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Heartbrokenandhurt 24th December 2017 5:50 PM

Pain is overwhelming
 
I haven't moved on in a year, I feel closer to suicide all the time. I've had therapy but it doesn't help. The rejection I feel is just overwhelming.... I'm literally of so little value? I meant nothing atall? I don't have the energy to look for someone else, nor want to waste any time. If Suicide was easy, i'd of been gone months ago. :(

I can't see it get better. No man has ever loved me.

d0nnivain 24th December 2017 6:10 PM

Suicide is not easy. You will devastate your family & friends.

One man rejecting you is not the end of the world. There are millions of men in the world. The few who have not decided to live happily ever after with you are not the answer.

This time of year makes ever loneliness feel more pronounced. Do something to self soothe. 2018 is coming . . . a fresh start.

Heartbrokenandhurt 24th December 2017 6:32 PM

I only wanted that one person though. Why is it so much to ask for in life? :( It was recently my Birthday. I had nothing from him, no text, nothing. Yet the year before we spent it together...

I know it would upset a few people, a few. But i'm living in such despair everyday, a life I don't want, or expected for myself. I'm emotionally exhausted. The cycle of thoughts of the rejection keep on coming.

d0nnivain 24th December 2017 8:02 PM

EXs don't reach out on your birthday. They are out of your life.

Life is worth living. You will love again. You have to believe that.

Have you tried therapy? It will help you see a future, even though that seems impossible right now.

Heartbrokenandhurt 24th December 2017 8:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d0nnivain (Post 7493474)
EXs don't reach out on your birthday. They are out of your life.

Life is worth living. You will love again. You have to believe that.

Have you tried therapy? It will help you see a future, even though that seems impossible right now.

It tells me he doesn't care in the slightest... I've heard loads of people say how their dumper wished them Happy Birthday. I didn't even get a thought.

I'm 27 years old. My longest relationship is 6 months. Men don't seem to fall for me and break it off after an intial attraction (or is that even a lie to walk away so easily?)

I've thought about suicide, how, where, what I can use. But when I think about the actual doing of it... I worry about the pain i'll be in. How i'll panic theres no going back. Still I don't want to live like this. :mad:

d0nnivain 24th December 2017 8:19 PM

Therapy will help you not live like this. It will also help you figure out why you can't get a relationship past the 6 month mark.

I'm old enough to be your mom. I have never had an EX contact me on my birthday. Not once. That isn't the test of how they felt about you at the time they were in your life.

I don't know what your plans are for tonight but can I suggest your curl up with some hot cocoa or a glass of wine & watch It's a Wonderful Life? Then think about all the ways you make the world a better place.

BaileyB 24th December 2017 8:53 PM

Love yourself.

Don't rely on a man for validation, they will always come and go from your life.

If you rely on others for your own happiness, you will always be disappointed.

I hope 2018 is a year of self awareness and growth for you. Take care.

Beachead 24th December 2017 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heartbrokenandhurt (Post 7493408)
I haven't moved on in a year, I feel closer to suicide all the time. I've had therapy but it doesn't help. The rejection I feel is just overwhelming.... I'm literally of so little value? I meant nothing atall? I don't have the energy to look for someone else, nor want to waste any time. If Suicide was easy, i'd of been gone months ago. :(

I can't see it get better. No man has ever loved me.

OP,

I had 3 relationships. All ended. I fell in love with my 1st ex and she left. 5 years later met my 2nd ex, fell in love again and she left. 2 years later, I met my 3rd ex and she left me recently. The first 2 broke up with me and I was forced to end my most recent relationship because she still loved her ex. She immediately went back to him after that. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with each of these girls at the respective periods of time and I never saw myself getting through any of it. It was truly devastating.

What happened in your situation with this guy? Lay it on us.

Heartbrokenandhurt 25th December 2017 3:32 AM

If you go into my profile and to my first ever post, you'll see.

Came on strong, I fell for it, he got more and more distant until I asked what was going on and he ended it saying his feelings changed. :( 6 months of no contact, he gets back in touch... I believed he wanted to give the relationship another go. Turned out he was just 'seeing how I am and nothing more' so rejection number 2.

BaileyB 25th December 2017 10:40 AM

As the old saying goes, "when you get knocked down two times, the only thing that matters is that you get up three."

I'm sorry that you are hurting. Rejection from someone you love is devastating. But, you can not let it destroy your spirit. Relationships are only one aspect of your life - you have family, friends, work, things that bring you joy....

Don't let this man who doesn't care take your power by affecting your feelings about yourself and your life. If it is truly that overwhelming, you may be depressed and you should talk to your doctor and your counsellor.

Best wishes.

simpleNfit 25th December 2017 10:54 AM

OP,

You ARE depressed and your feelings to harm yourself demands immediate attention. Is there a hotline you can call? Family or friends to be with? Don't be alone. It is Christmas and the holidays are a doozy for many people. You are young and have much more to offer and experience! Don't waste that!

I recently had to end all contact with an ex that I loved greatly. I was the dumper and if I could turn back time, I would do things differently, but I cannot. I have NO CONTROL over what she thinks or does or the past, but I DO HAVE CONTROL over what and how I can love myself and make moves to help myself heal. YOU DO HAVE CONTROL....wield it and don't allow your sadness cloud the reality.... YOU DO MATTER. YOU WILL FIND LOVE AND HOPE AGAIN. YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF to feel these things otherwise it will not happen. Let go of the pain, guilt....

Heartbrokenandhurt 25th December 2017 11:49 AM

All my family are sat downstairs having Christmas Dinner. I am in bed with the curtains drawn. This is the worst christmas i've had, because of how unwanted he has made me feel.

I have seen doctors, i'm on anti depressants and have had therapy.

I feel he is the only one who can make it better, but hes making it clear with no contact he is long gone.

I haven't even opened a Christmas Present, i'm just not interested in interacting with anybody today, or hardly ever anymore.

I just keep thinking... I couldn't keep my boyfriend, I did nothing wrong except be me. He didn't even give us much chance. How can I have hope when I tried so hard, loved so much and it still wasn't enough? :(

simpleNfit 25th December 2017 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heartbrokenandhurt (Post 7493773)
All my family are sat downstairs having Christmas Dinner. I am in bed with the curtains drawn. This is the worst christmas i've had, because of how unwanted he has made me feel.

I have seen doctors, i'm on anti depressants and have had therapy.

I feel he is the only one who can make it better, but hes making it clear with no contact he is long gone.

I haven't even opened a Christmas Present, i'm just not interested in interacting with anybody today, or hardly ever anymore.

I just keep thinking... I couldn't keep my boyfriend, I did nothing wrong except be me. He didn't even give us much chance. How can I have hope when I tried so hard, loved so much and it still wasn't enough? :(

What you are feeling is pure and raw...it is not unusual, but don't fool yourself into thinking that HE is the only one who can make it better. The person with the most power in this situation is YOU.

Please try to go down and be with family. Please, it will help as long as you open yourself up to being anything other than bound by this sadness.

Heartbrokenandhurt 25th December 2017 12:25 PM

I've been down a few times but wasn't feeling it. I just don't wish to be here anymore. Who would of thought love would be so painful? Or the lack of... I just wish things would change. Or he would at least try to come back so I wouldn't believe i'm so disgusting. :(

simpleNfit 25th December 2017 1:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heartbrokenandhurt (Post 7493802)
I've been down a few times but wasn't feeling it. I just don't wish to be here anymore. Who would of thought love would be so painful? Or the lack of... I just wish things would change. Or he would at least try to come back so I wouldn't believe i'm so disgusting. :(

My ex also felt like you after I broke it off. She denied, refused the idea that I ever loved her. She is wrong, of course. I have to tell you that one of the biggest reasons why she struggled mightily and continues to do so is b/c she didn't believe in herself. She believed that she was not lovable, but she learned that that comes from within. It does. You are not disgusting. You should know that and you don't need to have this affirmed by someone else.

You cannot depend on others to make you feel any value for yourself. It doesn't work that way. YOU have control over YOU. YOU have to make the effort to see the obvious....you are beautiful and meaningful regardless of what ex says or does.


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