Comparing everyone to the EX

[ttjames]

My ex and I have been apart since Jan but I still can't help comparing her to every other girl I meet. She still seems better than all of them. I guess it's really hard to move on when you can't seem to find somehting better... or more intruiging or interesting.. I have give a few a chance too, but there just isn't a spark.. No real connection..

 

I guess it's always easier to get over someone when you find someone immediately and everything is better than it ever was with the ex...

 

Also I feel like if I just go for one of these girls, I'll be settling.... I don't want to just settle or end up with a meaningless rebound.. .

 

 

ANyone else feel like this?

[Naive]

Time heals all.

[reservoirdog1]

I definitely went through that, dude. I had a deceiving, betraying, serial cheating ex wife, and for several months after we split, I STILL compared women I met and dated to her. How messed up is that?

 

For obvious reasons, in my case, she WASN'T better than the other women I'd meet. But I still made the comparison. Which led me to conclude that a large part of the reason we make those comparisons is tied up in simple familiarity. Nobody likes change, but when a relationship ends that's what we have to deal with. And it can be rough at times.

 

Give it time. Keep dating, keep meeting new people, and you will click with some of them. Enough for a prospective next life partner? Maybe, maybe not. But the ties to your ex will get less and less important each day.

[aarsky]

I know exactly how you feel. I just dont see myself with anyone else because I really and truly loved my ex. However, I thought about the same thing when I got divorced, but when I wasnt looking to find anyone it just happened. Just go and take care of yourself and when the time is right, someone will come along that will blow your mind. Good luck.

[Nick14]

Originally posted by aarsky

I know exactly how you feel. I just dont see myself with anyone else because I really and truly loved my ex. However, I thought about the same thing when I got divorced, but when I wasnt looking to find anyone it just happened. Just go and take care of yourself and when the time is right, someone will come along that will blow your mind. Good luck.

 

Not to put a dent in your story, but I can emphasize. I do the same thing and its been 7 months since I got dumped out of a 2.5 year relationship. I still try to compare and no one can top it, in better terms they have all failed. Another reason is, I still have my ex stuck in my head. I mean this isn't just a meaningless ex, this ex was very special in my life, someone who I wanted to marry and what not. I was ready for all that and living with her, it was so right. To have my world come down and shatter was the hardest thing I ever felt in my lifetime. She was the one I was always looking for. We were like bestfriends and almost like twins. It was so so right and everything was faling into place. I'll admit, I made some stupid mistakes during the relationship but I also changed my crap so it doesn't happen again. Proving that, I guess didn't bring back those feelings she use to have. I feel like a stranger to her, she has not talked to me since and she probably has a b/f and moved on, that sucks. Makes me feel like 2.5 years just like never happen or existed, it still lingers alot in inside.

[demonfall]

I feel the same way Nick14. I was living with my ex and we were engaged. Then my world was turned upside down. It's been one of the hardest things I've had to live through in my 28 years. It's been a little over 2 months for me, and I still think about her constantly. I have gone just over 2 weeks with NC with her though, so I am doing a bit better. I hope she feels like **** for throwing away a year and a half relationship for the a**h*** she slept with. Especially since he told her to **** off a week after she dumped me. Hang in there guys. I know it's tough, but we will meet other women. Yes, we will compare them to our ex, but that can't be helped. When the right one comes around though, hopefully she'll make the thoughts of the ex fade.

 

OK enough of my rambling. I need to get out and do something instead of sitting in front of this computer. (Yeah right)

[Donut]

I feel this way most of the time since my break-up happened, you're not alone. I've been on a few dates since, but no luck yet. To be honest I've stopped looking.

 

I don't want meaningless sex or a rebound relationship either, just a proper relationship with someone I click with, who mostly likes and wants the same things, (and if not will meet me halfway) and who isn't afraid of going the distance with me. I don't expect perfection, just a "right for me" partner. I thought I had found that with the ex, but I can't have otherwise he wouldn't have dumped me in the cruel, shocking and harsh way he did. That's the reality I have to face every day since it happened. Like it was all a wonderful dream that has turned into a waking nightmare.

 

As you may be able to tell, I'm going through a crushing relapse at the moment, but I'm determined to keep going and tell myself I will meet someone in the future whom I love and will love me back. I realise I need to do more healing, do the things I need to do and enjoy life by myself first and make myself stronger. I don't expect or want a partner to "rescue me" while I'm in this state, I need to do this for myself.

 

But when I do, well you know what they say, time heals all and someone will come along when you least expect it.

[BrotherAaron]

I thought the way you did... "What's the point?", I asked myself, "this girl is nothing compared."

 

Then I decided I wasn't looking for a partner. I wanted to bask in the attention from girls that I was never able to enjoy, having dated the same girl from when I was 17 to when I was 20 years old.

 

Well, I met a girl who was nothing I was ever looking for. She was wild, a party animal, had 100 guy friends, seemed a bit shallow, high maintenance... etc. She was so different than my ex, there was nothing to compare... and, you know what? I didn't care. I had a weeklong fling with her, and that was all I wanted. It felt good not to care how it ended up, and it was especially nice not to compare. Now I know I have my own rubric for what I'm looking for in girls... half the things I know I want come from things I can finally admit that I hated about my ex.

 

Just stop expecting anything from girls. If you expect something, that's when you start evaluating, and when you start evaluating, you start comparing. It's not worth your time. You're not looking for another incarnation of your ex, and, as long as you are, you won't find anyone.