Puddl Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 So 6 months ago I met someone on Tinder who is way younger than me. We totally connected, wrestled with romance but decided on friends. I moved for a job and our friendship just grew as we just texted and talked a lot. I could tell he was missing me. And he started telling me I was his best friend. It was pretty awesome. Then I flew back for a weekend to my hometown where he is also. We hung out and the sparks were bananas. We went from 0 to 100 at the end of the night and slept with each other for the first time. He pulled back a bunch. About two weeks afterwards I lost my cool in a way I had not before and **** got weird. We recovered a little but I noticed he was slower to respond to communication, like we talked on the phone and he said he was going to call back but never did.. I flew back into town and told him about it but he never reached out to get together. then on facebook I noticed he didn't read a message I sent for a few days. I haven't heard from him. It sucks. Two weeks have pasted and there has been no contact. I'm not sure what to do but I miss him. I miss the jokes, the silliness and shazamming his ass with tunes I heard on the radio. we've ebbed and flowed before...but this feels different. OK loveshack folks...send me your magically insightful suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 May I ask, how old are you? and how old is he for that matter? I'll give you the main insight. Most considerably younger men on Tinder, don't really tend to sign up to a dating app and 'look for love'. A majority do it, to simply have fun or spend a few nights with someone they would consider 'worthy of it'. That's my assumption, for starters. The mindset of the 'younger' generation is quite typically to find someone, and maybe in due time, continue an on-going relationship with them, or just cut them off completely after they've gotten what they wanted. Onto your little escapade with him over the course of 6 months... I'll say it honestly. I feel he has had second thoughts about the entire situation, involving you. I feel his youth has led him to believe that for now atleast, he needs temporary commitment. From what you say, it's quite evident that he's probably gotten scared of the thought of a long-term and committed relationship with yourself. You can argue that point as you've stated that you tried but remained friends, and it persisted but he caught feelings later on, as did you I can only assume. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 What did your "losing your cool" involve? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Yeah, I'm sorry to say that I think he cooled off immediately after his sparks flew. That's the bad thing about sleeping with a good friend, if one person wants it to go somewhere and the other doesn't it makes for an uncomfortable association. If you dropped your bundle at him it probably scared him off. I think you may need to accept that he's not really interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Puddl Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Actually...I just want to be friends. I'm not trying to get him back as a love interest. I just miss my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Puddl Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 I just read this. Did I ruin the friendship with sex? - redeyechicago.com I'll just have to trust that he will come back when he is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Perhaps he has met someone and didn't tell you about her, and doesn't want her finding out somehow that he slept with you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Actually...I just want to be friends. I'm not trying to get him back as a love interest. I just miss my friend. Really? Is that why you lost your cool? I don't see you going back to being just friends with this guy because your feelings for him are more than friendly. You can be honest here. What is the age difference? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 So 6 months ago I met someone on Tinder who is way younger than me. Two weeks have pasted and there has been no contact. I'm not sure what to do but I miss him. I miss the jokes, the silliness and shazamming his ass with tunes I heard on the radio. we've ebbed and flowed before...but this feels different. OK loveshack folks...send me your magically insightful suggestions. In your other thread from March you talked about a guy ghosting you that you had known for 20 years. Is this yet another guy who has gone ghost on you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Puddl Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Really? Is that why you lost your cool? I don't see you going back to being just friends with this guy because your feelings for him are more than friendly. You can be honest here. What is the age difference? No, I changed my feelings. And 20 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Puddl Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 In your other thread from March you talked about a guy ghosting you that you had known for 20 years. Is this yet another guy who has gone ghost on you? Ugh--I don't want to think about that guy. IDK, I don't think this is ghosting. I did learn from that though. I got the cues that he was uncomfortable to talk so I slowed myself down as well. I compared that situation to this and see some similarities and differences. One similarity is that I blamed myself for things not feeling right and I looked for validation through texts and facebook messages. Another similarity the stepping back. And that I may be choosing people who are not right for me romantically. And now that I am thinking about it...maybe I take too much stock in friendships that are not stable and strong. Knowing someone for 20 years is not the same as being actually close. I am on a hiatus from dating to get right with myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Puddl Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Perhaps he has met someone and didn't tell you about her, and doesn't want her finding out somehow that he slept with you. LOL No. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 No, I changed my feelings. And 20 years. This guy probably really liked you and enjoyed the sex but realized he couldn't afford to get really serious because of the 20 year age difference. He probably doesn't know how to handle telling you this so he doesn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 LOL No. May I ask why you think this isn't possible? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Puddl Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 May I ask why you think this isn't possible? Well let me clarify. In fact, the notion that he met someone is not far fetched. That he didn't want her to know about me did not strike a chord of likelihood. That he did not want me to know is more possible. Its funny. After we had sex...it was awkward...but in a natural kind of way. One expects that. But what got me in a state was when I went to write him a note on FB and I saw that he had a new friend add. I used to laugh when I saw this because I was like there goes another tinder girl. But after we slept together, it didn't feel so funny. I felt diminished. The the big rub was that he didn't tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
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