Well Fudge :/

[TimmyC]

I told myself that I wouldnt revisit this part of the forums...But now I am not feeling so confident about my future. I've cut off all of my friends, deactivated my Facebook, and am too myself.

 

I feel like my life is ruined she wins. I'm starting to honestly feel like I am crazy, that there really is something wrong with me. As some of you may already know I have found another therapist and they have helped me but for some reason...a reason I cannot figure out, I still miss her. Infact I got into an argument with my friend a couple days ago because according to her I'm overly attached... (Details on that in another thread.) So now apparently I'm crazy, and a stalker? Apparently thinking about and missing your ex means that your a stalker...

 

My progress has been a rollercoaster but I honestly don't think I'm ever going to recover or be happy again. I'm disappointed in myself for missing someone so abusive, and letting her win... but what can I even do anymore.

[sorano]

Timmy, if you feel that you need to be alone than do so. Its good to just keep to yourself at times to reflect, think about the situation, think about life and how to make it better. sometimes you have to listen to your gut and if being alone right now will make you feel better than do it. Keep seeing the therapist. I know its tough man.

 

Do you workout? Let me tell you, I just came back from doing chest, its 9:48pm here in new york and I feel so damn good I can literally break down walls. start training and doing aerobics. Its lifes natural prozac. Trust me. Get a new wardrobe. I just got myself three new sport jackets, button downs, shoes, ties. I also started to learn how to make mixed drinks. classy drinks.

 

I also treat myself to a nice shave now. I never paid anyone to do that but its nice. A placed called MAD MEN opened up across the street from my house. Its a 1920's gentleman's lounge. Hair cuts, shave, tailors, pool table and lounge. I love it. I go every saturday for a cut and shave.

 

I also went to the extent on getting a new car. something more modern and roomy. classy ride. I am not saying go spend your whole savings, I am just telling you what I am doing that is helping me out.

 

I am dressing better, looking better, acting more like a gentleman, doing more manly things, and moving up.

 

some may agree with me and others wont but, do not tell yourself she won. she is one who dumped you and its her lose. It looks like she left a nice guy. At this point, you are now giving her YOUR TIME. so if you keep saying she won, why are you giving her MORE of your time. Yes, let out your emotions but do not let HER WIN. show her what kind of man you are and BE BETTER. show her up!!! Be the alpha male.

 

so my point is, start doing things to improve. Also, dont be scared on changing certain things about yourself if you did or acted wrong in this relationship. sometimes we have to take some criticism. My ex said I wasn't too out going and said some other stuff. she was right. so I am changing. Not for her, but, to make ME a better person.

 

Dude, I am also going to start taking dancing lessons!!! who in the world would have THunk THAT ME, the bodybuilding long island italian would ever dance. Not in a million years!!!! I want to learn salsa and other latin dances. For some reason, I feel its another tool I can use to make myself better and get more girls when I am ready to date again. no woman will turn down a good dancer.

 

Start doing things man. Get hobbies, start doing more manly and gentleman things, go to jazz clubs, workout, get a tattoo, I dont know. Get out there bro.

[bummer]

Cutting out bad friends is good.

 

She didn't win anything you aren't giving her. Take yourself back. You want your dignity, peace, happiness? Ask for each and you'll find they are still in you. Your therapist will help.

 

Really, soprano is right. Shake up your routine. Small things. Watch the Ted video on rejection therapy. Find something genuine and easy and build from there. Exercise is best.

 

What are you good at?

 

What do you want to learn or get better at outside dating and relationships?

 

Where do you want to go and who or what do you want to see?

 

Start small: I'm good at photography-learn to draw. I want abs, watch an ab video on youtube and try it. I want to go to a music festival - start by going to a local bar concert.

 

Expand: take a painting course or join a meet up to photograph birds. Join a gym or buy freeweights if you are self motivated to work out alone. Buy tickets and plan a trip with friends to a music festival. Maybe with new friends you met in a club, at a concert, or from the gym.

 

Magically, you'll forget this girl and have rebuilt yourself into Timmy 2.0.

[sorano]

Thats what Im talking about bummer! expand and make a new version of yourself. You have to do it. One day you will snap out of it. Trust me.

 

all of us on here ARE NOT SPECIAL. we aren't the only ones hurting. It happens to all. some have it worse!! Divorce, have kids, 20 years gone. ****s painful. But, time, heals all.

 

Who is she timmy. She's only a woman, nothing more and nothing special. And when I say nothing special, I mean it. They bleed like you, hurt like you, they take a dump like you, and, when it all comes to an end? they get buried 6ft under in a nice coffin just like you and I.

 

Bummer knows whats up and we all have to take those steps. It works. BE ALPHA!!!!!

[juniorrocha]

Working out seems to be the first big step for moving on. Seriously, do it. Start slowly. I started working out 4 days after the break up. I didn't want to, but I forced myself so I could get my life going. Almost a month after and I'm feeling great! Of course I do still miss my ex, but definitely not as much anymore. I made myself a promise that in 2 years I'll be the man I want to be. I have 2 years to get a nice job, a nicer body, my whole arm tattoo'd (that's something I've always wanted to do, atm I only have one tattoo), and anything else that may pop in my head. Motivate yourself to improve yourself. I'm sure you can do it!

[TimmyC]

Thank you guys for your advice. I'm going to try to start working out, and I'll focusing on saving for my RX8

 

I honestly just wish I could forget this girl and move on with my life easily like she has. Seems like being nice gets you hurt pretty bad.

[bummer]

Who is she timmy. She's only a woman, nothing more and nothing special. And when I say nothing special, I mean it. They bleed like you, hurt like you, they take a dump like you, and, when it all comes to an end? they get buried 6ft under in a nice coffin just like you and I.

 

Stop imagining her walking on rose pedals. if you know shes walking on rose pedals, youre not NC.

 

Read the above out loud three times and maybe if you're in a safe place, yell it out. Yell out that she's just a person. She has no control on you. She isn't not you. You are you! You're gonna get an rx8. She can't ride in it!!

 

Also. Make things actionable today. Do five push ups before you can eat dinner. Do five more before you can take a shower. Build up from something today. Right now. Same for the car. Figure out your budget today and timeline to get it. Set up a separate savings account just for the car tomorrow. Stick to the bigger goal but break it into smaller chunks with in your face today deadlines.

Edited June 14, 2016 by bummer

[sorano]

nailed it brother!!!

[sorano]

Thank you guys for your advice. I'm going to try to start working out, and I'll focusing on saving for my RX8

 

I honestly just wish I could forget this girl and move on with my life easily like she has. Seems like being nice gets you hurt pretty bad.

 

well don't change who you are. I am also the typical nice guy that got hurt. I got thrown to the side like a old dirty pair of shoes. Trust me I know. Keep being that nice guy and in the end, it will all work out.

 

Remember, karma is a bitch. I believe in it. It smacks you in the face when you are at your highest. These heartless people that treat others like crap will end up screwing themselves over lol. They will end up ruining there own life.

 

Its ok man, its going to be ok. she's just a person. Think of all the hurtful things she did to you and think about it. would you be happy for the next 10 to 20 years with that person? That personality? I said that to myself when I was missing my ex. when I was crying. You know what?........

 

I could NEVER stay with a person like my ex. That personality? that cold side she has, the getting angry at little things and that annoying barking attitude. If I had to live with that and be married to that thing, I would end up in jail. Not even the devil himself, satan, can tame or deal with my ex. Thats a unhappy, never satisfied, lying human being. Actually calling her a human being is too nice. Yea she was sweet at times. But that bi polar **** wasn't cool. Your brain is PLAYING TRICKS ON YOU. All it is are chemicals. Just chemicals. I can give you medication and you will be fine. Just an illusion brother thats why you are hurting. Its all in the brain and its only chemicals. Nothing more.

 

Also, I got one other thing to say that somebody told me. when you get into another relationship or even for the people that are IN A RELATIONSHIP, always love yourself more. Think about what that means and how it applies to a relationship. And.............remember, she ain't ****. shes just a woman

[juniorrocha]

Let her go. Beside working on yourself, you should let her go. Don't hold any anger, resentment or anything. Just think that she's gone now and whatever that happened in your relationship is also gone. It doesn't belong to you anymore. Once you accept that, you'll be able to move on quicker. Sometimes it's very hard for us to accept it's over and let go. I know how it feels, I've been there, I would often question everything and not ever accept that it's over, it hurted everytime I thought about it.

 

Be the strenght you need to get over this. I know you can. Everyone can do it. Act like your own hero and bring yourself out of this situation, you're capable of that.

[Satu]

snip

My progress has been a rollercoaster but I honestly don't think I'm ever going to recover or be happy again. I'm disappointed in myself for missing someone so abusive, and letting her win... but what can I even do anymore.

 

There's no timescale on the grieving process.

 

It takes as long as it takes.

 

Keep going to therapy.

 

You'll get there eventually.

 

 

Take care.