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Having a hard time keeping NC


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 26th January 2018, 11:57 PM   #1
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Having a hard time keeping NC

First real weekend of complete NC. I want to keep to it, but im at a bar with friends drinking and talking about her. Getting a lot of mixed reactions from others. I just want to text her but I know it's a bad idea.
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Old 27th January 2018, 12:03 AM   #2
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stay strong!! NO CONTACT is the only way to freedom
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Old 27th January 2018, 10:55 AM   #3
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If you want the old relationship you need to stay NC and wait for her to figure it out(if you wanna wait before you move on). You reaching out will just make you look needy and she wonít respect you as much. Look at al these stories on here...people donít want what they can have, they want what they canít have.

You stay NC and hope she realizes youíre a good guy and she doesnít wanna lose that.

Breaking NC will lead you into more arguments or even worse, a friend zone, down the road. Stay NC, when she figures out her **** she will reach out.

If she doesnít...you gotta accept it. Thatís the hardest part because you will still believe in love you received from her in the first 5 months. If she doesnít reach out it means her priorities are elsewhere right now and yours need to be also. What future brings you will know.

Good luck,
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Old 27th January 2018, 10:56 AM   #4
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No drunk texting. That is just pathetic & you will regret it when sober. Give the phone to your BFF.

How are things in the light of day?
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Old 27th January 2018, 4:42 PM   #5
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Well I didn't text her. It's Saturday, the day we normally spent together all the time. I miss her terribly. She was a semi LDR, we lives 60 miles apart, so we would take turns doing the back and forth and sometimes meet in the middle for a date during the week.

I keep going over our last fight then our last talk just a week ago. She was still wearing my necklace and told me my pictures were still on her desk. We hugged and she did tell me she always wanted and wants more time with me but just can't give me what she feels I deserve. She also reminded me that I was amazing to her and we had great times but she just can't do the effort anymore.

I feel I need to move on. From what she told me of past relationships she has no problem never looking back. I'm just stuck right now. I feel we were great then out of no where she drops me like that. Part of me feels it's her loss because I was very good to her, then another part of me wants to continue being good to her.
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Old 27th January 2018, 4:58 PM   #6
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Hang tough. Experiment with building yourself a new Saturday tradition.
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Old 28th January 2018, 5:51 AM   #7
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Once you see how empowering and fruitful NC is, you'll just want more of it. I'm like on 2 months of NC and I've improved much in many aspects. Stay strong.

If you want to convince that little noise in your head that says "I miss her! I need her! I want her" etcetera, just tell it NC might improve your relationship with her and move on. Don't hold on to that kind of hope though.
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Old 28th January 2018, 5:30 PM   #8
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The problem however is that I do kind of have that hope in the back of my mind. Part of me wants to give her space and hope she misses me and reaches out. Another part of me wants to give her time and to reach out to her. But another part of me wants to just move on. As I said before in this thread, I'm just stuck.
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Old 28th January 2018, 6:36 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by holms View Post
The problem however is that I do kind of have that hope in the back of my mind. Part of me wants to give her space and hope she misses me and reaches out. Another part of me wants to give her time and to reach out to her. But another part of me wants to just move on. As I said before in this thread, I'm just stuck.
It's tough when it ends under circumstances out of our control. I lost my second ex to LDR as well. She had to leave for med school and both the distance and the full committment required for her studies ended it for us. She just didn't have the time or energy to deal with a relationship..it really broke me.

As the months pass by, assuming you don't end up hearing from her again, it may get extremely difficult for you because of the silence on her end. It will take time to work through it all. Grieving will be slow, hope won't easily go and you will feel stuck. It will be a year minimum to feel over it. Minimum. Be patient with yourself. Let yourself feel all the emotions you are are feeling but don't let it cripple you. Continue to live your life and take it one day at at at time. 1 hour by 1 hour if needed. Nobody knows what the future will bring. She may or may not contact you again and because of that uncertainty, I would say the best move is to assume you never will. Proceed forward based on that assumption, as best as you can.

Goodluck OP
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Last edited by Beachead; 28th January 2018 at 6:39 PM..
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Old 1st February 2018, 1:29 AM   #10
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Well, I did it. Broke NC through texts. I seen her online and text her and she acted as if nothing was wrong but did agree to call me tomorrow. I feel I need to just tell her in my own words to go, live her life, be merry and what not. She's not going to change and will be giving up what she even said was a good man. Once I am through tomorrow I'll start over.

Do I want the good times with her back, sure I do but I can't force her or those good times. Do I miss her laugh, her eyes, smell, and that angel face. Yes I do, but again, I can't force her to stay with me.

I just feel I need to say my peace. Most of the stuff I was afraid to say before in fear that it would scare her off. But I need to say it, and this is more for my benefit than hers at this point. I won't be getting mean and emotional though, just need to speak what I never did.

I will leave the ball in her court. If sometime down the line she misses me I'll take it but she is stubborn as hell. If tomorrow is the last I ever hear from her then so be it. I'm still going to Vegas like we planned. I'm still keeping my plans for this weekend. I'm still saving for that future we once planned on. I will be fine eventually.
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Old 1st February 2018, 6:59 PM   #11
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So, the talk went as I expected. I said what I needed, she responded. She did say she isn't doing well with this either and thinks of me all the time. But she still sees nothing good to come from us at this point. We both agreed that we would go about our lives and leave the door open..... maybe. As I said, do I mess her? Yes, a lot. And apparently she misses me as well, just not as much as I miss her.

So, starting NC again from today. At least its the 1st so I can keep track easier, lol.... one positive way to look at it.
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Old 12th February 2018, 8:21 PM   #12
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Well, now SHE was the one to break NC and called me after work today. Things seem to be coming together for her now. She starts her new job in 2 weeks after spending next week in FL with her parents. She is looking for new places and even told me she wants me to come down sometime, but it still seemed like a "Friend" thing. I told her about the changes going on in my place and she offered help, even if its just to chat.

Then out of no where she brings up the Vegas trip we were supposed to take in April. Said we could still go. I told her calmly but bluntly that I do not want to go with her to Vegas just to "Hang out" and she agreed that it would be weird, then said "Well, we'll see".

It's like she is leaving bread crumbs to a cracked open door. The thing is, I do have a date this Friday. No I didn't tell her that. I didn't tell her about the 3 dates I went on last week either. This woman is still always on my mind but I have begun to mentally prepare myself for the ghosting. She has done it in the past. Do I want back what we had? Sure I do. Do I think we can get back what we had? I don't know. A lot of damage had been done. But I don't want to toss away something new that could work for something familiar that didn't work as it wasn't all me that did the damage.
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