Death in the Family

[agnf666]

In January my grandfather on my mother's side passed away. My Uncle (he's son) lived with him basically all of his life. My uncle is 51. His best friend/only friend was his father. So, he has not been able to get over the death. I know that it is a hard thing. I come to visit him he barely comes out of his room. No one has been in his room at all. For all we know he could have a wall covered of pictures of his dad. He always talks about all the regrets he has of stuff he didn't so with him when he was alive. I have tried to tell him that you have to remember the things that you did do with him. Those are the memories that you need to cherish, not the bad ones. So, he just constantly talks of his father and stuff like that. I think as the weeks/months go one it has gotten worse. I don't know what to do to get him to come out of his room and to be more social. I would like him to move on. I don't think he will ever do that. Anyone have any advice about this?? It would help out alot!

[westernxer]

He's SEVERELY depressed.

 

Can you get him to see a grief counselor or clergyman? It's not supposed to get worse. What does your family think?

[agnf666]

At this point we are trying to do everything we can for him. Like visiting more then we did. The last time I was at his house he was more social. This time he was barely social. He was saying how lonely he was. It makes me depressed to see him that way. He doesn't like to talk about personal stuff to much so I don't know if we could get him to go to a counselor.

 

MY grandfather use to paint. That was his hobbie. So, he has like over 60 some paintings in the house. I think that it might be good to take some of them down for a while. My uncle also made this picture collage in the living room of the family, but it was mostly of his father. So, I don't know what to do.

[dgiirl]

Sorry to hear that Is he living by himself now? Maybe you could try and make some plans so that he gets out of the house and get's some fresh air?

[agnf666]

My mother and her boyfriend are living with him. So, that makes it a little better. He doesn't like my mother's boyfriend so that may be why he doesn't come in the living room at the house. I plan on trying to get him out of the house soon. I'm working on that.

[westernxer]

I see what you mean... can't force someone to get help if they don't want it. I've known of people who never recovered from the death of someone close... either they don't know how or just don't want to.

 

You've got a tough road ahead of you, but please keep it up. See if you can get him to take a walk outside or something when he mentions how lonely he is. He's definitely crying for help, or maybe he's just feeling sorry for himself. But how does one go about saying this? Definitely a predicament.

 

Sorry if I'm not being helpful.

[agnf666]

Any advice I get at this point is helpful!! He told my brother that he was lonely. My brother is 14. He had a hard time trying to talk to him. He also says that he has nothing in common with my mother so trying to do something with her won't work! He likes to get on the computer alot maybe some online therapy or something.

[quankanne]

I am sorry to hear about your grandpa passing away, AG; even moreso that your uncle is grieving so hard over the loss.

 

you've posted that your uncle does have access to a computer. If you're comfortable with the idea, Google some grief therapy sites and pass the addresses along to your uncle. That might open the door to him physically seeing a grief counselor.

 

just remember that a situation like this sometimes calls for baby steps when it comes to progress. It's hard to see someone you love in pain, especially when you want to take that pain away from them. Just encourage him to seek help, be it online so he can anonymously pour out his grief or with a real live counselor, and let him know that you love him ...