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She's moving back home in 2 weeks


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 27th December 2017, 3:23 PM   #1
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She's moving back home in 2 weeks

I met a girl at work in October. I was too afraid to ask her out until this past month. We've hung out since then and she admitted how badly she wished i asked her sooner, and told her mom she didn't want to move back home across the country (traveling nurse). We have had a few amazing nights of watching shows, sober or drinking, cuddling, kissing etc, admitting feelings (even admitting it feels like love but we don't know why).

I let it slip that i had opiate issues a few years ago and thats what went wrong with my last ex. She has been more distant lately and i haven't hung out with her in a week or so, barely texting now. She leaves in less than 2 weeks and i feel like i ****ed everything up again.

Can't even stomach the thought of going in to work when she's gone, and i've barely been able to eat or sleep. I don't think ill be able to stay here after she is gone. The feeling of having scared her away is almost tangible, i can sense it. I thought i could be open. I've only spent 5 nights or so with her but having liked her and known she liked me for months feels like a dagger through the chest.

3 of my friends have relapsed lately. Winter is always so hard and this one feels like it'll be the worst. Hard to breathe, feels like im constantly on the come up of a panic attack but i can't take anything because of substance issues. I've been drinking a lot as well, its the only time i feel ok, when im numb. Im 24 and i feel like living to 30 is going to be impossible.

We saw a movie together 2 weeks ago and when i hugged her as i left i can't get that picture of her looking at me in eyes like she loved me out of mind, and its haunting me.

I've been off opiates for almost 3 years but everytime something goes wrong i feel like im withdrawling again, suffocating on all my issues, freezing cold, nauseous.
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Old 27th December 2017, 4:23 PM   #2
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You made a connection with someone but that is not going to last because the timing was wrong. She's moving.

This isn't a reason to go back to using. If you feel weak, go to a meeting.

Think of the old saying It's better to have loved & lost, then never to have loved at all. Use it to remind yourself that you have the ability to form a good relationship. Be positive that you will find another one once she moves back.
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Old 27th December 2017, 6:39 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by throwaway2k17 View Post
I met a girl at work in October. I was too afraid to ask her out until this past month. We've hung out since then and she admitted how badly she wished i asked her sooner, and told her mom she didn't want to move back home across the country (traveling nurse). We have had a few amazing nights of watching shows, sober or drinking, cuddling, kissing etc, admitting feelings (even admitting it feels like love but we don't know why).

I let it slip that i had opiate issues a few years ago and thats what went wrong with my last ex. She has been more distant lately and i haven't hung out with her in a week or so, barely texting now. She leaves in less than 2 weeks and i feel like i ****ed everything up again.

Can't even stomach the thought of going in to work when she's gone, and i've barely been able to eat or sleep. I don't think ill be able to stay here after she is gone. The feeling of having scared her away is almost tangible, i can sense it. I thought i could be open. I've only spent 5 nights or so with her but having liked her and known she liked me for months feels like a dagger through the chest.

3 of my friends have relapsed lately. Winter is always so hard and this one feels like it'll be the worst. Hard to breathe, feels like im constantly on the come up of a panic attack but i can't take anything because of substance issues. I've been drinking a lot as well, its the only time i feel ok, when im numb. Im 24 and i feel like living to 30 is going to be impossible.

We saw a movie together 2 weeks ago and when i hugged her as i left i can't get that picture of her looking at me in eyes like she loved me out of mind, and its haunting me.

I've been off opiates for almost 3 years but everytime something goes wrong i feel like im withdrawling again, suffocating on all my issues, freezing cold, nauseous.
OP, LDR will be difficult and unlikely to succeed in your case. If you had met her while she was living across the country and she had concrete plans to move back home in the near future, that's different because the situation would only get better for you two. But in your case, she is moving away. This means, she is going to go through a lot of changes within the year. Living situation. Career prospects. Making new friends. Meeting new guys. A whole new world will open up to her. As this happens, you will find she will have less and less time for you. If you try to hold onto her, it'll drive her away.

I tried to have a long distance relationship with an ex of mine 3 years back it was stressful for both of us. She was too busy studying medicine. When she had time, she understandably didn't want to be stuck in her room talking to her bf on skype when she was on a beautiful island with a group of fun people. She needed space and I was too attached to give it to her. She made mistakes but I also immaturely tried to force a relationship she no longer wanted and it drove her away and turned her off. Had I been mature enough to let her go, we probably would have still kept in touch. But at the time, it was overwhelmingly painful. I watched her slip away over the course of 3 months. It really ripped me apart. Was not worth it.

My advice to you is to bow out of this right now before you get even more attached and don't pursue. The most important thing right now is to maintain a strong mentality and well-being. Remain respectful, wish her well and show her you can handle her leaving maturely. She will remember this gesture, believe me. And after she leaves, do what you need to do to get through the heartache and heal yourself. Do not hold onto her. Keep distance and reply ONLY if she reaches out but don't reach out yourself. It ended the day she left but it ended as good as any ending could have been. That's the best outcome out of this situation. Continuing to keep in touch via texts and social media will water down and take away from that ending so don't. We don't know what the future will hold which is why you want to end it on a good, positive strong note. This way, you will make it more likely she will contact you should she ever come back for a visit or for good (Provided she is not in a relationship by then).

Goodluck

Last edited by Beachead; 27th December 2017 at 6:51 PM..
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Old 27th December 2017, 7:16 PM   #4
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OP, LDR will be difficult and unlikely to succeed in your case. If you had met her while she was living across the country and she had concrete plans to move back home in the near future, that's different because the situation would only get better for you two. But in your case, she is moving away. This means, she is going to go through a lot of changes within the year. Living situation. Career prospects. Making new friends. Meeting new guys. A whole new world will open up to her. As this happens, you will find she will have less and less time for you. If you try to hold onto her, it'll drive her away.

I tried to have a long distance relationship with an ex of mine 3 years back it was stressful for both of us. She was too busy studying medicine. When she had time, she understandably didn't want to be stuck in her room talking to her bf on skype when she was on a beautiful island with a group of fun people. She needed space and I was too attached to give it to her. She made mistakes but I also immaturely tried to force a relationship she no longer wanted and it drove her away and turned her off. Had I been mature enough to let her go, we probably would have still kept in touch. But at the time, it was overwhelmingly painful. I watched her slip away over the course of 3 months. It really ripped me apart. Was not worth it.

My advice to you is to bow out of this right now before you get even more attached and don't pursue. The most important thing right now is to maintain a strong mentality and well-being. Remain respectful, wish her well and show her you can handle her leaving maturely. She will remember this gesture, believe me. And after she leaves, do what you need to do to get through the heartache and heal yourself. Do not hold onto her. Keep distance and reply ONLY if she reaches out but don't reach out yourself. It ended the day she left but it ended as good as any ending could have been. That's the best outcome out of this situation. Continuing to keep in touch via texts and social media will water down and take away from that ending so don't. We don't know what the future will hold which is why you want to end it on a good, positive strong note. This way, you will make it more likely she will contact you should she ever come back for a visit or for good (Provided she is not in a relationship by then).

Goodluck
Awesome response, yeah i refuse to blow her phone up or whatever when she goes home. If she wants to remain friends, thats awesome, if not ill get through it in a month or two. I appreciate the advice, it definitely makes 100% sense to me. The more needy i am when she leaves, like if i were to text her "i miss you" randomly throughout the day, that would be a turn off. I know that being mature and composed about it will help more in the long run.

That said, she wants to go out this weekend, and possibly hangout during her final week. Do i begin detaching now or ride out the final week and hook up if she wants to?
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Old 27th December 2017, 7:27 PM   #5
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Awesome response, yeah i refuse to blow her phone up or whatever when she goes home. If she wants to remain friends, thats awesome, if not ill get through it in a month or two. I appreciate the advice, it definitely makes 100% sense to me. The more needy i am when she leaves, like if i were to text her "i miss you" randomly throughout the day, that would be a turn off. I know that being mature and composed about it will help more in the long run.

That said, she wants to go out this weekend, and possibly hangout during her final week. Do i begin detaching now or ride out the final week and hook up if she wants to?
Definitely hang out with her. But donít gush your feelings all over her.

Give her something to remember (a great time followed by great sex).

You donít know what can happen and may not be aware what a woman in love will do. They will move, change religions, knock over a liquor store lol, etc.

Just be cool and try not to get further attached yourself.
Isten to beachhead and go out like a champ if you want any chance of this working in the future.
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Old 27th December 2017, 8:03 PM   #6
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Definitely hang out with her. But donít gush your feelings all over her.

Give her something to remember (a great time followed by great sex).

You donít know what can happen and may not be aware what a woman in love will do. They will move, change religions, knock over a liquor store lol, etc.

Just be cool and try not to get further attached yourself.
Isten to beachhead and go out like a champ if you want any chance of this working in the future.
Yeah, appreciate the advice. I will see what happens. I definitely won't be all emotional if we chill. Even though im definitely suffering on the inside

She has also slowly become more detached in the last 2 weeks. Women process things so much faster so she's got a 2 week head start on me in the detachment process.
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Old 27th December 2017, 8:49 PM   #7
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Yeah, appreciate the advice. I will see what happens. I definitely won't be all emotional if we chill. Even though im definitely suffering on the inside

She has also slowly become more detached in the last 2 weeks. Women process things so much faster so she's got a 2 week head start on me in the detachment process.
It's good you get that. Yes, hang out with her as she pleases. If she wants to meet up and can meet up, cool. If not, that's also cool. Have fun, crack jokes, show her a good time. Don't be over the top. Just be you because that's who she fell for. The only thing I want to stress is, just don't get emotional or gushy as much as you want to. All your energy should go into being calm, cool and collected. It'll only be for a short while and it will make all the difference. After she leaves, you can let loose and let the pain in and deal accordingly.

I know this is hard for you OP. But if this is your last moments together, you will thank yourself for ending it on a high than a regretful low in the time that follows.

Goodluck my friend.

Last edited by Beachead; 27th December 2017 at 8:55 PM..
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Old 27th December 2017, 9:42 PM   #8
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It's good you get that. Yes, hang out with her as she pleases. If she wants to meet up and can meet up, cool. If not, that's also cool. Have fun, crack jokes, show her a good time. Don't be over the top. Just be you because that's who she fell for. The only thing I want to stress is, just don't get emotional or gushy as much as you want to. All your energy should go into being calm, cool and collected. It'll only be for a short while and it will make all the difference. After she leaves, you can let loose and let the pain in and deal accordingly.

I know this is hard for you OP. But if this is your last moments together, you will thank yourself for ending it on a high than a regretful low in the time that follows.

Goodluck my friend.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, let alone twice. It's nice to know others actually care about strangers on the internet. I do my part on the reddit/depression threads but im new to here. This honestly feels like when you meet someone on vacation and you both fall in to eachother, and when you leave it hurts. But like, the two and a half month version of that. Can't explain why it hurts so bad when we've only spent a handful of nights together.

Feels almost equally as bad as when my ex and i of 3 years broke up to be honest.
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Old 27th December 2017, 11:21 PM   #9
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Thank you for taking the time to respond, let alone twice. It's nice to know others actually care about strangers on the internet. I do my part on the reddit/depression threads but im new to here. This honestly feels like when you meet someone on vacation and you both fall in to eachother, and when you leave it hurts. But like, the two and a half month version of that. Can't explain why it hurts so bad when we've only spent a handful of nights together.

Feels almost equally as bad as when my ex and i of 3 years broke up to be honest.
No worries man. It also helps me to help others. I too am grateful for finding people care. I have found LS to have a good community of people who will support and look out for your well being. It's my go to place of comfort.

I'd like to wager that its because your relationship of 3 years ran it's course and wore out it's welcome. This gave you the scope of experience necessary to help understand and make peace with why it ended.

Whereas in this, there is no scope. You two didn't even get the chance to discover your compatibility issues in a relationship. You remain perfect in eachother's eyes. It simply ended for reasons out of yours and her control and ended before it could begin. As a result, you're left with the curiosity of what could have been..left with the feeling of wanting more.

Last edited by Beachead; 27th December 2017 at 11:36 PM..
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Old 27th December 2017, 11:46 PM   #10
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No worries man. It also helps me to help others. I too am grateful for finding people care. I have found LS to have a good community of people who will support and look out for your well being. It's my go to place of comfort.

I'd like to wager that its because your relationship of 3 years ran it's course and wore out it's welcome. This gave you the scope of experience necessary to help understand and make peace with why it ended.

Whereas in this, there is no scope. You two didn't even get the chance to discover your compatibility issues in a relationship. You remain perfect in eachother's eyes. It simply ended for reasons out of yours and her control and ended before it could begin. As a result, you're left with the curiosity of what could have been..left with the feeling of wanting more.
Though that last paragraph was beautifully written, its like a dagger. Lol thank you for that though man, definitely gave me some great perspective. It's so true. One of the only things helping me through this is the belief that it could be just infatuation anyway and ill be fine soon. Who knows. Hopefully that curiosity doesn't haunt me.
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Old 28th December 2017, 1:02 AM   #11
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Though that last paragraph was beautifully written, its like a dagger. Lol thank you for that though man, definitely gave me some great perspective. It's so true. One of the only things helping me through this is the belief that it could be just infatuation anyway and ill be fine soon. Who knows. Hopefully that curiosity doesn't haunt me.
I know it hurts. But in this case, hoping will be dangerous for your well-being. It may also adversely affect things with her. We want to minimize the liklihood of that happening. We want it to end well and leave it be. So I would much rather give it to you straight.

It'll be rough for awhile but I believe you'll be okay with time. Make sure you put the work in to help you heal and be patient with yourself. That will be top priority once she leaves.

Since she's already associated with this particular routine in your life, it may be a good start to look elsewhere for a job to help change the scene. Also, try something you've always wanted to do in your life. Something deep down inside that you love. A new Instrument, Martial Arts/Sports for example. Basically restructure your routine into something completely foreign and brand new to help your mind disassociate her from your daily life. If things feel a little rough, you can always come on here and chat it out. Don't shy away from a Therapist/Life Coach/Relationship Coach either. They can seriously make a difference if you need it.

The idea is to restore your strength and return to your best-self. Should a day ever arrive where she comes back, you'll be completely ready for it. And if she doesn't, you'll be ready for someone new. Either way, you'll be covered.
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Old 28th December 2017, 3:26 PM   #12
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I know it hurts. But in this case, hoping will be dangerous for your well-being. It may also adversely affect things with her. We want to minimize the liklihood of that happening. We want it to end well and leave it be. So I would much rather give it to you straight.

It'll be rough for awhile but I believe you'll be okay with time. Make sure you put the work in to help you heal and be patient with yourself. That will be top priority once she leaves.

Since she's already associated with this particular routine in your life, it may be a good start to look elsewhere for a job to help change the scene. Also, try something you've always wanted to do in your life. Something deep down inside that you love. A new Instrument, Martial Arts/Sports for example. Basically restructure your routine into something completely foreign and brand new to help your mind disassociate her from your daily life. If things feel a little rough, you can always come on here and chat it out. Don't shy away from a Therapist/Life Coach/Relationship Coach either. They can seriously make a difference if you need it.

The idea is to restore your strength and return to your best-self. Should a day ever arrive where she comes back, you'll be completely ready for it. And if she doesn't, you'll be ready for someone new. Either way, you'll be covered.
Once again thank you very much, i really appreciate all the advice you have given in this thread. Im gonna look into some new hobbies, thats a great idea. Having to see her at work for the next week isn't helping but im gonna stop the false hope and just act like its done and she's a cool friend from here on out. Like you said, let it end on a good note, and just be a friend to her.

Of course after all the recent detachment over the last week and a half, she sends me a drunk text last night saying "hey i was gonna say something to you but i don't know if we are close enough for me to say." I said "Im all ears" and she said "nevermind i should probably go to bed." Lol like why must it drag out, either detach or don't. I think she sensed my slight withdrawal from responding to her texts in a timely manner for my own sanity, she probably sent that to see if she still has her "power" over me if that makes sense.

Last edited by throwaway2k17; 28th December 2017 at 3:27 PM.. Reason: Added last sentence.
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Old 28th December 2017, 4:13 PM   #13
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Don't take the bait

You'll get a lot of that in the coming weeks. Maybe even after she leaves. Women are far more emotional than we are so they'll often express how they feel when they really feel it. She does have feelings for you and her moving away is really increasing the potency of it..inflating it. But keep in mind it's an in the moment thing and those flighty emotions do change. Although I don't believe it's malicious, I do believe it can certainly hurt you, throw you off and make you do something dumb. She knows she's leaving. She's just not thinking clearly. So you have to make sure you do for the both of you. Keep the long-term picture in mind here and remain calm, cool and collected.

- Goodluck
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Old 28th December 2017, 8:07 PM   #14
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You'll get a lot of that in the coming weeks. Maybe even after she leaves. Women are far more emotional than we are so they'll often express how they feel when they really feel it. She does have feelings for you and her moving away is really increasing the potency of it..inflating it. But keep in mind it's an in the moment thing and those flighty emotions do change. Although I don't believe it's malicious, I do believe it can certainly hurt you, throw you off and make you do something dumb. She knows she's leaving. She's just not thinking clearly. So you have to make sure you do for the both of you. Keep the long-term picture in mind here and remain calm, cool and collected.

- Goodluck
Once again, can't thank you enough. I've left this tab up on my laptop and re-read your replies like 4 times today every time i get down. Feeling the tiniest bit more content when i do. Bless your soul.

Much love and best regards.
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Old 29th December 2017, 5:01 PM   #15
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Once again, can't thank you enough. I've left this tab up on my laptop and re-read your replies like 4 times today every time i get down. Feeling the tiniest bit more content when i do. Bless your soul.

Much love and best regards.
No worries my friend. I'm just sharing what I've learned from my own experiences. Lots of failure on my end. I'm glad that it does help someone else.

Stay strong
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