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How are you coping today?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 3rd March 2019, 4:45 AM   #9856
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fieldoflavender View Post
Sigh I'm in a city with lots of people - but I have my search criteria, which makes it hard too. There is also some other better ones than tinder, but I think if you're young and single and your career can afford the move, doesn't hurt to broaden your chances. My chances definitely hurt in my 20's when I was living in a more deserted city. But don't sacrifice career for it of course.
What is your search criteria?
Well I'm in my early 30s, would you classify that as young? Yea I don't know about my job, I wouldn't want to move city permanently, my job may not allow me to have x amount of months away and then return to it. I passed it by my boss once and she indicated no. But it could be different now.
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Old 5th March 2019, 2:57 AM   #9857
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People of similar professions. Yes early 30's is young =) But yes it depends on multiple factors. I got stuck in a city without much dating potential for years.
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Old 5th March 2019, 8:07 PM   #9858
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How come you can feel someone is so right for you but they feel differently about you? Does it mean you are not good enough? How come when you are together everything is so good, and when you are apart it all collapse? I don't understand relationships, I don't understand other people.

Next week it will be five months, five freaking months since he decided that this wasn't something he wanted right now, that he couldn't be with me. Then he didn't know because he still had feelings.. but he couldn't stand the distance.. and now it's been one and a half months since I decided to stop talking to him and really try to move on. I realised I was waiting for nothing, even without the distance, it was going to fail. Not because we are not compatible, but because our lives don't match. Knowing this, I still seem not able to stop thinking of him, every hour of the day. There is no peace in my head. I keep feeling this is a mistake, not right, not how it's supposed to be. I have this feeling I have had since the first night we met... and I can't get rid of it. It's like I just know that I'm supposed to be with him but I have fought this from start, because I know he doesn't feel the same. He is realistic and I'm a dreamer. It doesn't mean I don't know it's a naive feeling, that this isn't a movie and real life doesn't work like that. I'm fascinated by it because I never felt this way before, and I'm terrified that this means I'm never going to stop thinking of him. I miss him so much. It's crazy because I only dated him for a few months, though I have known him for almost a year back and forth.. and from start it was all just so unsure. So why am I even so hung up on him still? Why can't I just move on? Why am I still hoping even though I KNOW it can't work between us? It's just the ****test timing. In a way it felt forced from start, like everything, us meeting, me finding him again... but when we were together, it just felt natural and wonderful. Ever since the first time I met him I couldn't stop thinking of him. I want him so badly. I keep dreaming of him and I fantasise of us reunited. I hate my damn luck, I hate that he is so far away and there is a distance and a million other things that keeps us from being together, and I hate that in just a few months, I will live a walk away from him. I will be so close and it will be too late by then. It won't even matter. It's like the universe is just laughing at me. And anyway, how could I forgive him for hurting me, for walking away, for making this school year so incredibly hard, for affecting my studies in a bad way, for making me feel so damn lonely in a new city. I'm not a particularly social person, and I was so damn depressed and distant I couldn't connect with anyone and now I have no one here. It was supposed to be a great year at a new university and it's been so hard and required all my strenght for me not to fall apart and give up. So many times I wanted to walk away. I'm so pissed at him and I want nothing more than to be held by him. I hate that I can't just move on, I hate these damn feelings......
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Old 8th March 2019, 4:12 PM   #9859
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Turn your back on your ex. Annihilate them from your being. Remove them from your esteem. Give them nothing of yourself.
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Old 9th March 2019, 5:26 AM   #9860
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When you meet a new guy (or a new girl if you are a guy), we should just be like, "So, which contract do you want to sign up for? I have a three day, one month, six months or one year contracts avaliable. Take your pick."
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Old 10th March 2019, 4:06 AM   #9861
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I have sinned.. I clicked on a comment on a past post on my FB, my ex had made it, (even though I've blocked him, it still showed). I saw he had a change of profile photo and I managed to zoom a bit in by taking screenshots. I thought originally that it was him and his new girl. But it wasn't, just his daughter. I think. He might've looked happy. Happy without me.
Anyway, little bit of therapy anyone....?

Ugh.
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Old 10th March 2019, 6:37 PM   #9862
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Unhappy 6 years later..

6 years later and I still love her despite at best her indifference towards me.. People say it's because she's the mother of my twins, but it's really not... It's her.. Which is why before we got back together after one of our many breakups.. I completely blocked her from everything... It was for both of our own goods..

A mutual friend of ours ruined those efforts when she drove her to my dad's house when I was house sitting... And like magnets.. We were back.. Couple months later, we were 20 year's old expecting twins..

Long story short immaturity was our demise but what I can't get over is how it ended and she moved on.. I've been a waste of space for the past 6 years..

Went through a whore phase, which only took me to a depression phase, which lead to my unemployed phase, which ironically has kept me from acting on my suicidal phase because my life insurance has lapsed..

I avoid contact, thought, or discussion of her. But mutual friends and the twins serve as unwanted reminders that the only person I'll probably ever love still exists and is doing fine without me.

This weekend my son spills that his mom is pregnant and is expecting a son..

I'm extremely saddened by this.. Like extremely..

People are telling me I should be happy for her... That is the exact opposite of what I am for her.. I resent all of this.. My life trajectory was completely changed by her.. And she left me..
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Old 11th March 2019, 12:31 AM   #9863
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When someone dumps you (and doesn't remain your friend after) it's like they think so little of you, that they can drop you and never see or speak to you again. That's how little they think of you. You are even less than a friend to them. You aren't anything to them. You mean nothing to them!

Last edited by MeadowFlower; 11th March 2019 at 12:39 AM..
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Old 11th March 2019, 1:40 AM   #9864
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It's hard to be friends when feelings are not completely resolved though. Not saying that's your case - I was "dumped" if you want to call it that (to be fair probably more of a mutual break-up) and I refused to be his friend. I don't like him anymore, and he just reminded me of bad life choices and he did the break-up in an insensitive way.

Each person probably has their own reason. This is why I guess girls and guys can't really be "friends".
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Old 16th March 2019, 2:17 AM   #9865
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Girl power, someone?
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Old 19th March 2019, 12:46 AM   #9866
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Feeling nervous etc
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Old 19th March 2019, 2:04 AM   #9867
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Our gut I instinct is a clever little thing.
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Old 19th March 2019, 5:48 PM   #9868
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There's nothing I can do about it.

:-(

And it's over for good.
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Old 20th March 2019, 6:29 PM   #9869
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There's better people out there! Or at least being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

We deserve better.

I don't regret a single break-up when I really think about it. At the time, maybe it hurt, but now it's so much better. I would like to meet someone nice, but time will tell. Not interested in being stuck in something bad anymore.
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Old 20th March 2019, 8:25 PM   #9870
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@FieldofLavender and @Meadow

I'm right there with you guys. I had some unwanted dreams about my ex last night and woke up this morning feeling like I was losing it. I felt ashamed for the feelings because of how long it's been. So I went online searching desperately for assurance that I wasn't the only one who suffers over yesterday even though yesterday was sometime ago. Why? Because my ego got the best of me and I myself forgot what I tell others all the time. You heal when you heal. There is no deadline on this. And it's okay to miss someone who meant something to you. Even if that person turned their back on you. Even if you don't want to be with them again. What they meant to you, changed you as all things in our life do. I'll quote something I heard recently:

"Someone doesn't have to be in your life in the present, for the role they played in the past to matter. You are allowed to hold onto the things that were important to you and miss someone you don't have in your life anymore."

I'll shamelessly admit that after a year or so..I cried today. I needed it.

Everyone stay strong, and don't give up on your life just because of what went wrong yesterday. That doesn't mean tomorrow is going to be the same. Keep being you.

@Meadow I responded to your PM's.

- Beach
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Last edited by Beachead; 20th March 2019 at 8:30 PM..
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