How do you know you're ready to start dating again?

[Logo]

Well, as the title says, when do you know you're ready?

 

Whenever the possibility of going on a second date with someone falls through, I go back to thinking about how good I had it with my ex, at least in the beginning, before things went sour. But she was the one who cheated on me.

 

 

I've also been thinking that my ex was perhaps a rebound. But it's all an emotional mess in my head tonight.

[cope ascetic]

When you are okay with being alone, you are ready to date again. When you can take things lightly and see them in their proper perspective and not view each date as a potential long term relationship, you are ready to see the person for who they are and not what you want them to be.

[BC1980]

Sometimes, you need to go on a few dates to see if you are ready. Nothing serious. I waited about 8 months after my last relationship to date again. I did online dating for 3 months just to get my feet wet and break the ice. It was weird at first, but I soon realized that I could be attracted to another guy and enjoy his company.

[TunaInTheBrine]

Some people will suggest there is no problem with getting right back out there. You could do that, but I'm a believer that when we are within the first 2-3 months of a breakup, the only people we will attract are other people who are hurting and desperate to fill the void. I've read several research studies that suggest it takes roughly three months on average to properly digest a breakup.

 

At some point, it's good to give yourself permission to meet new people who are not your ex so you can have different experiences that help you realize further what you've learned from your last relationship (e.g. what you want in a partner). I would caution against rushing anything or jumping into bed with anyone though. At some point, you will have to go through the full process of the loss of the breakup. Rushing into something else too soon only complicates it.

 

I guess there's no hard and fast answer, but roughly a few months is a good time frame for grieving, and then take things slow. Naturally, you should expect to still miss your ex and think about them until you've developed a new and fulfilling relationship that meets your needs, so don't worry too much if you're still thinking about them occasionally when getting to know someone new.

[todreaminblue]

for me its when I recognise my own flaws...i am then more tolerant of others flaws...more forgiving and then i am ready to date..in my opinion ,when you feel ready to commit to dating..you know it.........everybody is different with when ready is..........deb

[fieldoflavender]

I think when you definitely would not get back with them - even if they asked you. More better if you just want nothing to do with them again period. When you wince when you think about them. Of course if it was a mutual break up on good terms (props to you both) that's different, but they should be out of the picture.

 

It took me a while to get there (yeah every minute too long) but I've been there for 2-3 months now. They're pretty much like dead to me. I believe in solid no contact - so they're completely out of my life. And I like it that way.

 

It's okay I think to have some anger/uncertainty/anxiety/fear towards a long term relationship but a first date is just that.

 

if you're busy, then I don't like wasting time going on random dates with people I have no desire to ever enter a long term relationship with. That's just me - depends what you're looking for. I've gone on 2 dates - it was good for practice, but I did enter them thinking they could be long term if things worked out. Things didn't, but no biggie. I've done a LOT of first-time dates (probably like 30-40 + ) before my last relationship so to me, it's nothing new.

 

I'm ready now - but no one right =( I get lonely sometimes but what holds me back from just dating "anyone" is all the terrible things and incompatibility from the last relationship. That has taught me not to settle. I am very realistic about my own flaws, but I should not settle for deal breakers to me.

[Logo]

I've become more picky over time because I see red flags more easily, issues related to incompatibility, for example. And it ain't fun.

 

I used to give relationships a chance, say, 3 to 4 months and see how things work out.

 

 

Now, I just don't waste my time.

[whatnot]

this n/c thing....has a bit of a zealotry to it on the internet. People have been breaking up for 300,000 thousand years...without being plugged in. When I went through my divorce in '06....it never even occurred to me to consult the internet on how to break up....or heal. I just did it. sometimes I wonder if the internet doesn't do more harm than good.

 

in '06 after my divorce...after a year and a half or two...I ended up calling my ex to find out if I was over her or not. I had been in therapy...I had been moving on....doing other things....and life was going ok for me...but there was still doubt...as .....how can you know .... without knowing? and, for me the only way I could know was to call her up...to find out. I couldn't go through life feeling as if I didn't know how I would react to, or feel, meeting this person again or talking to this person again. so I called her and it was the best thing that I could have done for myself. at about the 25 to 30 minute mark...I just had to get off of the phone from her. not because I still cared....but because I had gotten what I had called her for. She wasn't a person I cared to get any closer to. I would not have known that without direct contact. She insinuated (or out right asked) if she could call me. I didn't say "no"....I just handled it the way I would with anyone else I knew I didn't really have any thing in common with...vagueness....with them seeing...how I felt...without my having to actually come out and say anything. she could feel...that I felt...that I could see no reason for that. and that was that. I was free.

 

same with my last break up. they'll come a time (it's been a year and a half or 2 years now) where I know I will have to quit hiding from this. and there's only one way for me to do it....speak to the ghost again. to see if it's real. running/hiding from myself isn't something anyone can do .... successfully...if you're like me...whatever that's about. I have to face myself.