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Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did you figure out why?


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A couple of days ago I declared that I'd gotten closure because I saw on social media that my ex had posted a lament about his inability to find a woman to build a future with and accept his love. I felt vindicated by his post because he sounded like a victim and that suggested to me that he hasn't changed a great deal. We were engaged and I very much wanted to build a future with him but he kept dealing me crushing blows by way of lies and his temper. It became a traumatic bond.

 

A few days after he posted his lament and I'd felt free for the first time in a long time, I learned that his lament was likely about a woman 18 years young than him - I'm 15 years younger than him - who parties, drinks, does drugs, is uneducated, and seems pretty obsessed with sex. While I didn't feel threatened by her, I felt unexplainable hurt seeing that this is who he most recently dated and broke up with. The complete opposite of me. I am all the things he was whining about not being able to find and he hurt me so much that I had to withdraw. He apologized but I never felt he understood how much pain he caused me. Now he is trying to have a life with a party girl?

 

 

I don't understand why but I have been feeling extremely sad for the last two days behind this. I successfully completed NC, worked on myself and was in a great place and now I feel like I've relapsed. Does it sound like I'm jealous or could something else be behind this pain? Has anyone else experienced this?

 

Thank you for your help.

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LivingWaterPlease

Sounds to me as if you're still processing the relationship and the breakup. You mentioned you've gone NC but my understanding is that not following an ex on social media is part of NC.

 

I'd say that if you want to move on in your life you may want to stop following him on social media or irl. Not that what you did is wrong. Just that from your post it seems you're wanting to grow as a person and move ahead!

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Very true. I disabled my social media just before the breakup, for career reasons, and thought that because I'd done NC for over a year and hadn't looked at it for more than 2 years that I'd be ok checking a few weeks ago.

 

You're right, I really do want to grow from this. Sometimes I think that because I went NC straight away and had no urges to look things up or check up on him I maybe missed some important breakup steps emotionally. He ended up contacting me but never for what I wanted contact for. I was wanting him to contact me for processing the end and his contact always seemed like it was intended to reconcile or see if I still cared.

 

I think there's value in those weeks and months of caving on contact because I think those folks are probably now immune to the emotional feels I'm getting from just two weeks of occasionally checking his social media.

 

 

 

Sounds to me as if you're still processing the relationship and the breakup. You mentioned you've gone NC but my understanding is that not following an ex on social media is part of NC.

 

I'd say that if you want to move on in your life you may want to stop following him on social media or irl. Not that what you did is wrong. Just that from your post it seems you're wanting to grow as a person and move ahead!

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This is exactly why it is important to stay in NC (and block on social media). Things like this can make you relapse despite long periods of time.

 

You think you're over it and things like this can set you back.

 

The fact that you are not indifferent means you are still processing the pain.

 

For yourself, block and delete him until you don't care anymore (which means you will have zero desire to check up on him).

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