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#1 |
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 18
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I like to think its a typical scenario and learned from it: Dated this girl for like 1 1/2 years. First girl I every seriously dated.
![]() Long messy story kinda irrelevant at this point I guess. Problem is its been 5 months and I find myself thinking about her every day. Not like "I want you back" kinda way. I miss that 1/1 company, not her. But I just feel so violated and let down. Nobody has ever treated me like such a piece of trash, such a doormat. She said everything you would want to hear in a relationship and then in the end, I'm left feeling abandoned like it meant nothing to her. Like I was traded in as you would a used car. My used car value: an hour or two of exciting cheat sex. How do I get over this? They say to get out and start dating immediately, but I find myself looking at women so carefully now like "wonder if shes a liar, cheater, etc" know what I mean? Like every woman if part of the pandemic going around that is cheating. I just cant stop these feelings and thoughts of her and its daily. Im better now than a few months back, of course but ... what do I do? I havent told anyone any of this, or that honestly Im kinda depressed and feeling like garbage. Thanks guys |
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#2 |
Established Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Tri-State Area USA
Posts: 5,644
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You have to just make a decision to not let it affect your daily life, your moods, your emotions anymore. And eventually your ability to trust, although that will take time.
It helps if you develop a mindset of looking at every experience in your life, both good and bad, as a learning experience that has helped mold you into the person you are. This requires you to recognize that crappy things are going to happen to you in your life, and even embrace them. This relationship has taught you a lot about what you do not want in your next relationship, so that is a very positive thing. Try to spend more time dwelling on that instead of on the rejection and how "unfair" it all was. She will have plenty of unfair things happen to her in her life, too. Hang in there. Breakups suck all the way around, but nearly everyone has at least one in their lifetime! |
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#3 |
Established Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,183
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You know how schools have programs set in place, books chosen for each class, organized and set breaks, lunch, etc.?
That’s what you need to do. You need to start a new routine that involves a plan that you put together for yourself. Hobbies, friends, activities....think of all the things you like doing, all the things you’ve been meaning to do and set goals for yourself. Turn it into a routine so that you know, for example, that everyday after work you spend half an hour watching your favorite TV show, or reading a book, or meeting some friends for a cup of coffee, whatever it is, as long as it’s a routine you can follow without having to put too much though into it. Turn it into a habit and that will get you back on the right track. It’ll be a good distraction and keep your thoughts focused on the present. Sure, you’ll have moments when you’ll find yourself sitting in rush hour traffic thinking about how great it would be to have a significant other waiting for you at home, or get a loving text from someone. That’s normal. But whenever you start thinking these thoughts, try to think about the good things in your life. Sometimes we take things for granted. You have the strength in you to help yourself and move on. It takes work at first, but once you get into that routine it becomes easier and easier. Best of luck. Remember, time is your friend. As more time passes, the less emotional pain you’ll feel after this breakup. And word to the wise, take a few months off away from dating. The last thing you need now is rejections, betrayed trust and mind games. Right now you need the safety and comfort of stability, not the unpredictability and stress of dating. This is the time to rest and heal. I now liken breakups to physical injuries. It takes time to heal, but we persist and persevere. |
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#4 | |
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 17
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Quote:
Just my two cents. |
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#5 |
Established Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,183
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That’s the thing about some people. They tell you exactly what they know you want to hear and they say it, but their actions are the opposite. It’s manipulative behavior which my ex was good at.
Keep your chin up. |
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#6 |
Established Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,183
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I know what you mean about that feeling of intimacy of being with another person, one on one.
Like you, I don’t miss the lies, the drama or the uncertainty that my ex brought into the relationship, but I’d like to think — for my own sanity — that the feelings of love and affection she showed, at least in the beginning were genuine and that life just changed us both in different ways. I find it hard to comprehend that it might have been one big lie from the start. It’s too painful to think that. I take comfort in the thought that one day, sometime, I will be with special someone who’s good for me and I’m getting is for her. Until then, I feel like I’m hibernating. |
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#7 | |
Established Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 56
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