SummerRae Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I am at peace with the general direction of my life but it still doesn't change the ups and downs of emotions I feel with things.... such is life, I guess. I guess I'm just moody?? Sometimes life just gets overwhelming. I know I can't just sit here and add everything up that's happened in my life that's bad. It's just what I do sometimes. Then I try to keep it in and just keep a happy smile on my face when inside I just want to scream. I overthink everything. I have this undying desire to find someone great to share things with. But why can't I just enjoy the MOMENT, the PRESENT, single and without love on the horizon?? Why do I crave something more?? Why do I always want something more? Why do I read into every single event that happens in my life and let so much affect me?? Why am I so fu(king sensitive?? Sorry, I just need to vent... and to know that I'm not the only person with these kinds of thoughts at least sometimes?? It feels good to just let it the fu(k out. (and to swear while doing it, hehehe) Me Any thoughts?? Words to share??? Please throw them my way. I'm feeling like a solo person on a deserted rickety ship right now... c'est la vie?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 PS. after writing this I am asking myself why I even felt the need to write it?? What happened today that bothered me?? Sadly, nothing happend. I'm just in a horrible funk. Feeling like "poor me". Fu(k I hate being so sensitive. I wish I could just enjoy life and not overthink everything... argggh. K I'll get over it, PRONTO. (or at least I better!) Link to post Share on other sites
Three of Swords Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae I overthink everything. I have this undying desire to find someone great to share things with. But why can't I just enjoy the MOMENT, the PRESENT, single and without love on the horizon?? Why do I crave something more?? Why do I always want something more? Why do I read into every single event that happens in my life and let so much affect me?? Why am I so fu(king sensitive?? Sorry, I just need to vent... and to know that I'm not the only person with these kinds of thoughts at least sometimes?? It feels good to just let it the fu(k out. (and to swear while doing it, hehehe) Me Any thoughts?? Words to share??? Please throw them my way. I'm feeling like a solo person on a deserted rickety ship right now... c'est la vie?? I am a stowaway on said rickety ship. Hiding away from my cravings as well. I overanalyze everything. I also am way too sensitive. I also fall in love/lust way too easily - and then get soo disappointed (generally in myself) when it doesn't work out. And yes, would love to have someone great to share it with. A fantasy I have is just to stand in the middle of the busy downtown street and just go AHHHHHHHHHHH at the top of my lungs, but I know it still wouldn't be enough to get rid of the demons. When I have moments like that I make myself put one foot in front of the other, keep breathing, in and out (cause sometimes it feels like I am suffocating), and keep telling myself over and over - it will be allright. Also, listening to my music is a great essential coping tool for me. And before it sounds like I am a total mess - I am not. Often, I am quite OK. And even on several occasions happy. So there you go - my input (for what it's worth) Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 Thank you Three of Swords, it's just comforting to know that I'm not the only person (even though, deep, deep down, I know I'm not the only one). I just keep sooo much fu(king in. I feel like I have two completely different parts of me. The one I show the world, that is always trying to please and trying to "be happy." And then the real me inside that analyzes the point of life (to death) and then beats myself up for it. I'm absolutely horrible at small talk. Which means that I often feel so, umm, separate and isoloted. Like they aren't true connections unless I'm sharing the depths of ME and my thoughts and really understanding other people too. Is that because I still crave approval? Why do i care what other people think and do?? I too, fall head over lust. And am almost ALWAYS disappointed. And, yes, usually turn that disappointment inwards. Before I, too, begin to sound like a mess (u didn't by the way), I will come to my own defense. I'm actually an optimist, shocking I know. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and usually when I'm in a funk like this, I don't share. Or else I just drink wine or otherwise distract myself... I'm great at distracting myself. Perhaps part of the problem is that I've been overworking myself for the past 2 years and as of next week (graduation...) I will finally have TIME on my hands, and maybe I'm just freaking out about it. More time also means less distraction. But I know that I have to learn to deal with idleness. Maybe I'll take up yoga or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Three of Swords Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Are we twins separated at birth? I HATE the small talk. And also think I am basically an optimist. What I have been forcing myself to do - at least several times a week - is to say something non-committal to strangers. (It doesn't count if I have had a few drinks though) Practice, practice, practice. I have never tried yoga - but understand it could/would be a wonderful tool for both filling your time and giving you coping mechanisms. Good for mind AND body. Let me know how it works. I too have been very busy lately. I work two jobs and try to squeeze in social life/friendships. What I am going to give a whirl is Cognitive behavior therapy. Try googling basic Cognitive behaviour therapy by John Winston Bush. Also try overcoming social phobia by the same fellow. It has some insight to my behaviours on there. I am not able to squeeze in therapy - both time wise and financially. And don't think I need meds. So I am going to get a good book (maybe that feeling good book that Bush recommends) and see if I can't apply some of the principles myself. (As with anything written on the net and or in books, you have to filter out what applies to you and what might work). Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 whoa, hold up! U mean Bush as in George W. Bush?? U mean he has reccommended a feel good book? Did I hear u right? I'll try to believe it... OOps, just reread your post... wrong Bush, sorry, my mistake. (I'm Canadian, and not a big fan of Bush, not that being Canadian means that, arggh, u know what I mean!) Will definitely check out that book u mentioned! I too, was thinking about cognitive therapy. $$ are definitely an issue. Am waiting to be able to "heal my life" hehehe. (like there's ever an opportune time or something...) Social phobia... I hate to admit it (publicly, hehe), never thought I'd have it but yep, I think I could. Nothing extreme. I just need to feel comfortable where I am, otherwise, I get overwhelmed by all the people. Fear people judging me like I fear the plague. Crazy, huh?? I will avoid situations that cause me discomfort at all costs. Like when I worked at this paper I wouldn't go to the social functions because I wasn't comfortable with those people at the bars... (even though I am comfortable at the bars, lol). N e ways, being sensitive sucks. I did buy a good book called The Highly Sensitive Person. It was a great read, full of, umm, ME. I felt right at home yet wasn't sure how to apply it to my day to day life. Yes, I know I'm sensitive, and yes, in some cases, that's a good thing, but it's also incredibly painful sometimes. The only way I can make sense of it is believing in some greater purpose and that having compassion for other people is rare and important. Having spiritual beliefs has helped me, yet in some ways it has also separated me from people because I feel like I need that stimulation of talking with people who make me think and who are compassionate too. And according to this book, only 20% of people are sensitive which means chances of finding those "sensitive" connections are few and far btwn. Will have to look at that book of yours... here's the site of that book I was talking about: http://www.hsperson.com Thought-provoking anyways... Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Wow! I see my own life in what has been described above! I am toooooo sensitive and do not enjoy social situations too much either. Whenever I have been asked by a SO to go to a social function, family gathering, wedding etc I get completely freaked, i try to find any way I can to get out of it, it often gets to the point where the SO's family think I don't like them. The funny thing is when I do go to these events I usually enjoy them and am very sociable but somewhere in the back of my mind is fear and dread! Dont know why. My girlfriend recently broke up with me and this was one of the reasons she gave. At first she didnt mind the way I am but I think she thought she could change me and only I can make that change. I suffer from IBS which doesn't help, I am usually fine when I am at home but when I know I have to be somewhere or am going out, I get really bad pains in my stomach and go through a lot of the symptoms of IBS until I can take no more and have to go home. I am not sure if this is psychological because I am uncomfortable in the environment, well acually I think I just realised thats exactly what it is. I have been reading about people with schizoid personality disorder and though it sounds like a terrible condition it isn't. I think that could possibly be me???? Have a read online if you can and see if some of these things apply to you. I will read some of the books mentioned here and hope we can keep this thread going and try help each other. Now I'm off to do some analyzing! lol Take Care Love Simon Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I am also a highly sensitive person ( I have IBS too, due to stress ). In some ways it's a good thing because I can pick up on the little subtleties going on around me and in some ways I'm a stronger person because of it, I've certainly learnt not to take any sh*t from people! But applied to my own love life it makes me over-analyze myself and my relationships too much and I've lost out because of it. That's something I need to work on. Too many people equate sensitivity with weakness, but I think it makes you stronger. You have more of a broader spectrum of what's going on around you, unlike someone who's very self involved and see's things only in their way, sensitive people are more likely to see things in many perspectives, and where the other person is coming from (which can be very confusing in itself). Link to post Share on other sites
prayformydownfall Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 i can agree with 50% of the above, im far too sensitive, like to overanalyse, jump onto hope in terms of love and lust, yet i am a really social person. I dont have a problem gettin out there, doing small talk and meeting strangers as iv always been quite a mouthy person! i cant offer any advice but eventually we wil always find someone who treasures that in a person, i am now seeing a new girl, my ex is emailing me (behind her new bf's back may i add) to ask pointless questions that show shes just jealous...., and my confidence is back and shruggin off the worries. finally i feel i am coming to the end of the pain after 5 months yet i still have the same qualities as i mentioned above. they rnt a downfall, yet my strengths that define me as a person and make ppl fall in love with me.... itll take time, yet jus keep walkin down the road, u dont need another half to make you whole PFMD Link to post Share on other sites
djones Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Guys I think you all are my lost brother and sisters!! I am feeling like that all the time and I am in more of a funk with my recent break up....I wish things would change for the better for all of us!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Donut I am also a highly sensitive person ( I have IBS too, due to stress ). In some ways it's a good thing because I can pick up on the little subtleties going on around me and in some ways I'm a stronger person because of it, I've certainly learnt not to take any sh*t from people! But applied to my own love life it makes me over-analyze myself and my relationships too much and I've lost out because of it. That's something I need to work on. Too many people equate sensitivity with weakness, but I think it makes you stronger. You have more of a broader spectrum of what's going on around you, unlike someone who's very self involved and see's things only in their way, sensitive people are more likely to see things in many perspectives, and where the other person is coming from (which can be very confusing in itself). Donut, I totally agree!! Often sensitive people are made out to be weak or whatever, but I think that's a load of crappola. I mean I know that, but yet, I still question myself. I have a huge fear when I'm in situations with lots of people, I feel so much energy going on and in the back of my mind I'm always wondering if they're judging me. It's tough to be this way, which is why I'm looking into therapy. I know I won't be able to change my sensitivities but I hope to change my outlook and to stop being so damn afraid! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk Wow! I see my own life in what has been described above! I am toooooo sensitive and do not enjoy social situations too much either. Whenever I have been asked by a SO to go to a social function, family gathering, wedding etc I get completely freaked, i try to find any way I can to get out of it, it often gets to the point where the SO's family think I don't like them. The funny thing is when I do go to these events I usually enjoy them and am very sociable but somewhere in the back of my mind is fear and dread! Dont know why. My girlfriend recently broke up with me and this was one of the reasons she gave. At first she didnt mind the way I am but I think she thought she could change me and only I can make that change. I suffer from IBS which doesn't help, I am usually fine when I am at home but when I know I have to be somewhere or am going out, I get really bad pains in my stomach and go through a lot of the symptoms of IBS until I can take no more and have to go home. I am not sure if this is psychological because I am uncomfortable in the environment, well acually I think I just realised thats exactly what it is. I have been reading about people with schizoid personality disorder and though it sounds like a terrible condition it isn't. I think that could possibly be me???? Have a read online if you can and see if some of these things apply to you. I will read some of the books mentioned here and hope we can keep this thread going and try help each other. Now I'm off to do some analyzing! lol Take Care Love Simon Simon, what's IBS?? I will have to do some research. I'm positive I have something that hasn't been diagnosed yet, (I mean how can I get diagnosed when I haven't really told anyone about it!) Off to do some research... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by prayformydownfall i can agree with 50% of the above, im far too sensitive, like to overanalyse, jump onto hope in terms of love and lust, yet i am a really social person. I dont have a problem gettin out there, doing small talk and meeting strangers as iv always been quite a mouthy person! i cant offer any advice but eventually we wil always find someone who treasures that in a person, i am now seeing a new girl, my ex is emailing me (behind her new bf's back may i add) to ask pointless questions that show shes just jealous...., and my confidence is back and shruggin off the worries. finally i feel i am coming to the end of the pain after 5 months yet i still have the same qualities as i mentioned above. they rnt a downfall, yet my strengths that define me as a person and make ppl fall in love with me.... itll take time, yet jus keep walkin down the road, u dont need another half to make you whole PFMD PFMD, I think you may have misread what we were talking about.... it's not so much the fact of not having "another" but the fact that we are sensitive people and that makes us feel out of the loop sometimes. I mean, I think it's human nature to want someone to share life with, to be witnesses so to speak. But I don't feel like I **NEED** someone. I'm just so sensitive that I fall in and out of love and lust quite easily. Actually, maybe, I should rephrase that since I've only been in love once in my life... I fall in & out of LUST. I think these people have the qualities I'm looking for only to realize NAH, they don't. But anyways, for me right now, my number ONE goal is to try to heal myself, and to feel good about who I am regardless of outside circumstances and who I am around. If someone holds this answer, please SPEAK UP! Love to hear about it... Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Hi Summer IBS is irritable bowel syndrome. it can just come and go at any point in your life for no reason at all apparently. I got from getting a bad case of gastro enteritis whilst in Turkey. It really does take control of your life and prevents you from doing normal things in life. it is a constant battle and to be honest I have not helped myself really with some of the things I eat. But it does affect your emotional state as well as your physical state. Simon Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by djones Guys I think you all are my lost brother and sisters!! I am feeling like that all the time and I am in more of a funk with my recent break up....I wish things would change for the better for all of us!!! Yes, I feel the same way! Thanks for giving me somewhere to vent this stuff!! It feels good to just "let it all hang out" lol. Let's keep this post going. Maybe post on each of our learnings when we feel the urge?? Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 When I'm in situations where there are lots of people I don't know at all I pretend to be confident and after a while I start feeling it. It mostly becomes second nature now. The problem with me is small groups I don't know that well (such as a bf's friends or family), it's much harder for me to deal with these, as it really matters to me how I come across! I usually don't say much then they start thinking I'm aloof and perhaps unfriendly. I'm just so conscious of every little move I make around them, like they're judging me. It's in these situations that I need to learn to relax and not worry too much. (ex bf really had a hard time understanding this, unfortunately). Saying this I have a really good bunch of my own friends, that I'm the life of the party with! Strange huh? I guess I just really open up when I trust people and know them well enough not to care if I act silly. Sometimes life knocks you and you fall by the wayside and have to really make the effort to keep on the smile and the brave face. It's ok to get overwhelmed with it all sometimes, just don't let it take over! Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 I also worry far too much about the future and forget to enjoy right now, I've overlooked far to many "moments" because of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Donut When I'm in situations where there are lots of people I don't know at all I pretend to be confident and after a while I start feeling it. It mostly becomes second nature now. The problem with me is small groups I don't know that well (such as a bf's friends or family), it's much harder for me to deal with these, as it really matters to me how I come across! I usually don't say much then they start thinking I'm aloof and perhaps unfriendly. I'm just so conscious of every little move I make around them, like they're judging me. It's in these situations that I need to learn to relax and not worry too much. (ex bf really had a hard time understanding this, unfortunately). Saying this I have a really good bunch of my own friends, that I'm the life of the party with! Strange huh? I guess I just really open up when I trust people and know them well enough not to care if I act silly. Sometimes life knocks you and you fall by the wayside and have to really make the effort to keep on the smile and the brave face. It's ok to get overwhelmed with it all sometimes, just don't let it take over! I totally hear you Donut. My friends would never believe I was shy until they see me around people I'm not comfortable with. I guess the truth is I have a really really hard time trusting people. I've just been hurt so many times before and I'm used to being on the defensive. Girls are often bitchy to me and yeah... that's prob why I have a few good friends but that's it... Oh, and I'm HORRIBLE at small talk. I hate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Small talk is tedious I agree, but a necessary evil! Otherwise people think your unfriendly, when in reality you just don't know what to say..........you just go blank! Your mind muddles up and then you feel like there's something wong with you, then you start to feel uncomfortable and just wanna get out of there so you can get back to a sense of reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Donut Small talk is tedious I agree, but a necessary evil! Otherwise people think your unfriendly, when in reality you just don't know what to say..........you just go blank! Your mind muddles up and then you feel like there's something wong with you, then you start to feel uncomfortable and just wanna get out of there so you can get back to a sense of reality. OMG, totally Donut!! My symptoms described to a T!! I can do small talk, don't get me wrong, but I can only do it with people who I feel aren't "judging" me and who are really listening to ME and not just shrugging me off. If I feel like they're just shrugging me off, I shut-down. Horrible, I know, that's why I'm hoping therapy can help me! Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Good to hear that you want to do things to help you improve on it. Unfortunately I can't afford therapy right now but I'm very into reading self help books. I went thru a bad break up not long ago so it's mostly been relationship books up to now, but when I go shopping tomorrow I'm going to get some self esteem ones. The break up hasn't helped and really knocked me sideways, but I've had these issues ever since I was little, so hopefully they'll help some. I'm revelling in being single and not feeling like I need a man, never really felt this way before, so it's quite surprising now that I do! I've jumped from one relationship to the other all my life, but it's now time to take time out for me, get to know who I am again and not rely on a man so much, cos that's when you get in trouble! Yay for us! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 donut, oooh, I looove books (especially self-help ones) Any good recommendations?? I was thinking of doing that tonight, just going home and curling up with a good book. Hmmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Donut I'm revelling in being single and not feeling like I need a man, never really felt this way before, so it's quite surprising now that I do! I've jumped from one relationship to the other all my life, but it's now time to take time out for me, get to know who I am again and not rely on a man so much, cos that's when you get in trouble! Yay for us! Any tips on how you got to this point??? Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Any tips on how you got to this point??? I think I've just plain had enough of men for now! Been in three serious relationships continuously for the past twelve years (with minor flings in between), first was abusive, second was a cheater and the third was a commitment phobe, which actually hurt me more than the other two did. I loved him very much (still do) and the break up was v hurtful and cruel. I need a break for my own sanity, to get over the most recent ex as best I can and to figure out things for myself, rather than just making my relationships the main focus of my life! Time to start putting ME first, it's something I have never done (well, except when I got out of the relationship with the abuser, but it was literally life or death). What topic would you like your self help book to be about if you bought one? I've mostly bought relationship ones up to now . Mars and Venus is a very good one (it get's a bit silly at the end, with love letters and uses lots of metaphors, but is basically a good one for understanding men). I'm currently reading Why Men Love Bitches, which unlike the title sounds actually goes on the basis that guys like women who are nice, but not pushovers too. Sounds like common sense really, but us girls get silly sometimes, letting men get away with too much, especially when we are young, which can sometimes set the pattern for life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerRae Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 that is hilarious. I picked up that same book, Why Men Love Bitches one day. I was shopping with my brother and he just looked at me like I was crazy (lol, not exactly something he would pick up!). I loved what it said though. I think we're taught to be pleasers. Our society rewards us when we please other people, whether that means we're supposed to look a certain way or be "nice." I'm finally starting to see that niceness only goes so far, but it's taken me sooo long to see this. B4 I didn't want to swear because i thought it was unfeminine and crass. Well, fu(k that s***. just kidding. But it does piss me off how we feel like we're supposed to behave a certain way. Fu(k that. I'm bustin' loose! I'm going to buy that book! I picked up that Men are from Mars book but I didn't like it. I found it too, umm, weird (for lack of better words). I actually can't remember what exactly i didn't like about it, maybe it was just his writing style. But I was also thinking of a book, even relationship-wise, that taught u a lot or gave u a new perspective. I love those kinds of self-help books. Thanx again Donut. You're big time support! Link to post Share on other sites
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