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How to cope with the thought of him dating someone new?

Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 24th December 2017, 9:33 AM   #1
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Unhappy How to cope with the thought of him dating someone new?

This is the hardest part for me. We have been together for a couple of months only, but now already 3 months passed and I still can't forget him.
I know that he started dating. (He believes that males shouldn't stay single for a long time)
And now I can't stop comparing myself to the new girl he is supposedly dating! And I don't even know if it is really her - I just noticed that he is liking every single picture of this new girl. He "likes" lots of girls on social networks, but this one - he likes every single picture of her. I know that sounds stupid but I can't help it!

I also can't stop checking their pages though I know how bad is it for my own healing.

She is not better than me, I know that I have lots of good qualities. But I started hating myself because of her! I look at my face in the mirror and hate it simply because it's not hers. My fantasy is my worst enemy.

I imagine how happy they are, that he loves her much more than me and does everything for her. He was always a bit cold and closed towards me (and said that it is because I was cold towards him too) - so now I imagine how warm he became towards her.

(it was always hard for me to show my feelings directly in the beginning of relationship and because of that my ex also said sometimes that I am acting like a male. That he doesn't believe that I have feelings - "because usually girls show them much more when they truly like a guy".
He said that we are same in this way, because he also doesn't show his feeling straight away. He even said to me once "I don't really enjoy dating people who are like me. Maybe I need an opposite, I need a woman who will "melt" me")

And the worst part of this all is that I feel that I am self-sabotaging myself, because I don't even have ANY real proof that she is his new gf! And still spending so much energy on her! But then I think "what if I am right and she is his new gf?"

I just know that he goes on dates and she is the girl he "likes" most on social media. That is my only clue. How pathetic, I know

But I can't stop at all! Decided to stay away from social networks now, hopefully it will help.

(And yes, I've tried to move on myself, tried to get busy with my own life, taking new activities, tried to meet new people, but it all couldn't help)

So it became like an obsession to me that I want to finally stop. And I want to stop hating myself. But I don't know how, because doesn't matter what I do with myself - i am not the one he chose...
And he really was a perfect guy I always dreamed about.

Last edited by Glx; 24th December 2017 at 9:37 AM..
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Old 24th December 2017, 9:51 AM   #2
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You need to disconnect & stop electronically stalking him. Try to reorganize your thinking. Since he moved on so fast acknowledge that he wasn't the "perfect" guy for you. Also think that since he moved on, there's hope for you to move on. He may be right that you two shouldn't be with each other because you are so alike & unable to show feelings early. You both may need somebody more open so that they can pry you open.

Continue with your plan to stay busy. Do your best to let go of your unhealthy obsession with him.
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Old 24th December 2017, 10:49 AM   #3
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Oh man, you are twisting yourself up in knots and you don't have any real proof that she is his girlfriend? Yikes!

And, you only dated for three months but you are stuck on him. Not good.

Why are you doing this to yourself? Stop stalking their social media. Continue to challenge your thoughts about the situation and talk to a counsellor if needed.

But more than anything, live your life. Go out and have some fun with friends and family. Meet people. Date someone else. Have some fun!
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