mrada34 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I'm just a little confused and am hoping for some direction or advice from anyone who's gone through this before or has something to offer. My most recent girlfriend of only four months broke up with me approaching almost six months ago now. At first, it was really hard to get over feelings for her, as is expected with being dumped, but I eventually got past the stage of wanting her and thinking she was the only one in my life I could be happy with. I've noticed something, though, now six months into recovery. I'm experiencing some major anxiety and insomnia. It's weird because it's not directed towards anything with her. I'm experiencing a huge amount of social anxiety (something that I wasn't terribly battling beforehand). I used to always be a pretty open guy and could be very easy to talk to with anyone. But now it seems that I just want conversations to end before I mess it up. I'm seriously so concerned and scared I'll mess up a conversation. I'm honestly unsure about what causes me to worry so much with conversations now. I just am not comfortable. This is even happening with friends and people I used to trust. Not only am I experiencing social anxiety though. I can't sleep easily. It takes great effort to go to sleep. My heart and mind races at night. Not about anything in particular, it's just about everything in life. I am just ashamed that such a short term relationship has caused me so much of a problem. I have even met this truly wonderful person recently. But I'm too scared to open up or allow myself to become vulnerable. I should probably be honest with her and say I'm not ready for dating life again yet. But it's just getting so frustrating and I'm just not sure what's keeping my insecurities at such a high level. This just seems never-ending. Is this normal? Has anyone else gone through something like this even after a short term relationship? I just feel like I've lost my old self and am starting to lose my mind in this. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Maybe you should seek counselling, some professional help? Is there anything else going on it your life that is causing major stress like work? I wish I knew what to say, I'm suffering with anxiety and my sleep is rubbish, but it's a new break up. I would definitely speak to a professional, take care. Link to post Share on other sites
m1ke11 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 My suggestion is excercise. I'm not talking about a 20 minute afternoon walk. I'm talking about the kind of excercise that that leaves you in a sweaty mess and near exhaustion. Do it everyday. I know it works for me! Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 My suggestion is excercise. I'm not talking about a 20 minute afternoon walk. I'm talking about the kind of excercise that that leaves you in a sweaty mess and near exhaustion. Do it everyday. I know it works for me! I vouch for that. Exercising and improving yourself on a physical level actually helps your mental and emotional state, more than what you'd probably think. Obviously, you'll probably have to do more than exercise in order to become in the correct mindset. But, you'll definitely get there. Try having interventions with yourself, family and friends. The root of the problem/s that occur don't always stem from just a B/U with someone or a failed R/S, but often it comes from our own self-worth and doubt. As soon as you're able to acknowledge your thoughts and actions, things such as sleeping and having social capabilities will gradually get easier. It will take time, it's not something that will miraculously happen overnight (I wish it could), it'll take a long duration of time and a lot of work from your own behalf. Try things you've neglected, focus on your happiness and your own living life. Life is valuable, and so is time. Patience is a virtue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 When you're with your new girl, do you still feel nervous and anxious or does all that go away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrada34 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 Maybe you should seek counselling, some professional help? Is there anything else going on it your life that is causing major stress like work? I wish I knew what to say, I'm suffering with anxiety and my sleep is rubbish, but it's a new break up. I would definitely speak to a professional, take care. You know? Since you said that, I started thinking on it a little bit. Maybe it is stemming from something else. I started my first professional internship at a software development company I think only a couple of days after the breakup. I was really struggling there as far as getting my mind off the breakup at first. I couldn't talk to anyone easily and when they would take me to lunch or something, it would always be really awkward because I was so concentrated on how "worthless I was" or "how I show too much emotion" (why my ex said she broke up with me. Not that I was emotionally fragile or taxing, just very open with her about how I was feeling.) and I couldn't really bring myself to be an active member in the conversations going on. I'm not the best at software engineering yet. I know it will take time. But I am getting a little discouraged from not being the best I could be right now and feel a little dull-minded because I can't catch onto the concepts as fast as I'd like. I'm also a little stressed from being a full time student with this too, finishing up my degree. Maybe all this, along with what all goes through someone's head after a breakup, has culminated into what I'm going through right now. I just feel a little pathetic too, honestly. I have life good compared to a lot of other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrada34 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 My suggestion is excercise. I'm not talking about a 20 minute afternoon walk. I'm talking about the kind of excercise that that leaves you in a sweaty mess and near exhaustion. Do it everyday. I know it works for me! A lot of people have recommended this to me and I have been running 30 min everyday since the breakup. Maybe I'll start doing a little more. It's been nice because it does feel good working at getting in shape, but I still lie awake at night filled with anxiety. But it does help as far as me feeling like I'm taking right steps at bettering myself or living out a healthy life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrada34 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 When you're with your new girl, do you still feel nervous and anxious or does all that go away? I've really just recently started talking with her. She's really kind, sweet, and patient. Or that's what I've gotten from her so far. But I'm still dealing, everytime I talk with her, with feeling like I'm messing it up or am going to mess it up. I feel like THIS early on it would be kinda weird to say "yeah. I'm dealing with some major insecurities and anxiety in my life right now. Hope you'll be patient." I don't want to, for lack of a better phrase, lead her on, though. I think I need to make peace with everything going on in my life right now and find inner happiness before pursuing another relationship. I just don't know how to tell her without her feeling like it has something to do with her. Link to post Share on other sites
FTM042014 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Going through a breakup makes you question everything about yourself. Suddenly this person you've bonded with is rejecting you and it hurts like hell. You look in the mirror and try to find answers and it makes you feel horrible about yourself. Your self esteem takes a hit. It is natural and expected. Unfortunately it coincides with some major changes in your life. Especially a job that you arestill trying to find your way around. Just a perfect storm. Nothing wrong with you. Counseling is always a great idea but I'm biased because I am a counselor! Consider this: perhaps this is a good way to help you focus on something other than the breakup and as you master your job you will regain self confidence. It's also an opportunity to create new life experiences without your ex. That is so crucial to moving on. I see it as a silver lining myself. My guess is breakup or not you'd have some anxiety and trouble sleeping with the job thing. Only natural. Of course it may be heightened due to the breakup. Try not to delve too deep into the whys and how's and what's. One day at a time. Stay in the moment. And usually when we think we're being awkward others don't think so at all. You are your own worst critic. Link to post Share on other sites
surferchic Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I totally empathize with you. Sounds like you're going through an almost major depression. I went through this, even though I was the one who made the decision to breakup. We were engaged but I found out some things about him that I realized I could not live with for the rest of my life. I loved him dearly though, but I had to let go. He was bitter about my decision and has since, and cut off all communication. It took me almost 1 solid year and 1/2 to get through a major depression and some denial. Insomnia is another component of depression. I tried benadryl, zzzquil and finally had to get counseling. It helped to vent, but counseling alone was not very effective. I also had to start taking anti-depressants. I can now sleep and I'm so thankful...before the meds I was only sleeping maybe 3 hours some nights. What also helps is having supportive fam&friends. I have some supportive family and friends. I also have family who is not supportive and who don't think depression is real. Don't allow naysayers to enter your spirit while trying to heal. You need an emotional break from stress too. That helped me. Setting more boundaries. I'm hoping you have a true healing. Be in the moment and learn from this journey. Be patient with yourself and you will get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
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