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Pain is overwhelming


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 25th December 2017, 1:40 PM   #16
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There is one person who can make this better: YOU. Not him.

At some point you have to put on your big girl panties & say F this. I'm better than this, better then him. Living well is your best revenge.

Get out of bed. Open the blinds. Spend time with your family. Remember the reason for the season. Fake it til you make it.

I know it's hard. I am guilty of wallowing & not moving when I am in the throws of my depression too but I know it feels better when you rejoin the living. Please try.
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Old 25th December 2017, 3:50 PM   #17
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My ex also felt like you after I broke it off. She denied, refused the idea that I ever loved her. She is wrong, of course. I have to tell you that one of the biggest reasons why she struggled mightily and continues to do so is b/c she didn't believe in herself. She believed that she was not lovable, but she learned that that comes from within. It does. You are not disgusting. You should know that and you don't need to have this affirmed by someone else.
Why did you break up with her? Did you not think she was loveable? What put you off?

Its scary how close i've felt sometimes. I'm not bothered about being admired particually by others, just him. He didn't even wish me a Happy Christmas and we last spoke a few months ago.

How can I believe i'm worth it when I feel nobody else agrees? Am I not lying to myself since I know the facts?
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:15 PM   #18
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Why did you break up with her? Did you not think she was loveable? What put you off?

Its scary how close i've felt sometimes. I'm not bothered about being admired particually by others, just him. He didn't even wish me a Happy Christmas and we last spoke a few months ago.

How can I believe i'm worth it when I feel nobody else agrees? Am I not lying to myself since I know the facts?
Long story short, she betrayed my trust at a time when no second chances were possible.I expended a great deal of energy, emotions for her and she did something that cast her as unsafe, disrespectful and irrational. I went in full escape mode and hurt her in the process. No, she was gorgeous is so many ways. But one fateful decision on her part destroyed my respect and faith in her. It’s not that she was not loveable, rather trustworthy was at the center.

You are giving way too much power to this guy. He has none. YOU need to focus on you. Please...
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:22 PM   #19
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A little different then cause my ex disgarded me because he 'lost feelings'. Yet he'd never told me he loved me in the first place. This is what upsets too, I can't take comfort knowing he cared because i'm not sure...

He does have power over me, has done since he broke up with me. Its hard to break. We've been NC to my say so for months. He has 'respected' that, but thats still so hurtful. He obviously doesn't care enough to agree to it.
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:25 PM   #20
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A little different then cause my ex disgarded me because he 'lost feelings'. Yet he'd never told me he loved me in the first place. This is what upsets too, I can't take comfort knowing he cared because i'm not sure...

He does have power over me, has done since he broke up with me. Its hard to break. We've been NC to my say so for months. He has 'respected' that, but thats still so hurtful. He obviously doesn't care enough to agree to it.
Haven't you ever lost romantic feelings for someone?
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:29 PM   #21
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Haven't you ever lost romantic feelings for someone?
Never. I can't imagine that ever happening for me. If I think they are amazing enough that I love them, then I never would change my mind.
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:37 PM   #22
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Never. I can't imagine that ever happening for me. If I think they are amazing enough that I love them, then I never would change my mind.
OK, well, it happens every day. It doesn't mean that he never cared for you or was lying the whole time, as much as you for some reason want to see things that way (and you're not the only one.....we hear this all the time). Is it easier to think someone is a lying jerk and were just stringing you along the whole time and you fell for it instead of believing their feelings for you changed? Maybe so because the second option feels like something is wrong with you, that you really are not good enough, and that they are the evil one. In reality, BOTH options would suck. Rejection hurts, but it is unfortunately part of life. VERY few people go through their entire lives untouched by rejection.
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:41 PM   #23
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I have been in therapy and as I looked back, I never stopped loving her. But it wasn’t enough. I had my own children to protect and I went into full defense mode. Could I have responded better? Hell yah! But that is the past. I can only do what I can in the here and now. Believe it or not, people break up even when they still ‘love’ the other person. It is not so simple.
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:48 PM   #24
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I have been in therapy and as I looked back, I never stopped loving her. But it wasn’t enough. I had my own children to protect and I went into full defense mode. Could I have responded better? Hell yah! But that is the past. I can only do what I can in the here and now. Believe it or not, people break up even when they still ‘love’ the other person. It is not so simple.
Right. It takes more than just thinking someone is a really great person to make a romantic relationship work. Not everyone is right for everyone else. This is why we date.....to figure that part out.

OP, your boyfriend decided he wasn't feeling that way toward you anymore. I just went and read your first post here, and it sounds like he kinda started behaving that way/throwing hints after just a couple of months, after you became boyfriend/girlfriend. Sounds like he might have been struggling with it because he does think highly of you and didn't want that "spark" to go away, but it did. It's sad for sure . But, someone else will feel that spark for you and it will stay.....you don't want to be with someone who doesn't hold that spark for you.

I think you're going to be more on your way to healing if you can just accept/believe that sometimes feelings DO change. It's not fun for your self esteem (we all know this ), but.....it's life .
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:49 PM   #25
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Yeah thanks for reminding me he decided i'm 'not good enough'.

Also, my ex was NOT in Love with me. I can honestly say that. He broke up with me because he 'lost feelings' = no love.
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:53 PM   #26
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I think you're going to be more on your way to healing if you can just accept/believe that sometimes feelings DO change. It's not fun for your self esteem (we all know this ), but.....it's life .
But thats why I am here and why i'm suicidal... I can't seem to accept it. I beat myself up everyday for not being enough. For not being able to keep my boyfriend. How much longer can I go on like this...
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Old 25th December 2017, 5:58 PM   #27
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But thats why I am here and why i'm suicidal... I can't seem to accept it. I beat myself up everyday for not being enough. For not being able to keep my boyfriend. How much longer can I go on like this...
I feel this way too. It's months and still... One moment to the next, pain. When will it let up?
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Old 25th December 2017, 6:11 PM   #28
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A year for myself and it feels like it happened yesterday... I re-read my first ever thread and noticed I said 'I'm not suicidal'. Wow, I have suffered such alot from then to be in the position i'm in now.
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Old 25th December 2017, 6:13 PM   #29
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A year for myself and it feels like it happened yesterday... I re-read my first ever thread and noticed I said 'I'm not suicidal'. Wow, I have suffered such alot from then to be in the position i'm in now.
How old are you and how many relationships have you had? How old is he?
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Old 25th December 2017, 6:18 PM   #30
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But thats why I am here and why i'm suicidal... I can't seem to accept it. I beat myself up everyday for not being enough. For not being able to keep my boyfriend. How much longer can I go on like this...
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I feel this way too. It's months and still... One moment to the next, pain. When will it let up?
How old are either of you?

You both have SO MUCH to give and someone out there is waiting for you to share the wonderful that is you. When someone rejects you, it is not always b/c of YOU. YOU did not decide to reject yourself, he did. Your existence is independent of your exes. You suffer b/c you place all the blame on yourself, but our exes are clearly a participant to the end. You both seem to isolate yourselves too much. DANGEROUS and unproductive. Do you want to begin healing? Let time do its job AND you refrain from idleness with breeds unwelcome thoughts and feelings. Seek help and continue talking about this as that is clearly helpful, if but for a moment. SEEK means to escaping this gloom that you are unnecessarily keeping over your heads.

If you want to feel better, take action to do so. These things do not resolve themselves if you resist or prevent yourself the opportunities to heal.
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