33 Days NC, no progress

[loney_girl]

Well its been about 2 months since the breakup and 33 Days NC. He was the last one to make contact, sending me pics of his mom's vacation.

 

I really don't feel like I'm any further ahead. It's like the longer I go without contact with him, the crazier I am beginning to feel. I've started to cry at certain points of the day on a regular basis. I feel like I'm holding my breath. I don't know what to do to help myself. I go to the gym almost everyday and try to stay as busy as possible. Why am I going backwards?!?!?!?!?

[sorano]

its only been two months. Your not going backwards. It will get worse before it gets better. Im still not 100% and its been almost a year since my ex left me

[Logo]

Well its been about 2 months since the breakup and 33 Days NC. He was the last one to make contact, sending me pics of his mom's vacation.

 

I really don't feel like I'm any further ahead. It's like the longer I go without contact with him, the crazier I am beginning to feel. I've started to cry at certain points of the day on a regular basis. I feel like I'm holding my breath. I don't know what to do to help myself. I go to the gym almost everyday and try to stay as busy as possible. Why am I going backwards?!?!?!?!?

 

That's perfectly normal. Try to eat well and sleep well. I know when I don't sleep enough or when I'm hungry, my emotions start to run wild thinking about the relationship.

 

The second month was easier, but then I had a couple of weeks where I felt I was in a rut.

 

Overall, I feel I'm improving, but I do have those moments when I catch myself almost in agony thinking about the great times we had together.

 

Just writing about it brings back memories, so I'm going to stop.

 

Take care of yourself.

[VeveCakes]

It's really really hard.

 

It hurts like hell.

 

But NC is the only way to go. Take it from me who couldn't last a day in NC...and now three months later it feels like Im at the beginning again.

[loney_girl]

Thank you for the responses and your support guys. I think this will be a long battle for me.

[DarrenB]

The feelings will subside, it's a certainty. You feel as if you'll never recover or you'll partially recover and then fall back into the trauma of those of whom you've lost.

 

No-one ever said breakup's would be easy. People can be as cliche as they wish and tell you to 'maintain being occupied', 'go to the gym daily', 'go out and socialise with new people' etc, but I think for a lot of us the feeling and memory is always there, in the back of our mind and it strikes when we least expect it. Often, when we feel lonely or 'stuck in a rut' as people would say.

 

How you currently feel, is normal. 2 months and 33 days NC is still considerably fresh, therefore it's common to still feel that raw emotion as you did at the start, but don't ever feel as if you are going backwards and heading back into the direction of grief. It's the harsh reality that nothing lasts forever, and I suppose that's what makes us most fearful when we part from a lover. We assume we'll never find the same experience as we once did. Truth of the matter is, we will! and the positivity begins there.

 

Sure, you had an exceptional time with them, sure there's memories that will never relinquish but there's always room to find new moments and new memories to cherish. Now, I'm the most firm believer of love, I'm a hopeless romantic. But I can honestly say, that for each and everyone of us, there is always more than one person that we are compatible with. So you know what? when you feel down, when you feel as if those re-occuring feelings of whom you lost come back, think ahead. Never compare, but let it be of relation. Find peace, find love, find yourself. Never torment.

 

I will now quote another commonly used phrase to end on:

 

'One door closes, another one opens'

[Satu]

Two months is like two weeks on the feeling level.

 

Thoughts come and go much faster than feelings.

 

You can rush through thoughts, but you can't rush through feelings.

 

It takes time to get to the point of peaceful acceptance.

 

In the meantime:

 

 

Are you eating healthily?

 

Are you drinking enough water?

 

Are you exercising?

 

Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?

 

Are you getting out of the house enough?

 

Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?

 

Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?

 

Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?

 

You'll be ok.

 

 

Take care.

[picnicinthepark]

If I think about it, I'm around the same point as you in terms of time since the BU and NC. Consciously, I'm not going to think about it -- I'm not going to waste my time. This is a choice that YOU can make too! You can be obsessive and count the years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds. OR you can focus on yourself and live the life you want to live.

 

Believe me, BU's aren't a walk in the park. Relationships are hard! I'm not saying I'm a guru by any means but I'm always learning. Take what you've learned from your relationships and use it constructively. Give yourself time to feel everything you're feeling but don't let it take over your life. Embrace the grief and look at it as a reminder that your heart is working properly. You are capable of love and that is a beautiful thing. You are a stronger person now and things will only get better from here I promise!

[Bromeo]

If I may, I made it three weeks of no contact. During that time, I spent it learning, educating myself on relationships, learning about communication (or, lack thereof in her case), posting here, and although not contacting, obsessing over my ex. I had the fantasy that she was missing me and waiting for her knight. Lol

 

When I felt ready to, I went to see her at her bar. Nutshelled, she was rude, hurtful, told me to move on, and was spiteful to me. That gave me the personal thump to move on pretty much in 24 hours. It felt like a lifted weight not to be obsessing. I haven't stalked her social media, wanted to call, nada. Like roto rooter for the soul. Lol

 

When the universe sensed it, she sent me a love song at 3am. The next day. Lol

 

I then found my stones and told her not to contact me further. No breadcrumbs, songs, carrier pigeons, radio waves, nothing, unless it was about reconciling in person.

 

Point being, if you are at a place to handle a final rejection, it does wonders to move you along quickly, remove any fantasy, and cauterize the system.

 

Read my tale of woe to see how a proud man got k'oed.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/603033-bromeo-needs-vent-2.html

[sorano]

Also, don't be surprised if 3 to 5 months down the line, you start feeling great, really good. Then a relapse hits you. It happens to all of us. Just dont think there is something wrong with you. Keep fighting

[Pete2304]

This whole No Contact one size fits all solution really should come with a disclaimer, that being that it doesn't always work. I've just read your original threads and you know you've lost him. Going to the gym and not texting isn't a magic wand.

 

The very fact that you are on here seeking advice, an absolution or even just some company because you're feeling lonely as hell says to me that in all likelihood at some point in the not too distant future you will meet someone who will fall for you and appreciate the kind, loving side of you.

 

Personally, I'd say that if after over a month you're still wanting to contact him then do it. Put your cards on the table if you think it will bring closure. Get some answers, maybe it will help. If it's simply the hurt that's breaking your heart then no amount of gym or new hobbies etc will solve that. What helped me was realising that in all truth, my wife and I were never really a match made in heaven. I hurt like hell every day, still have the odd tear when I'm walking down the road or even in the supermarket, anywhere really.

 

After a while though you are able to admit to yourself that actually it wasn't truly the perfect relationship and if you dig deep within yourself you knew they weren't really the one.

[Blanco]

Don't count the days. It's fine to be able to pin down the amount of time since the last contact, but you're only making this all more about the other person if you're literally tallying each day as it unfolds.

[stemac]

2 months is really nothing in the broken heart world, it's been just over a year for me and am still broken am not saying you're going to be the same, I have good days then some days the sadness hits me again, just give yourself time, I know its a horrible time 8 weeks later I know that to well time is our healer now you will be ok :)x

[sorano]

This whole No Contact one size fits all solution really should come with a disclaimer, that being that it doesn't always work. I've just read your original threads and you know you've lost him. Going to the gym and not texting isn't a magic wand.

 

The very fact that you are on here seeking advice, an absolution or even just some company because you're feeling lonely as hell says to me that in all likelihood at some point in the not too distant future you will meet someone who will fall for you and appreciate the kind, loving side of you.

 

Personally, I'd say that if after over a month you're still wanting to contact him then do it. Put your cards on the table if you think it will bring closure. Get some answers, maybe it will help. If it's simply the hurt that's breaking your heart then no amount of gym or new hobbies etc will solve that. What helped me was realising that in all truth, my wife and I were never really a match made in heaven. I hurt like hell every day, still have the odd tear when I'm walking down the road or even in the supermarket, anywhere really.

 

After a while though you are able to admit to yourself that actually it wasn't truly the perfect relationship and if you dig deep within yourself you knew they weren't really the one.

 

If the person who dumped you does not want anything to do with you, says its over, you can't go on and keep contact. Its just creepy. so at times you are forced to go no contact. It is what it is.

 

If the break up is mutual, yea, you can wean off by contacting the person little by little. Most of the time, the break ups are bad. Just have to cut it off. If not, you are just going to reopen those feelings. Thats my opinion.

[Pete2304]

If the person who dumped you does not want anything to do with you, says its over, you can't go on and keep contact. Its just creepy. so at times you are forced to go no contact. It is what it is.

 

If the break up is mutual, yea, you can wean off by contacting the person little by little. Most of the time, the break ups are bad. Just have to cut it off. If not, you are just going to reopen those feelings. Thats my opinion.

 

I wasn't suggesting keeping contact just that the NC thing hasn't helped as of yet it seems. All I meant was that if the OP thinks maybe there's still a chance and that's stopping any closure happening then what harm in just asking. Clinging on the edge for months, even years happens, I've read enough examples on here so maybe best just to say "I still love you, I think the break has done us good and I'd really love it if we could give us a second chance."

 

Either you get a no, you get ignored or you are going to get the reply you are hoping for but at least you know. Not creepy, and I'm a little unhappy with your use of that word in response to what I'd written.

[Kayley]

I feel this, I'm on 28 days of NC and feel like I haven't made much progress at all. I've had to look for the little things I do now that I didn't do then or vice versa & then I realise there has been progress.

 

Look for the little things and you'll find it