Struggling to see the point anymore

[LOSINGHOPE113]

so me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago we were in a relationship for 2 years. I'm 23 and struggling so much to move past it, it has literally broke me. I have no idea how to move on my life has been completely turned upside down in ways that I could never even imagine, I feel so pathetic that just because I don't have this one person in my life I feel the way that I do, I have loads of friends and family around me that are supporting me but I don't think they fully understand the way that i'm feeling.

 

I have no idea who I am anymore or what excites me, my confidence has well and truly gone, before this I was such a confident person nothing scared me I could talk to anyone about anything with my head held high now I cant even get a few words out to someone that I don't know, even when i'm with my friends I just sit there and don't talk, I use to be the outspoken confident friend that didn't care what he said and just tried to make people laugh. I can't even drink or go out clubbing anymore because last time I really scared myself with the thoughts I had in my head about ending my life which was influenced by the alcohol. These thoughts are now creeping in while sober as I say I don't drink a drop now but more and more everyday I am finding it harder to see a point to my life I am completely miserable.

 

I loved this girl so much, I really don't fall in love easily it took me a long time to really love her, she wasn't my normal type but I knew she was a special person so I stuck it out and now I just cant see a life without her. I am not someone that wants to be married or have kids I've never wanted that and neither did she, as more and more time goes on I am realising just how perfect we were for each other I just know that i'll never find anyone as compatible again. I know that she can move on a live fine without me, I am not special like her she really was such a special person. When I met her I was such a confident person nothing fazed me, she was not a confident person which makes me even more confident if you understand me. I just really feel that I've lost my one shot at true love.

 

everything in my life has changed, before I was someone that loved spending time alone, I thrived on being by myself, I would just sit in my room doing my own thing but now I cant, I sit downstairs with my parents every night because I just can't face not having anyone around me which is honestly ridiculous considering what I was like before this. my parents are going away next week leaving me alone and I just don't know how to get through it, when they use to go away I would absolutely love being alone for a week I am so broken I had no idea I could feel like this, all my life values are gone, I am just a robot going through the everyday process of life. I just don't know who I am anymore.

 

I have been through a break up before but it didn't effect me as bad as this. I was single for 2 1/2 years after that breakup and I didn't want to meet anyone else, I was content alone but then the current ex walked into my life. I just want to get to a point where I can be content by myself again but I have no idea how to get there, and I have no idea how to get over her when I love so incredibly deeply she was the only thing in my life that I cared about and now shes gone I don't know what to do with myself.

 

I also have 24/7 obsessive thoughts about her and I am playing the whole relationship in my head on a loop, I have no idea how to stop doing it, by the time I go to bed i'm just about content enough to go sleep but when I wake up it hits me like a tonne of bricks again, and I don't want to get out of bed to face another day in this living hell.

Edited April 4, 2017 by LOSINGHOPE113
more to add

[PLT]

Hey,

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm afraid I don't have much advice to give, but know you are not alone in feeling this way. I am in the same boat and have been for months. It's tough when you feel as though you don't even know yourself anymore. How can we work towards being happy again when we don't even know what makes us happy anymore, other than the person that broke our heart? In some cases that isn't even true. My ex made me miserable for the final year or so of our relationship, but she made me happy for the other ~3 years and that's where my mind keeps going back to now. Our minds play tricks on us. Stay aware of that.

 

I think what you are feeling is completely normal. It is important not to disengage with life though. I know it's hard, really I do. Staying off the alcohol is a good idea, you clearly have a sensible approach to your situation. Taking your own life is not the solution. Believe me, I've been there too. In fact I'm there right now. Like you I just don't see the point in life anymore. I think this is a sign of depression. Perhaps make an appointment to go and see your doctor? There is no shame in asking for help to get through this.

 

The only advice I can give that usually works for me is to not be too down on yourself. Let yourself feel however you feel. Don't fight it. Don't feel guilty for feeling it, Don't tell yourself off for feeling sad or lonely or angry or anything else.

 

The obsessive thoughts are a problem. I still have them myself 7 months post BU. Not every day anymore, but I will have days when all I seem to do all day is think about her, the relationship, what I miss, what I'm angry about, what I wish I could say to her and so on. Days where no matter what I do, everything reminds me of her. I'm not sure how you get past that. Perhaps it's just time.

 

Keep posting here as much as you need. There are a ton of great people here with different perspectives but the one thing we all have in common is that we have all been where you are now. I would imagine that is what brought most of us here.

[EmilyJane]

I'm so sorry sweetheart.

 

I recognise the pain and despair and fear of being alone too much.

 

I don't have any advice to add to thst above except keep posting.

 

I think the break up may have triggered depression. Mine did. I'm finding counselling and working really hard on things for my future- even when it feels too hard to get out of bed- is really working.

 

Keep posting, when it gets too much or you're afraid of your own head, post.

 

It's cathartic and people will help

[keiji]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, mate. I think it's good for you to share your feelings here. Most of us have been there in some degree or another, and certain things will probably sound like a cliche now, but cliches sometimes exist for a reason.

 

I felt like you just a year ago. The breakup caused so much devastation (and it was the third in five years, including a nasty divorce) that one day I felt a bit strange in the morning and I decided I wouldn't drive to work and use the subway. Five or six stations later, after much struggling, I had to get off and run outside. I called a taxi, managed to control the anxiety and went home. It took 10 days for me to get out. I spent 10 f*** days literally looking at a wall. When I got up in the morning my only thought was, "damn, 14 hours to get some sleep again and not think about her for a while". I couldn't eat and certainly couldn't go out of the house. The first day I felt brave enough to be outside, I didn't even bother in changing my clothes. I was buying milk in my pyjamas. Yep, uplifting.

 

Just like you, I wasn't excited about anything. I tried to paint or draw to pass the time, but I couldn't. I tried to read, but all I could do was think about her. But then, and this probably sounds incredibly silly, I realized I hadn't listened to music in 10 days. That was the final warning. I've been a music buff since I was a little kid and over the years I've noticed that the saddest or disheartened I am, the simpler the music I listen to. But no music at all? That little moment of clarity made me realize I was in the early stages of depression, and that's the last thing you want to go through. Three days later I had an appointment with a psychologist.

 

So my suggestion is that you do the same. There's nothing wrong in looking for help, particularly from a professional. In my case, I realized my reaction, both mental and physical, was absolutely disproportionate. It hurts to lose someone you love and always will, but when it cripples you into a state of indifference towards everything and everyone that surrounds you, it probably says a lot more about you and your inner demons than the situation itself. Crying for them, missing them, craving for physical contact with them is perfectly normal. You'd be dead inside if you felt nothing. But the fact that taking your life has even crossed your mind (and it happened to me too) is more than enough encouragement to look for a good therapist and start working on yourself. Nothing negative will come out of it, believe me, quite the opposite. You won't be over her in two weeks, therapy is not some ancient form of magic, but your grieving process will be redirected and will follow a normal path. And in the process you'll learn more about yourself, which is something we stubbornly refuse to do.

[loveiswar101]

Like others I have been there, divorce, relationships ending. Seeing the end of the tunnel. What worked was a holiday, yep a holiday, going away for 10 days, no phone, no laptop. Just having time on my own to digest it all, at the end I have started to understand that I need to keep moving forward and doing this without fear.

 

Please know yourself worth and believe in yourself.

 

You will outlast the pain, its inevitable, but please accept it won't happen over night, once you understand that, you win.

 

You're day will come...i promise.

 

If you need to see someone, make that step, been there and it helps.

 

Post here if unsure, feelings will come and go. Believe in yourself that YOU WILL outlast the pain.

 

YOU WILL

[FoundLove]

So sorry you're hurting so much.

 

I can completely relate. The loneliness got to me as well after a relationship of mine ended back in 2008. The suffering was unbearable and, honestly, I still don't know how I made it through. But I did.

 

And so will you!

 

Just like you, I also thought this guy was the only man I ever wanted to be with. I could not imagine a single day without him. He was my everything and I loved him so much! I thought my life was over the day he left.

 

Fast forward 5 years. I met the man I married a year later and I honestly can't believe I ever loved the first guy. The relationship with my husband is just so much better in every way. There simply is no comparing the two. If I had known what was waiting for me, I would never have cried a tear about the first guy. And that is the honest truth!

 

You are still very young and I promise you will find someone even better - just like I did. It's just going to take some time for your heart to completely heal. Everything will fall back in place and you will get back to being your old self.

 

What helped me a lot was to write everything down. I kept a journal and wrote down all my feelings. Pages and pages and pages full. It really helped me get through it. Maybe you should try it. I bet you felt a little better after typing up your post here. Writing works wonders.

 

Good luck!

[Hoosfoos]

You need more time. Probably at least a year, maybe more. Stay out of the clubs for a while. They are cancer.

[kevinjinha]

I went on this forum for the same exact thing. It's been three months for me as well. I feel the same exact way. It's as if I was the one typing this. Me being 23 as well, just got out of a 3 year relationship.

 

I want to let you know that you aren't alone. I contemplated suicide and I still am every single day of my life. Just know that their are others feeling the same exact way you do. Even if you don't see it now, even if that loneliness and sorrow is rough, there is still light. I'm a hypocrite, I feel like trash myself currently but I can logically and reasonably tell you that, regardless of what happens, you didn't lose your one true shot at love. It will happen, and for us young adults, we will find happiness. Even if we are both completely blinded right now. You're not alone. I'm like you.

[LOSINGHOPE113]

been broke up for almost 4 months now and she is the only thing on my mind 24/7 I am stuck just thinking about memories constantly and everyday more memories flood in. I associate everything with her and I mean everything, every little thing is a trigger. does anyone have an tips to distract my mind elsewhere I am very concerned that after 4 months I cant even go 5 seconds without thinking about her, even when I am talking to someone or busy doing something she is still on my mind I just want it to stop its living hell.

[SadEgg]

In the same boat....

My ex broke up with me over a year ago. And Im still exactly where you are. I think about him constantly, miss him constantly. Nothing feels right. I dont connect with people that often and thought I was fine being alone - until I met him...so maybe thats why I havent been able to move on. Im in my 30's.

 

I know it's not the most helpful thing to probably hear but as you can see from all the replies, you are not alone. Still sucks to lose someone you love though..no matter how many people are in the same boat as you.

 

Hugs.

[Blastoplast]

My first serious relationship lasted almost 7 years, from when I was 19 until I was 26. I never thought I'd get over it. I went over in my head constantly, what am I going to be doing a month from now, a year from now? How will I find somebody as good as her? Etc. etc.

 

I beat myself up constantly over it, but eventually I got over. It was a long hard journey, but I did. You need to do your best to focus on yourself and work on what you can change in your life to make yourself a better person. A little self-reflection goes a long way, and helps you see things in yourself you didn't know were there, good or bad. Best of luck

[Gillys]

I can relate to how you're feeling my friend and I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

 

I was very much like you after my ex ripped my heart out and I completely lost my confidence and sense of self. I contemplated suicide daily and ended up going to therapy for a few months.

 

My ex left me a year ago and I still have days that I feel like sh*t and think about taking my own life. The only thing stopping me some days is the amount of pain I know I would cause my parents and siblings.

 

I wasn't able to start making positive steps in the right direction until nearly 10 months after my break up. The biggest thing that helped me was writing out a schedule to keep myself occupied. Even a year later, I notice I'm saddest when I can't keep my mind occupied with work. It's going to take a while to feel better but know it will come eventually and slowly. Please think about the pain you would cause your family and friends whenever you think about hurting yourself. Also try to focus on self improvement I found that helpful as well.

 

I found everyone on LS very supportive so keep writing and sharing your feelings

[ryn1827x]

You can get through it man..

Believe me.

 

I was in the same position with you 3 months ago.

I lost my job, than my ex request us to break

And I accept it.

And then out of the blue my ex girlfriend have a new boyfriend, she didnt say anything, I know that she have a new bf just a month ago through mutual friends that say to me

 

I confront her, like almost people do I beg and plead like a fool, she just say we'll get together again in the future, but I dont give a sh@+

But then I decided to go no contact,

I workout, go out, have a little walk everyday with my motorcyle, and feeling better and better.

Then I have a new job, and today it seems getting better and I dont even want her back or even want to know about her, and I'm feeling better and confident than ever

 

Just go outside men, take a random walk, see a beautiful universe out there, and you will start to apcreciate your life

Control your life, you are the one who can make yourself happy and confident again

Sorry for my bad english

[jparmyguy]

I recently went through a break up with a girl I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

 

She broke up with me over a text message over 3 weeks ago. Thinking it was like any other time we got into huge fights I thought I was going to get back together with her. I spent the three weeks confused on what had just happened trying to figure out ways to fix it. When I finally met up with her in person I was confident in getting her back.

 

However, I was rejected and threw everything in my face like it was my fault. I asked her for a chance to make things right, (biggest mistake). She preceded to end the convo with its nothing against you Jonpaul but I realized that we would have never worked out together.

 

I was upset and mad at myself for not letting it go a few weeks back. The next day I couldn't help myself but talk to her, I was saying how maybe we just need some space for a while and that sometime at the end of the year we could start over. She asked me to meet up with her and have one final talk and have sex one last time. I poured my heart out over text message to only get a 3 sentence response back. I blocked her and told her I couldn't go and that I needed to time process all this. I told her to block me back so that If I Wanted to talk I wouldn't be able too.

 

Anyways, I know the feeling of obsessing over her because that's all I did for the last 3 weeks. You just have to find in yourself to accept the fact that its over and for good reason.

 

It took for me to talk to my family and friends about her to realize that she made the best decision in my life. The girl I dated cheated on me and lied time and time again to me. She tried to blame me for having the trust issues like they were there for no reason. She blamed me for failing school.

 

I finally realized that when I was chasing her it was only emotions that were speaking. This girl ruined me and who I was as a person. I became resentful person after all the stuff she put me through. Even her friends told me that she was manipulative and would spin everything around on me.

 

Even though it sucks not having that person there to spend time with, I realized that I am going to feel 100x better about myself in a month. One day I will meet a better girl who doesn't cheat on me and lie to me. One who is independent and that I don't have to worry about parenting.

 

I wish I had a clear head at the time of meeting her but I know my issues I have an addictive personality and I was addicted to her.

[William]

As it looks like the OP has checked out of the conversation I'll go ahead and close this one up. As always if the OP returns they can request the thread reopened via the ALERT US function ~T