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Bye Mr. Nowhere


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 13th January 2018, 11:17 PM   #1
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Bye Mr. Nowhere

Mr. Nowhere was my dream of life partner, he was caring, charming, flirty with me only, respectful... Until, Mr. Nowhere became a chase to me, he was constantly away in weekends, never planed things for us, was never easy with the plans I made, never let me know when he will leave and come back from business trip, if he came back one day earlier... I felt I was out of his life, I tried to keep myself close to him, but if you had similar experience, you know the sadness and loneliness.

Throughout my relationship with Mr. Nowhere, I was struggling with my career crisis and upcoming changes to my life. I thought he would understand the stress I was dealing with, since he didn't just end the dating me. But I overestimated, he couldn't understand me, and most of the time, he probably didn't even remember I was going through those stress and pain.

Fast forward, he became very picky on me, I felt I would never be good enough for him, because career wise I was not as successful as his girl friends, appearance side I was not as attractive as his female coworker esp. I would never dress those sexy short skirt, I am very low key and low profile person but he actually was very interested in fancy parties which he never brought me in.

Yes, he didn't treat me well. But leaving him is still painful, because I live on the past dead memories when I started to date Mr. Nowhere, also I had extensive dream about my future live together with him, which now all became impossible. As typical dumper's remorse, I feel I killed the dream I dreamed, I left the ship which I hope I can share with him ( as ppl have pointed out, he left the ship way before I did), I screwed up the chance this relationship may be rescued.

I have been thinking why I couldn't let go. Today, I finally realize, in addition to my memories of the early dating, I still want to know why it didn't work out, to be more specific, why Mr. Nowhere didn't want to work things out with me. Return to my second paragraph, he never understood my pain or actually tried to understand me and care about my feelings, so he ignored all the conflicts and didn't care if the relationship was going well or going nowhere. But I cared, I invested a lot of thinking about him, about us, so at the end, I became very frustrated my effort returned nothing but disappointments, frustration and rejection.

Every time I start to miss him again (it happens countless time everyday), I feel ashamed. I know I am very likely depressed at this moment, I know I still miss him -- knowing he wouldn't miss me or even care about me at all. I actually tried to get him back, but keep in mind he never wanted to make the relationship work in the first round, so he wouldn't give second chance -- all make sense.
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:23 PM   #2
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Mr. Nowhere was my dream of life partner, he was caring, charming, flirty with me only, respectful... Until, Mr. Nowhere became a chase to me, he was constantly away in weekends, never planed things for us, was never easy with the plans I made, never let me know when he will leave and come back from business trip, if he came back one day earlier... I felt I was out of his life, I tried to keep myself close to him, but if you had similar experience, you know the sadness and loneliness.

Throughout my relationship with Mr. Nowhere, I was struggling with my career crisis and upcoming changes to my life. I thought he would understand the stress I was dealing with, since he didn't just end the dating me. But I overestimated, he couldn't understand me, and most of the time, he probably didn't even remember I was going through those stress and pain.

Fast forward, he became very picky on me, I felt I would never be good enough for him, because career wise I was not as successful as his girl friends, appearance side I was not as attractive as his female coworker esp. I would never dress those sexy short skirt, I am very low key and low profile person but he actually was very interested in fancy parties which he never brought me in.

Yes, he didn't treat me well. But leaving him is still painful, because I live on the past dead memories when I started to date Mr. Nowhere, also I had extensive dream about my future live together with him, which now all became impossible. As typical dumper's remorse, I feel I killed the dream I dreamed, I left the ship which I hope I can share with him ( as ppl have pointed out, he left the ship way before I did), I screwed up the chance this relationship may be rescued.

I have been thinking why I couldn't let go. Today, I finally realize, in addition to my memories of the early dating, I still want to know why it didn't work out, to be more specific, why Mr. Nowhere didn't want to work things out with me. Return to my second paragraph, he never understood my pain or actually tried to understand me and care about my feelings, so he ignored all the conflicts and didn't care if the relationship was going well or going nowhere. But I cared, I invested a lot of thinking about him, about us, so at the end, I became very frustrated my effort returned nothing but disappointments, frustration and rejection.

Every time I start to miss him again (it happens countless time everyday), I feel ashamed. I know I am very likely depressed at this moment, I know I still miss him -- knowing he wouldn't miss me or even care about me at all. I actually tried to get him back, but keep in mind he never wanted to make the relationship work in the first round, so he wouldn't give second chance -- all make sense.
Welcome to LS and I am sorry for your pain. I want to commend you for posting and sharing your story. There are a lot of people reading and we can learn from each others posts. If you ask me, this relationship never stood a chance.

As much as you felt what you felt towards him, he made you feel bad about yourself. As hard as it is, and it's hard, you need to take this time and get strong on your own. Think of it as a blessing. What I learned most about LS so far, is that we all have oneitis over different men. Your man doesn't mean anything to me and mine not to you so we can all get over these guys, in time, and move on.
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:32 PM   #3
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Welcome to LS and I am sorry for your pain. I want to commend you for posting and sharing your story. There are a lot of people reading and we can learn from each others posts. If you ask me, this relationship never stood a chance.

As much as you felt what you felt towards him, he made you feel bad about yourself. As hard as it is, and it's hard, you need to take this time and get strong on your own. Think of it as a blessing. What I learned most about LS so far, is that we all have oneitis over different men. Your man doesn't mean anything to me and mine not to you so we can all get over these guys, in time, and move on.
Thank you! I agree, this one never had a chance. I was nervous in the last few months when I hung out with him, I was uncomfortable around him.

After I broke up, I felt some strength growing inside me. I hope I can think less of the past, and not look back. I need a new life.
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:34 PM   #4
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Thank you! I agree, this one never had a chance. I was nervous in the last few months when I hung out with him, I was uncomfortable around him.

After I broke up, I felt some strength growing inside me. I hope I can think less of the past, and not look back. I need a new life.
Has he contacted you in ANY way? If not, it will be easy
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:39 PM   #5
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Has he contacted you in ANY way? If not, it will be easy
Nope! He must have been waiting for me to leave. So I was a fool to regret and want to work things out, he was cold and eventually shut down on me.

So, yeah, it should be easy to move on, I just need to think straight and look forward to what ever in the future.
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:43 PM   #6
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Has he contacted you in ANY way? If not, it will be easy
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Nope! He must have been waiting for me to leave. So I was a fool to regret and want to work things out, he was cold and eventually shut down on me.

So, yeah, it should be easy to move on, I just need to think straight and look forward to what ever in the future.
No. You make the future. You make a plan in life and chip away at it. You set goals and take small steps towards them. You make the choices and decisions for yourself. You screw nowhere and try to post as much as you can. I'll be looking for your posts to see how you are doing. I hope you post a lot
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Old 14th January 2018, 12:35 PM   #7
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No Contact (NC). Guide for the long walk. Consolidated discussion.

This thread from a decade ago, is very wise, I will read it over and over again.

" those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plagued by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off)."

I can't believe I am still pissed off that I wasn't special to him, not at all. Feel like sh*t.

I trusted him so much, I was very vulnerable but he let me down.
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Old 14th January 2018, 1:10 PM   #8
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No Contact (NC). Guide for the long walk. Consolidated discussion.

This thread from a decade ago, is very wise, I will read it over and over again.

" those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plagued by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off)."

I can't believe I am still pissed off that I wasn't special to him, not at all. Feel like sh*t.

I trusted him so much, I was very vulnerable but he let me down.
How was your relationship? Where did you meet, how long did it last etc, and how long have you been a part?
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Old 16th January 2018, 1:28 PM   #9
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How was your relationship? Where did you meet, how long did it last etc, and how long have you been a part?
We were together for almost a year, and it has been 4 months since BU.

I mean, I know there is no chance to get back together, but I keep thinking about him, I feel lonely and just miss him. It is relatively short relationship, and I know he is not perfect, but I still love him. I literally dream about meeting him again, everyday. Last year this time, it was the best time for us, It's so freaking sad. Wherever I go, I keep looking around and hope he could show up somewhere.

Like I posted earlier, I really want to just cut it off and let go, that's the right thing to do, but instead, my heart gets stuck. I know all the risks , such as he will treat me even worse, or he has new girl, he may keep my just as a fling. But I don't know how to give up the idea of having him again.

The reason I haven't contacted him again for over a month is, I know he doesn't want me back. So I try to do the right thing, by not contacting him.
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Old 16th January 2018, 1:32 PM   #10
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We were together for almost a year, and it has been 4 months since BU.

I mean, I know there is no chance to get back together, but I keep thinking about him, I feel lonely and just miss him. It is relatively short relationship, and I know he is not perfect, but I still love him. I literally dream about meeting him again, everyday. Last year this time, it was the best time for us, It's so freaking sad. Wherever I go, I keep looking around and hope he could show up somewhere.

Like I posted earlier, I really want to just cut it off and let go, that's the right thing to do, but instead, my heart gets stuck. I know all the risks , such as he will treat me even worse, or he has new girl, he may keep my just as a fling. But I don't know how to give up the idea of having him again.

The reason I haven't contacted him again for over a month is, I know he doesn't want me back. So I try to do the right thing, by not contacting him.
Well at least your on here being honest. That's all you can do really. I don't want this guy I speak of back but I am not mentally capable to move past everything that has transpired without a psycoligist. I am redoing my house and cleaning every corner so it's spottless, then I'm going to buy my son a new rug to match his bed.

I am going to the gym and tanning. I don't know what to tell you.
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Old 16th January 2018, 1:45 PM   #11
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This is my first serious relationship (I'm not young, but I don't usually find interesting guys to be close to), and I really want it to work, because he is really the kind of person I want to marry to. He has gfs before, I don't know how serious they were, but he was very serious with me, so I thought he would put effort to our relationship and know how to protect a relationship. He did some of them, but not all the time. I have a lot of regrets, such as I didn't call him out when he made me feel bad, and I thought he would be experienced in dating since he had gfs, but it turned out to be he wasn't experienced either -- so I blame myself for not being patient.

I know I am making excuses for his behavior.
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Old 16th January 2018, 2:07 PM   #12
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This is my first serious relationship (I'm not young, but I don't usually find interesting guys to be close to), and I really want it to work, because he is really the kind of person I want to marry to. He has gfs before, I don't know how serious they were, but he was very serious with me, so I thought he would put effort to our relationship and know how to protect a relationship. He did some of them, but not all the time. I have a lot of regrets, such as I didn't call him out when he made me feel bad, and I thought he would be experienced in dating since he had gfs, but it turned out to be he wasn't experienced either -- so I blame myself for not being patient.

I know I am making excuses for his behavior.
Well at least he's leaving you alone so you can move on. He doesn't sound too interesting to me. Besides, if I learned anything, is that life is more fulfilling on your own. Relationships are headaches
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Old 16th January 2018, 2:17 PM   #13
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Well at least he's leaving you alone so you can move on. He doesn't sound too interesting to me. Besides, if I learned anything, is that life is more fulfilling on your own. Relationships are headaches
For very long time, I think relationship is just too complicated and creates a lot of stress and sadness, so I try to stay away from it....

He leaving me alone, yes, that's the irony part. My friends are telling me, he was waiting for me to leave. That's why not matter what I said after BU, he won't meet me again and he won't contact me at all. I am such a fool, and I just don't know why I couldn't give up.
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Old 16th January 2018, 2:30 PM   #14
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For very long time, I think relationship is just too complicated and creates a lot of stress and sadness, so I try to stay away from it....

He leaving me alone, yes, that's the irony part. My friends are telling me, he was waiting for me to leave. That's why not matter what I said after BU, he won't meet me again and he won't contact me at all. I am such a fool, and I just don't know why I couldn't give up.
Does anyone else want to comment and help this poor women?

What he and your friends did to you and said was cruel,
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Old 16th January 2018, 3:11 PM   #15
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Does anyone else want to comment and help this poor women?

What he and your friends did to you and said was cruel,
My case is too boring and straight forward. Maybe I should see therapist.
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