse the way he did it. I am having a lot of mixed emotions, but not giving in. GOing to run and think. He said that maybe one day the timing will be better. Finally I have it-closure and knowing that he never hated me! what a relief! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 I hope he doesn't expect you to sit and wait for him. That day may never come and he's got some pretty big balls to say that to you! Read No Foolin's thread (I bumped it up to the first page here earlier) and really try hard to go back to no contact. Ofcourse he didn't hate you, anybody in any relationship, even if it involved a MM, should know something was there to start, even though it probably would not have lasted. I understand the need to have to know for sure that he cared for you and it meant something. Hang in there and I do hope you find somebody who will make you happy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 19, 2005 Author Share Posted June 19, 2005 thanks.....ya he said that to me 3 yrs ago. But has made steps since then to move on. His own home, court sessions, etc. So, no I am not waiting, but what a relief to know that we can be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
dawn duval Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 good for you, keeping it low key! how long were you doing NC before he gave in? In any case, well done! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 19, 2005 Author Share Posted June 19, 2005 About a month. Seems to be when he breaks and calls me. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 19, 2005 Share Posted June 19, 2005 So you were right...this guy needs to call after a month or so just to make sure you're there! Well, so you finally have his call. Makes you weak with relief first and then elated, right? And makes you feel the strongest ever...it's he who called again after you didn't contact him. In a way I am glad you will have a better day today...and if he ever manages to get over his div. thing and really does come for you, that would be great. But you know what...I've been there. When he wouldn't call for a few days and I'd be sick with apprehension. When he'd call finally, it would be the best thing ever and I would "find my feet" again. That would be the time when I finally felt how I should have felt everyday....strong and self confident. Of course, I'd try and keep it low key...not to get too hopeful and to try and convince myself that it wasn't gonna work out in the end. But that lasted for precisely one day before I went back to being the same old me, hanging on to his every word. It's just so hard not to, you're habituated and addicted to doing that. Needless to say, he would do what he did again in a couple of weeks...and there you go, the cycle would start again. In my case, this went on for a long time...and I used to write him emails and try to make him see my point. And I think I really hit the mark with my last few emails....and he couldn't face upto the fact that that was indeed how he was behaving, and why I was upset. And so, he decided it was "all too stressful" for him and he needed "peace of mind" and didn't want to "do anything any more". So there...after all the mental agony, it was him who had the last word on the whole thing, and it still makes me feel like a disposable rag. Why I said this was because you know all too well for yourself, that this cycle is unlikely to end, and even if he did, he will remain the same person who ignored you for a month and came back to make sure you were still standing in line. And even though you know this, you just cannot bring yourself to cut him off and have no feelings for him. You feel validated as a person now that "he doesn't hate you", and "at least we can be friends"...meaning that you will be at least in contact with him. Believe me it was the same situation with me. I was willing to settle for a relationship entirely on his terms, just so I could still be in contact with him. So all I can say is that time will tell how this works out. And I do hope the best for you, it's not that we don't want you to get out of the pit and will try and pull you down!! But I want you to be prepared for this kind of thing again, for feeling let down again, for having to be ignored again....and it will be more painful each time, because eventually you will run out of patience. Let this thing play out...if it's possible, just try and not attach hopes to it. Take care, and remember, you were alive before he came along!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 19, 2005 Author Share Posted June 19, 2005 oh believe me...I know the cycle and this is always how it starts. He squeezes in little things in the conv implying we will be together, etc. Usually, yes, after a day I fall. Not this time. I cannot. It all sounds sweet as pie now, however, I know the game. Time will tell like you said. I am not going to get hopeful. I am not reading into it. But it is kinda funny how he is trying to get all this info from me about what I have been upto. and how he is making it clear that he loves me and thinks of me and has no one. I did need him to call. But, this time it is to be able to move on and try and learn from my past mistakes. A relief. Link to post Share on other sites
WhomiHide Posted June 20, 2005 Share Posted June 20, 2005 Youre on top of this, don't loose it! MY ex usually calls after a month too..... But oddly about my situation, her and i are still seeing each other's faces every week or so...but i dont give in.. i yelled at her the other day about pushing me away when the new fling is in..and she confirms that she does it and she doesn't know why... WOMEN!! ahhhahahah GO GIRL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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