Emmafive Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 So incredibly heart broken. Of course the dreaded day finally came-he's with someone else... It's his birthday today and I couldn't help but check his Facebook, even though we're not friends on there. It's been 3/4 months of no contact and I just felt it in my heart that we would find our way back to each other one day. I log on and see that he's taking a trip with this girl to the Bahamas. They share the same birthday apparently and he said he's starting off his 32nd with his "right". Could just be a friend that shares the same birthday and they're taking a trip, but I know that's highly unlikely... I just can't stop crying and feeling incredibly stupid. I thought I was so different to him-that we had something special. I'm not one to latch on or like someone easily so when I felt in my gut and soul. I thought that what we had was different. I just knew I was right, but having him moving on so fast (at least to me) to take a trip with someone else I think I was mistaken. He's very private and for him to even mention her makes me think this new person is incredibly special to him. Now my brain is starting to wonder if we overlapped towards the end. Before this he hadn't been with someone in 4 years and according to him after our first kiss he said, "I really like you and I haven't felt this way in a long time". Since he's with her so quickly, again, this confirms my suspicion that she's very special and different to him. What makes me feel even worse is this could have all been different if I didn't open my mouth and say something stupid. I said one thing to him that essentially killed everything for us and snowballed into us no longer speaking. If I just hadn't said that one thing to him... My heart literally hurts right now. I haven't this much pain since...maybe ever. I was with my ex for 6 years, even thought I wanted to marry him and I was with this guy for a short period of time and the pain of this hurts more than anytime I was with my ex, even more than when my ex cheated. Given his age I can't help but think this will be the one he settles down with. I'm so incredibly angry with myself for still missing and hoping all this time just to find out that he has someone else. Just so dumb. Also makes me mad that she kind of looks likes me. I don't know...guess I'm just venting here. Don't think I've cried this much in years... I just wish I could fast forward to whomever I'm supposed to be with because this pain is so unbearable right now.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I'm so sorry you are hurting. FB causes so much pain for people I wish they would just stay off of it. You are right that he probably was overlapping with this other woman while still with you. Don't beat yourself up over one thing you said that you think ruined the relationship. That just doesn't happen. This is not your fault. Just take care of yourself and it will get better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmafive Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 I'm so sorry you are hurting. FB causes so much pain for people I wish they would just stay off of it. You are right that he probably was overlapping with this other woman while still with you. Don't beat yourself up over one thing you said that you think ruined the relationship. That just doesn't happen. This is not your fault. Just take care of yourself and it will get better. Thanks. Well when I said that stupid thing, I was pretty much breaking up with him. I got scared for a second and backed out. It's kind of hard to explain. He was getting ready to leave for a trip and I didn't say anything until a week later apologizing. He said not to worry about it but then distanced himself. Then I started distancing myself and then it became a game of who can back off the longest. It was all so stupid. Eventually we just stopped talking after about a month (when I suspect he started seeing this girl). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 More than likely the girl was already in the picture and that is why he said not to worry about it and then distanced himself. Men usually don't like to leave sex on the table unless they have it somewhere else. Me thinks he had another table already set. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmafive Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 More than likely the girl was already in the picture and that is why he said not to worry about it and then distanced himself. Men usually don't like to leave sex on the table unless they have it somewhere else. Me thinks he had another table already set. I don't think so. I broke up with him for no reason. When he said everything was fine and not to worry about it I started to ignore him (I don't know what was wrong with me) while still posting all on social media for about a week. Then after that he tried to see me but I couldn't and he took that as another slight to him. Putting myself in his shoes if someone broke up with me out of the blue, for no reason, they tried to apologize a week later, I accept the apology then get ignored but see them on social media, I tried to see him and they didn't make time I would be distancing myself too. Can't blame him for distancing himself at all. I think anyone with some self-respect would've done the same thing... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 This guys an idiot for Jumping into something right a sub Don't sell yourself short justbagiid social media and start working on your self confidence I just went through a break up on a five-year relationship and I know eventually she will be seeing people who knows maybe she's already seeing someone and it's been less than a month but if she Has someone who makes her happy, you know what? I'm glad for her She deserves to be happy and so do I 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmafive Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 This guys an idiot for Jumping into something right a sub Don't sell yourself short justbagiid social media and start working on your self confidence I just went through a break up on a five-year relationship and I know eventually she will be seeing people who knows maybe she's already seeing someone and it's been less than a month but if she Has someone who makes her happy, you know what? I'm glad for her She deserves to be happy and so do I That doesn't make you feel like her getting into something so quickly diminishes what you two had? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 snip *I just wish I could fast forward to whomever I'm supposed to be with because this pain is so unbearable right now.... *You have to be OK by yourself, and with yourself, first. A healthy relationship is made up of two healthy people. If you want someone to take away your pain, and make everything right, you will get nothing but disappointment. Sense of Agency "Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behaviour, are important elements in *what you bring to a relationship.* This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change." Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmafive Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 snip *You have to be OK by yourself, and with yourself, first. A healthy relationship is made up of two healthy people. If you want someone to take away your pain, and make everything right, you will get nothing but disappointment. Sense of Agency "Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behaviour, are important elements in *what you bring to a relationship.* This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change." Take care. Thank you Satu. It's not that I wish I could meet someone and they be the magic pill to make everything better. Just wish I could get over this dating mess and be with who I'm supposed to be with. I hate it. You invest your heart and time into someone and it just doesn't work out. Then you start from scratch just to potentially go through all of this again. I'm kind of seeing someone now actually. I met someone about a month ago and we've had a great time so far. He's already made it known that he's not dating anyone else, but I'm just not as much into as he is. I'm definitely into him and can see it going somewhere but I'm not as invested as he is. I guess what I mean is he's just moving a little faster than I am. I get excited to see him and to hear from him, but when I would get home I would just think of my ex and get kind of sad sometimes :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Thanks. Well when I said that stupid thing, I was pretty much breaking up with him. I got scared for a second and backed out. It's kind of hard to explain. He was getting ready to leave for a trip and I didn't say anything until a week later apologizing. He said not to worry about it but then distanced himself. Then I started distancing myself and then it became a game of who can back off the longest. It was all so stupid. Eventually we just stopped talking after about a month (when I suspect he started seeing this girl). It seems that you guys have been playing some silly mind games. Maybe he wanted you to get jealous too, with the high-profile social media display of his allerged new girl. Try to stop acting like an immature kid if you want to have a healthy relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 snip I'm kind of seeing someone now actually. I met someone about a month ago and we've had a great time so far. He's already made it known that he's not dating anyone else, but I'm just not as much into as he is. I'm definitely into him and can see it going somewhere but I'm not as invested as he is. I guess what I mean is he's just moving a little faster than I am. I get excited to see him and to hear from him, *but when I would get home I would just think of my ex and get kind of sad sometimes :/ From my journals: Getting back on the horse "Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before. Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before. By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future. The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. 'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do." (ymmv) Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I don't think so. I broke up with him for no reason. When he said everything was fine and not to worry about it I started to ignore him (I don't know what was wrong with me) while still posting all on social media for about a week. Then after that he tried to see me but I couldn't and he took that as another slight to him. Putting myself in his shoes if someone broke up with me out of the blue, for no reason, they tried to apologize a week later, I accept the apology then get ignored but see them on social media, I tried to see him and they didn't make time I would be distancing myself too. Can't blame him for distancing himself at all. I think anyone with some self-respect would've done the same thing... You're right. If you did all of this it is more than likely he won't be back now that he has found someone new. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 That doesn't make you feel like her getting into something so quickly diminishes what you two had? No it doesn't I don't see it that way I know what I put in and I know what mistakes I made so looking back if she does find someone who makes her feel better than I did or makes her happier then by all means I am sincerely happy for her In a way that gives me hope because if she can find someone I will also find someone.... sometimes things happen for a reason and if she comes back and wants to work things out because of what I did then i might be open to the idea 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I don't think so. I broke up with him for no reason. When he said everything was fine and not to worry about it I started to ignore him (I don't know what was wrong with me) while still posting all on social media for about a week. Then after that he tried to see me but I couldn't and he took that as another slight to him. Putting myself in his shoes if someone broke up with me out of the blue, for no reason, they tried to apologize a week later, I accept the apology then get ignored but see them on social media, I tried to see him and they didn't make time I would be distancing myself too. Can't blame him for distancing himself at all. I think anyone with some self-respect would've done the same thing... OP: May I ask why you did all this to sabotage your relationship? Did you tend to play this kind of mind games in your relationship before this last drama? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmafive Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 OP: May I ask why you did all this to sabotage your relationship? Did you tend to play this kind of mind games in your relationship before this last drama? No I didn't. This go 'round I just got really nervous thus me sabotaging. I really wasn't trying to play games. That wasn't my intent at all I just handled things terribly wrong which made it seem like I was playing games. I freaked out initially and because I didn't know how to correct the situation properly I screwed it up even more. Well we both started to screw things up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LitTunnel Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Sweetheart, I'm in the same boat as you. I screwed up my breakup hardcore. I went even further by texting her, chasing her. She eventually had her supposed "boyfriend" call me to stop harassing her when all I did was send her 1 text to possibly reconcile. I was crushed and still am unfortunately. I'm even going to go and see a therapist because it's been almost 6 months NC and I'm still not over her. Just hang in there sweetie. I know it's a miserable feeling. Hopefully we can meet the love of our dreams soon so we can move on and get past this. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 No I didn't. This go 'round I just got really nervous thus me sabotaging. I really wasn't trying to play games. That wasn't my intent at all I just handled things terribly wrong which made it seem like I was playing games. I freaked out initially and because I didn't know how to correct the situation properly I screwed it up even more. Well we both started to screw things up. It sounds like you might have a "must have/can't have" thing on the go, regarding intimacy. You really want it, but it frightens you. Thats something you can work on and make progress with. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emmafive Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 It sounds like you might have a "must have/can't have" thing on the go, regarding intimacy. You really want it, but it frightens you. Thats something you can work on and make progress with. Take care. That's exactly it. It was going really well with us. The day before he was saying how he wanted to take a trip before the summer ended, how much he missed me, etc. I genuinely wanted him and could see things with him long term, but unfortunately I got nervous. I guess it was one of those let me back out before I get hurt kind of things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 That's exactly it. It was going really well with us. The day before he was saying how he wanted to take a trip before the summer ended, how much he missed me, etc. I genuinely wanted him and could see things with him long term, but unfortunately I got nervous. I guess it was one of those let me back out before I get hurt kind of things. I'd like to recommend a book that might be helpful: Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self. By Charles L Whitfield. "More than personal boundaries, this book is really about relationships--healthy and unhealthy ones. Here bestselling author and psychotherapist Charles Whitfield blends theories and dynamics from several disciplines into practical knowledge and actions that your can use in your relationships right now." ISBN-10: 155874259X ISBN-13: 978-1558742598 Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 If it makes you feel any better, my ex told his new girl he loved her SO MUCH, and he needs her (I had his FB password). He traveled up to see her. I was devastated. Then last week, he liked my bikini Instagram photo, and this week he sent a friendly text. I don't know if he still loves his new gf, but he sent me a text saying he was thinking of me. I don't mean to give you hope, but not everything online is the reality of the situation. He might be heartbroken and trying to hype himself up to move on. Heartbreak is paralyzing. My ex, is my true love. He really is, but love is a two way street. I have to move on, while still loving him. You can move on and allow the love to diminish naturally. It will. It always does. And before you know it, you will have the butterflies for someone new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 If it makes you feel any better, my ex told his new girl he loved her SO MUCH, and he needs her (I had his FB password). He traveled up to see her. I was devastated. Then last week, he liked my bikini Instagram photo, and this week he sent a friendly text. I don't know if he still loves his new gf, but he sent me a text saying he was thinking of me. I don't mean to give you hope, but not everything online is the reality of the situation. He might be heartbroken and trying to hype himself up to move on. Heartbreak is paralyzing. My ex, is my true love. He really is, but love is a two way street. I have to move on, while still loving him. You can move on and allow the love to diminish naturally. It will. It always does. And before you know it, you will have the butterflies for someone new. Facebook should be called fakebook 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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