SethDamien Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 if you've read my first post up to now, you'd really see my situation hasn't changed much. Me and my ex still work at the same office. -- And the guy she left me for, works several cubicles away from my desk. The three of us, in the same office - except, I'm their senior. I observed they're keeping their relationship secret. They never talk, and they always leave separately after work. I dont know if i should quit my job, or get them to leave. But im not that crazy enough to get them fired though (but i could). My job isnt boring, my boss isnt terrible - so why should I be the one to quit? Seeing that guy just makes me sick. And seeing her daily just hurts a lot. Can anybody please slap some sense into me? i know i should just stop seeing her, but how? Link to post Share on other sites
Kelsy Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 To get them fired is not a very good idea. Think about karma Most of us have those crazy thoughts (revenge etc). But they will pass Maybe some changes would do you good. Changing your job? It is like a fresh start, new environment, people, achievements. Or is it possible to change something in your previous job? It is better if you dont see them every day. It may help you to heal and forget. And it helps you to focus on other things. I cant imagine working with my ex. It hurts alot I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
sorano Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Thats a tough situation man. I give you credit for being strong. It will be hard to heal quickly when you are in that environment. But I know those crazy feelings will go away. Like I tell everyone, nothing lasts. Nothing. never get jealous or mad when you see your ex with someone else. Parents always tell us to give our used toys to the less fortunate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuanDelToro Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Allow me to slap some sense into you. ha. See it in this way, both, her and him, are in the wrong. She for leaving you for another coworker and he for hooking up with a coworkers gf with no consideration of basic workplace etiquette. They have no problems showing their faces in the office with no sense of decency (it doesn't matter if they keep it secret, what matters is that you know). Yet you're the one worrying and hurting. Why? If you get them fired you will be dropping to their level, if you leave (and I gather your job is satisfying) you'll give them much more value than they deserve. Keep your head high, knowing that you're a much better person than they will ever be. Ignore them and get on with your life, career, happiness. The universe has a unique way of sorting out injustice, just be patient and it'll take care things for you. Believe me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Allow me to slap some sense into you. ha. See it in this way, both, her and him, are in the wrong. She for leaving you for another coworker and he for hooking up with a coworkers gf with no consideration of basic workplace etiquette. They have no problems showing their faces in the office with no sense of decency (it doesn't matter if they keep it secret, what matters is that you know). Yet you're the one worrying and hurting. Why? If you get them fired you will be dropping to their level, if you leave (and I gather your job is satisfying) you'll give them much more value than they deserve. Keep your head high, knowing that you're a much better person than they will ever be. Ignore them and get on with your life, career, happiness. The universe has a unique way of sorting out injustice, just be patient and it'll take care things for you. Believe me. 100% agreed. This is easier said than done, but it's definitely the best advice you can get. If you fire them, you'll feel guilty. If you leave, you'll feel like a loser. Try to be strong and resist, unless your mental or general health is at risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 To get them fired is not a very good idea. Think about karma Most of us have those crazy thoughts (revenge etc). But they will pass .... I cant imagine working with my ex. It hurts alot I guess. The worst i could think of was making their lives a nightmare by throwing to them every job order i could muster... but im only lowering myself. Quitting is my best bet to not see them again. I see my ex everyday, AND i get to see the guy who, by now, is probably her boyfriend already. One time, they arrived at the office together in the same cab. Assuming they stayed in one place the night before - made me break down at the office. At times, he would bring her coffee, something i used to do before him. It just ruins the rest of the day for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 Allow me to slap some sense into you. ha. See it in this way, both, her and him, are in the wrong. She for leaving you for another coworker and he for hooking up with a coworkers gf with no consideration of basic workplace etiquette. They have no problems showing their faces in the office with no sense of decency (it doesn't matter if they keep it secret, what matters is that you know). Yet you're the one worrying and hurting. Why? If you get them fired you will be dropping to their level, if you leave (and I gather your job is satisfying) you'll give them much more value than they deserve. Keep your head high, knowing that you're a much better person than they will ever be. Ignore them and get on with your life, career, happiness. The universe has a unique way of sorting out injustice, just be patient and it'll take care things for you. Believe me. Thanks @juan. but I hope my patience doesnt come at a price... i keep having palpitations whenever i see them talk. They do need to talk - its part of the job. But every time they do, i sense a bit of endearment in their voice, different from when talking to a neutral co worker. I wish i wasn't this attentive, but I cant help it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 it's been two years but i still cant get her out of my thoughts I've been trying to improve my life since she left me... i lost weight, got promoted, got more independence. But its probably because i was trying really hard to impress her. I dated other girls... but i never develop any interest in them. I know im being unfair to them. I know I have to get her off the pedestal before i start dating again but i don't know how. I know it's pathetic, but just wanna stop feeling lonely. Its probably the reason im still pinning on my ex. I keep having these fantasies that i just want to have someone to eat breakfast with, watch movies in those lazy Saturday afternoons with, etc... I want to stop needing her and missing her badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Maybe it's being in a successful relationship that you are pining after. Picking up each time it doesn't work out with a new girl. That's completely normal. Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 I couldn't fathom watching all this over such a period of time. There is no form of NC that could help this heal if I understand correctly. You're braver than me and hopefully stronger for it. Ill jump on the limb and gently suggest you consider relocating. Any branches in other cities? Lateral jumps to a similar company? It's not giving in if you leave, it's giving yourself a fresh environment to close this gaping wound. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 You need to find a new job. You can't move on and heal when you have constant reminders. Link to post Share on other sites
NIGHT1985 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 This is doing a number on your mental state. It's in your best interest to find a better job 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Breakupblues Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 If you feel that either one of them went behind your back and crossed you, get that person fired. That way you don't have to deal with the thought of them being together. It might not be the most honorable thing to do, but it's also not honorable to crush somebody's heart. I think striking up a new relationship with somebody in the close circle of an ex is pretty rotten to begin with. One thing I DEFINITELY do not think you should do, is leave your job over something you had no control over. If anybody has to leave, it's them or at least one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightwriter Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 It's been said that if you can't find someone who is as good or better than the best parts of your best relationship, you'll have a hard time getting over her. You'll compare the new girl to her. But man this situation is so bad. She has no remorse over what she did. She obviously has guilt or she wouldn't be hiding it from you but not enough to change the situation. And the other guy--he has zero integrity for being a part of this. People can be so horrible when they are selfish. Have you ever had a serious talk to her about what she is doing? I'm not saying you should, I'm just asking if you did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 Just woke up from a dream, it was quite vivid... ...me and my ex were spending time together when someone called her. She picked up her phone and just before finishing her call, she bids goodbye and says "I love you". When i asked her who it was she told me 'that guy's' name... I swear my heart's still beating loud as i type this. I honestly didnt think that after two years, the pain would still feel as fresh as it did weeks after she left me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 The problem was, everybody at work knew she was my girlfriend. Even my boss knew she was my girlfriend! And yet the guy had the gall to steal her from me - probably one of the reasons they're keeping it secret. Im starting to lose hope guys. Im tired of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 Just woke up from a dream, it was quite vivid... ...me and my ex were spending time together when someone called her. She picked up her phone and just before finishing her call, she bids goodbye and says "I love you". When i asked her who it was she told me 'that guy's' name... I swear my heart's still beating loud as i type this. I honestly didnt think that after two years, the pain would still feel as fresh as it did weeks after she left me... Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Uhh. I think there are lots of parables in the Bible and mythology of guys suffering a purgatory like rolling rocks up hills or cutting bits of their own flesh for eternity... I don't know them, but hearing your story and cries makes me cringe. Do yourself a solid and at least grab a bro and take a few days camping or traveling and straighten your head. Then gtfo of there and free yourself from your hell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Is there any possibility of finding a new job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 My ex was emotionally abusive. Shamelessly calling me out in front of friends and even family. We never even had the opportunity to sort out our differences since after every fight, she just shuts me off. Whenever i tell her: "we need to talk so we can understand each other" she just answers in like manner: "go f**k yourself" whenever i call her out (privately) about how mean she is, she just says "get used to it!" or "shut up moron" or "If you dont like it, then get out of my face!" She finally dumped me when, i emotionally cheated on her. I felt relief from another girl (through chats) for a year. We only got to meet once to watch a movie after one serious fight me and my ex had. (and i cant imagine the horror that girl faced when we spent the entire date just hearing me talk about my GF) Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 Is there any possibility of finding a new job? Im working at the best one here in my city. The environment is professional, the systems are organized, and we have a lot of clients. Another way of moving up is to move to another city where there are better firms. but its not an option for me... One good news though. the guy just handed his resignation letter. He's leaving for reasons i do not know (and dont care) Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Im working at the best one here in my city. The environment is professional, the systems are organized, and we have a lot of clients. Another way of moving up is to move to another city where there are better firms. but its not an option for me... One good news though. the guy just handed his resignation letter. He's leaving for reasons i do not know (and dont care) That's great for you. I have little faith that you can move on from this while working with them. You can't go through the healing process when you are being triggered everyday. I was lucky that I barely ever saw my ex at work. Still, even that was hard at first. I understand not wanting to leave a job. But there does come a point when you have to accept the fact that she works with you as collateral damage. You will have to accept the fact that you might not really ever move on from this if you continue to work with her. It's a very real possibility that you will not move on while working with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SethDamien Posted June 14, 2016 Author Share Posted June 14, 2016 That's great for you. I have little faith that you can move on from this while working with them. You can't go through the healing process when you are being triggered everyday. I was lucky that I barely ever saw my ex at work. Still, even that was hard at first. I understand not wanting to leave a job. But there does come a point when you have to accept the fact that she works with you as collateral damage. You will have to accept the fact that you might not really ever move on from this if you continue to work with her. It's a very real possibility that you will not move on while working with her. im thinking you're definitely right... I thought i was crazy not being able to move on for two years when most people i know already have a successful relationship a year/months after BU. I kept thinking what was wrong with me... am i really this obsessed with her? but yeah, one obvious reason i was avoiding all along was the fact that i still see her everyday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) If that environment is having negative impact on you, you should leave it. It really is as simple as that. "Some grief shows much of love, But much of grief shows still some want of wit.” ― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet Take care. Edited June 14, 2016 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 im thinking you're definitely right... I thought i was crazy not being able to move on for two years when most people i know already have a successful relationship a year/months after BU. I kept thinking what was wrong with me... am i really this obsessed with her? but yeah, one obvious reason i was avoiding all along was the fact that i still see her everyday. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You work with her. How can you move on when you see here everyday? You are revisiting the relationship everyday. Don't you work with her pretty closely? Maybe she will leave after this guy leaves. Link to post Share on other sites
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