Sad Birthday

[Kagome1982]

I know u all have been thru the same or something like this. I just didn't know how to handle this. Well me and my I guess ex now, meet cuz we were both going thru a break up. His worse then mine his was a 5 year relationship mine 7 months. Are old relationships were over in October-November we started talk as friends end of December. We were using each other as support and a shoulder to cry on. Sometime in Mid to end of January I deleveloped feelings for him. I didn't want to tell him of my feelings cuz I thought it was to soon.

 

Well not to long after getting feelings for him We were talking late one night on the phone. He asked me how do u feel about me. I told him I liked him. He then said tell me what u really think about me cuz I can tell u more then like me. I then told him I loved him. He said he couldn't say the same to me back just yet. But he did like me. Within a few days he started saying he loved me too. We then started are relationship.

 

The whole time we were together he was always confused and not sure what he wanted to do. He was always wanting to go back to the ex that cheated on him at least 3 times that he knew of then leaving him for the other guy. But then he would always come back to me. It got to were we hardly when a day without talking to each other. But After awhile it became very one sided. Me trying harder for him then him for me. Now that the relationship is over I realize and ppl tell me he used me. On Valentines Day He asked for an MP3 Player. Me being dumb and in love got it for him. I got him an Ipod Mini. And He got me a stuffed animal. (which was just about the only thing he got be besides cards and candy since we were dating)

 

One day he calls me on the phone crying. Saying how his ex (who his car was in the name of his ex) was threaten to take his car away unless he gives her the 300 for his Insurance. He said he didn't have it and wouldn't get it in time. I had just got my taxes back so I said I would send it to him. And I did. After he got the money he paid the car thing and a day or 2 after he went to the store and got a 400 dollar bike. I was mad about it. But he said he charged it so what can I say.

 

I even paided for his dogs food for a month and let his borrow money I'll never see again. Plus gifts that I wanted him to have but was never given anything. For my birthday all I asked for was for a Cheap watch lol. He said he would get me more then that. I didn;t really care. What really hurt was what he did do for my birthday.

 

2 days before my birthday He said he would have to work the weekend. I knew id miss him but as long as I got a happy Birthday from him when it came I was ok. I then called him Saturday around 3pm. After not hearing from him all day. I talked to him for about 10 mins and he had to go back to work. He said Love u cuddlebear (his nick name for me) Talk to u later. Later Saturday night I called him. His phone was off. I went to bed after not hearing from him. I was worried but nothing I could do. (he was a long distance relationship by the way so just driving over was hard to do)

 

Sunday Morning I called and still the same his phone was off. And if it was on it would just ring and no answer. I was very Upset my Birthday was Monday. It is now Sunday and I haven't heard from him. Then Monday came along. Still his phone was off. Also texted him never a reply. His roommates were gone all weekend so wasn't able to talk to them Until they came home Monday night. As now its 11pm my birthday and still nothing from him. So I called his roommates. One of them answered.

 

The 1st thing I asked was he ok? They said yea why wouldn't he be ok. I then filled his roommate in on what was going on and how its my birthday and he hasn't called me. His roommate then lets me know when he got home from his trip there was a note from him saying he will be out late can they feed his dog. He was out late with someone I guess on my birthday. It hurt so bad. My birthday was June 13th. It is now June 17th and haven't heard from him since June 11th. I can't understand why be so cruel.

 

Why can't he be a man and tell me what's going on? Why avoid me? I think he's back with his ex. His ex hating me. prob told him he had to never talk to me again for her to give him a 4th chance. It just hurts for him to do this to me and not have the guts to do it like an adult. He's 28 years old but he dose this. What do u think I should do? What do u think is going through his head for him to do this?

 

Sorry so long. Just had alot to vent.

[suegail]

This is outrageous. Please tell me you are done with this guy. What do I think is 'going through his head?' Who cares? Does he care about what's going on in your head? I don't think so.

 

He'll be back. Why wouldn't he be back? He'll need cash. He'll get himself into another jam and he'll be sobbing on the phone to you again. Don't even consider it. You're dropping your bucket down a dry well. You can't buy this man's love. You can buy some time with him, but it's not worth it at any price. Please don't do this again....

[chaos70]

Holy crap.

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Second, this guy needs a "chaos powerbomb" through a flaming table.

Third, let this guy go...he is clearly an idiot.

[Kagome1982]

Thanks don't worry I wont give him anything else. I think that maybe why he left me cuz he saw he couldn't get anymore from me. Cuz right after I asked for the watch for my bday. He comes to me one day and says.

 

Baby if u ever wanna buy me any more gifts get me a personal trainer for 500. I got so mad at him and said its my bday not urs. And I asked for something cheap and u ask that from me. When u know I am trying to get an apartment. He said he was sorry and he wasn't thinking id get it for him. and so excuses about he was justing thinking out loud. grrrrrr

 

Oh well still haven't heard from him and prob never will.

[Kagome1982]

I found more info on the jerk. It seems He was seeing another girl for awhile while he was with me finding out if she was good for him. Keeping me on his back burner just in case it wasn't good. He was begging me not to move on saying he wasn't looking for a new girl just getting his head together.

 

He wanted me not to talk to other men and don't cheat on him so I didn't I never cheat. And the whole time he was lieing to me and doing it all to me. God I hate him.

[bewilderedandhurt]

this guy is horrible and an immature selfish user. i know i dated one just like him. he had no scruples when it came to me giving to him, even though i didn't have job and was on disability and he made good money. yet he always cried poverty and acted like he was broke. sure he was broke, he indulged himself in all kinds of toys. spent all his money on HIM every week. he was just a user. according to john gray..basically men like to give and please a woman and make her happy. (hes an author by the way and marriage counselor..wrote men are from mars women are from venus) and i have to tell you this is true..when it comes to the "good guys", who really care for you, they will give not take. and they wont let youre giving go too far, if you give to them. its appropriate giving not lopsided and makes you go for broke. and they dont deceive and get themselves set up with another woman while they are with you, then dump you and pretend they never had the "other woman". they dont forget your birthday and if they did they would make it up to you ten fold. i know people arent perfect..but some things are just basic. my ex was a horrible azz too, and yes i still care about him because i still thinkongood things. but honestly, i am beginning to believe my caring is more a BAD habit and i was damn near brainwashed into "thinking" he was a good guy. now i have to deprogram my brain and start thinking in a new way. i also liked the excitement of being with my ex, and i was very very vulnerable when i met him. so i am going through major withdrawals for missing that excitement and hope and i am suffering from post partum depression from how he shocked and upset my life and self esteem issues from being dumped. but i am still thinking of a way i can get closure and have some dignity left because i allowed him to strip me bare of dignity. the azzhole even had the nerve to contact me while he is engaged to someone. and this after he wrote me off and told me in an email this was his last contact to me and hinted not to contact him. so i didnt..and 2 months later he contacts me (probably had a lonely moment) his fiancée is not from our country and hes waiting for her to come in on a visa. and after i took my time 2 days, but ANswered his email, and still acknowledged him and was kind enough to say hi and respond to his lame question, hes back to taking his name off my buddy list again and moving on with her. he just probably reached otu one day and then said..hmmm back to my finace. maybe she took a trip and they stopped talking on the internet for the week. either way he USES me. the bottom line is..youre young. run. if hes this bad now DONT try to change him or wait around for him ..just run. and if he was some mysterious revelation and becomes a better man someday, then let him do so on his own. overall, guys really dont like us giving them everything. if you give love, emotional support, (and not like a mom) and respect without compromising you're own self respect, that's all they really need. but giving them all gifts and kissing their butts and always trying to please them, i found is BAD. REAL BAD! and never works!!! and low and behold they turn around and go with the woman who is everything you're not. usually a person who is not willing to take their crap and has an agenda of her own. i feel for you and i know you're angry and sure have a right to be. channel that anger and use it. use it as a staff to move away from him for good and to start giving more to yourself. i am no one to give advise as i still haven't told the idiot who hurt me , off. because i always worried ohhhhh what if he goes away for good . or what he he will come back someday...BAH. but i am getting sick and tired of holding on to this thin thread called false hope. because thats all it is..and he still an AZZ!

[Kagome1982]

Thanks I have been trying to move on. Went on my 1st date Monday night. Its hard tho. I'm not ready for a b/f as of yet. But want friends. Maybe one day I can get a new guy lol. My exs roommate told me. "If a guy asks u for money dumb them on the spot" They don't want me used again. And I was so thankful of there Kindness and letting me know what was going on.

 

And I understand what u mean. I'm still in shock he did what he did. He used to tell me if we break up and move on we'd be best friends. LMAO. Well best friends don't avoid u. Its been almost 2 weeks and still haven't heard a word from him. Still the last thing he said to me was love u talk to u soon cuddlebear. grrrrr its not right.

 

But I hope u can move on as well. I learned that if u let a man use u more likely they will. So I just have to never let it happen again. We can't let are exs win. I'm sure they like to see us miserable but I won't let them see it.

[sanne]

Hey listen very carefully to what I am saying. YOU DESERVE BETTER. What a low-life, piece of crap, scumbag. He's the type of guy that all good men would never ever want to be. How pathetic is it to live off your gf's money, he must have no shame whatsoever at all. Let me tell you, he ain't worth it.

 

The brightside about all of this. You are free, and you will meet someone who really deserves a sweet and caring person like yourself. I know it's hard to move on, but realize that this person is just not going to ever be good for you. I hope you can make the right decisions from here on out, please if he ever comes back think with your head and think logically.

[zack121]

happy belated BDay!

 

I agree sounds like a real user. becuase I'm in a mood today, I'd be asking for the IPOD back, plus cash, I'd say definatley get whats yours back. without question!

 

I'd also confront him (after u get your stuff back) and let him know he's a jerk then becuase you sound young find a new guy that is not like him (ex), make sure you start off even with them, and make sure they give you what you give them (emotionally etc).

 

Sorry to hear your story