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break up with toxic person


primer

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Did you ever break up with a toxic person and still feel hurt?

 

 

Why is that? If you know the person will never change and they constantly hurt your feelings, why is it still hard to break up with them?

 

 

It is not because I don't want to be alone. I admit, I sort of enjoy that. I enjoy the peace and quiet and no conflict.

 

 

Please be gentle. I cannot be the only person that feels this way.

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I’m so sorry for what you are going thru. Yes I have had to breakup from a toxic relationship.

 

A trauma bond is created in these situations. We actually become addicted to them treating us poorly. It is very painful to leave, even though we know we should.

 

Take some time for yourself to heal. We are with you. Take care.

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Bad relationships are rarely all negative, just like good ones are rarely all positive.

 

So, just because you can be glad that the toxic elements of the relationship have come to an end, doesn't mean you don't still feel the loss of all the things you did like about the other person and the relationship.

 

My ex was selfish, self-entitled, verbally abusive at times, generally unwilling to work on herself or compromise, and spent months cheating on me and displaying awful hurtful behavior before finally disappearing one day without warning, never to be seen again. She was also at other times loving, we had the same beliefs and values, were best friends, and enjoyed many activities together with the same level of passion.

 

The way she treated me is about as bad as it gets. Yet I miss her every day and wish we could have overcome the problems.

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Time...you really need time. It’s clear you loved this person because you’re still struggling but you need time.

 

The reason you can’t let go is because this person “completed” you in some way. Especially the beginning and that’s hard to let go off.

 

Nobody started being mean to you/us at the beginning of the relationship but towards the end.

 

Because of that we still remember the sweet person who loved us, not the new person they turned into. This causes cognitive dissonance, where you hold two ideas in your mind but the two things are contradictory to each other.

 

Example: in your mind he/she is still that sweet person who loves you but reality is showing you that they are not, that they are bad for you or as you said toxic.

 

This can be quite tricky to get over but I found out that the time and NC is the best way.

 

Good luck

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hurtsbadjusthurts

Toxic... Not sure. Certainly the effects of her actions are.

 

I'd more say, "Deeply flawed"

 

I knew about her history. She had some things happen to her that were not her fault. She just puts a fake face on everyday and pretends to be "Normal" When deep down inside she has issues she need to solve. She hurts everyday.

 

Then comes the drinking. I was warned by her own mother about it. And not just once(She physically came to my house to sit down and warn me about it. Just thought she was interfering). She used to hide it well. But in the end it just got worse and worse and worse. She uses it to cope with things. Rather than do the right thing and get help, she'd rather pretend nothing wrong with her. And its others fault.

 

I've had a problem in the past with a panic disorder. I got treatment for it. And Im much better now. I remember back when i had it(It was an awful time), all i would do was lie. Lie to myself and pretend i was just like "everyone else" I would avoid things and lie as to the reasons why?(Trying to save face and not admit to myself i had a problem) Sometimes I'd just straight up blame others. Its was easier.

 

The point being humans are complex. Sometimes we do things just because we don't know what else to do. It was only when i was honest to myself and the people around me that i got better.

 

Was i toxic... No

 

Was i a liar... Yes

 

It was the only way i could cope.

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It's hard ending a toxic relationship because when things were "good", they were AMAZING!! BUT...only as compared to the rest of the relationship because the rest of it sucked.

 

Being in a toxic relationship has a way of magnifying the few "good" times, because the bad were SO bad. Hence, why it was toxic.

 

So the addiction begins. You suffer through the bad for the next tiny shred of good, and it becomes a cyclic merry go round of self esteem destruction that you just cannot get off because, if you do, you may miss the next "good".

 

Eff that.

 

Raise that bar.

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todreaminblue

yes .....and it hurt because even though you know they aren't right for you and have been mean or toxic to you...you dont want to hurt them...some toxic people have come from toxic environments themselves....which has added to their toxicity and normally they will end with someone softer who take their toxicity and forgives them ......often...till they cant forgive anymore...because it is poisoning them.....then there's this rare breed who in spite of knowing exactly how toxic a person is keeps forgiving.....hoping...praying that person will change with the nurture care and acceptance they are given

 

 

so they are commonly known as carers......i am a carer...and so are you....and sometimes self care is where we lack..its not wrong to walk away when you start to feel poisoned...better yet before you get poisoned.....or you can see if you build up a natural god given immunity.....which i have i guess...because i can keep forgiving.....BUT...i dont go out with them .....or continue dating them...or being with them.....i may be there for them when they are down on their luck and allow them to sleep on my couch.....do not stay with someone because you have a sympathetic heart,,,,.still be kind...but be firm........deb

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Did you ever break up with a toxic person and still feel hurt?

 

 

Why is that? If you know the person will never change and they constantly hurt your feelings, why is it still hard to break up with them?

 

 

It is not because I don't want to be alone. I admit, I sort of enjoy that. I enjoy the peace and quiet and no conflict.

 

 

Please be gentle. I cannot be the only person that feels this way.

 

I can relate. I felt this way after I broke up with my last bf.

It hurt/sucked big time.

My theory is that you are grieving "what could have been" rather than what really was. You're grieving the death of your dream.

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Broke up with a toxic person after 4yrs so yes it hurts a lot. It's natural because you two have been together for some time and a bond has developed. Also sometimes you get used to how the other person is treating you. Undeniably you love him and it's natural and coping won't come easy. Enjoy your peace and keep yourself busy with a lot of things, soon you'll be happy you made the decision.

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