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You were willing to loose me forever


Souldier1234

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Souldier1234

Hi. I am new to LS and have been reading and learning from other members here and I feel I need to vent. I am 31yr old M and today I am struggling today with the pain of being heart broken. It’s been 1 month since my NC, & don’t get me wrong. I don’t want my ex back and I have broken all contact. I’m just tired of the pain and being heart broken. She did the cowardly thing of leaving out the blue with no reason or closure and ignored me completely. Maybe she found someone new, maybe went back to an ex, maybe justified it to herself that she loved me but was not in love with me. Either way, it doesn’t matter, she was willing to loose me forever. I have been heartbroken four times now. Really? I cannot go on living like this. I have to find a way out. I am planning to leave the country and travel the world for a few years. I feel this is an opportunity that I have since I am not looking to have kids or marry or build a life in one country anymore. I do believe in karma and I do not want to be a liar, a cheater or someone who is in the business of sleeping around & breaking hearts.

 

 

The story that scares me is the divorce of millionaire, Duncan Bannatyne. He got heartbroken and rejected by his wife at the age of 57 years. 57 years old! He lost half his net worth and time. I do not want to be miserable at that age. I find it scary. But I am moving on. I am in the no contact phase with people from my old life. I feel I am gonna start a new life without the complications of people and love. It’s just too messy. I am done dating people who give up too easily. Who are selfish, or think that the grass is greener on the other side. I want to be remembered as strong person. A philanthropist. I really don’t care about having kids or a wife. That chapter of my life died the day my recent ex broke my heart. She is the last person who will ever get that close to me. I am officially shutting down my heart to love. It’s not worth the trouble. I read that time is the most precious commodity in this world because you can never get it back. I don’t want to be building a life with someone and then have it come crashing down because they fell out of love or cheated or were to emotionally inept to figure out that love takes work and commitment and have to rebuild my life again. It’s like people are hell bent on building sand castles near the ocean. REALLY? I don’t want to spend the most precious gift of time on people who don’t value it or you in the process. I am tired of people with short term thinking and people who think with their genitals or can’t tolerate temporary discomfort for the greater good of a relationship.

 

 

I read this book on CBT. (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and it is states that we should realize that Love is desirable and not essential. Romantic relationships can enhance your enjoyment of life, but they are not essential for you to enjoy life. I say this to everyone who has had their heart broken, who felt like they lost their souls mates, best friends and a huge part of themselves in the process. To people married with kids and got divorced the worst way imaginable.

 

 

 

LOVE IS DESIRABLE AND NOT ESSENTIAL.

THEY BROKE UP AND LEFT US BECAUSE THEY WERE WILLING TO LOOSE US FOREVER!

TIME IS YOUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY AND IS NOT RENEWABLE.

THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO GIVE YOUR LIFE PURPOSE, NOT WITH LOVE BUT TIME.

WE ARE MORE THAT WHAT WE APPEAR TO BE!

ALL THE WORLDS STRENGTH AND POWER RESTS INSIDE US!

 

 

Am I making sense or do you think I am talking crap?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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bathtub-row

It makes perfect sense to me because I'm on the same page as you. I have grown sick to death of people who act like children or monsters in relationships and I'm sick of going through heartbreaks. While I have been the one to end the relationships I've been in, I never walked without good reason and without giving the person lots of time to stop their behavior. I simply have zero tolerance for people who abuse me or control me, or whatever else. I don't understand people doing what your ex did -- not giving a person closure or explanation, and especially no chance to make things right. But it happens all the time, unfortunately.

 

I'm so much happier not having to deal with the nonsense anymore. I do what I want and don't need to get someone else's input or judgement about what I choose to do. And the truth is, no one will ever have a chance to hurt me like I've been hurt in the past. I'm not sure I'm capable of falling that deeply in love with anyone again anyway just because relationships are so unstable. Mostly what I see in relationships is either that people leave, or they stay and torture one another. There are so few good marriages out there that I'm amazed the institution survives. And yet it does because people want to believe in the fairy tale. But people and relationships are unreliable and there are no guarantees. It takes most of us a long time to figure that one out. If you get hurt enough times, though, you can't continue to fool yourself.

 

You're not alone in your thinking. Relationships are a huge risk and, as you pointed out, they can ruin you financially at time in your life when you can't re-group easily and make that up. All in all, I've decided that it's just not in the cards for me and that I'd be a fool to continue going down that path. It has proven to be the wrong thing to do over and over for me. I plan to travel, see the world and have fun! Heartbreak is not invited.

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Souldier1234

Thank you so much for your reply Bathtub. For a moment there, I though I was alone and came off bitter. But I have no qualms againt love or people falling in love or people who long for their ex's back in their lives. I do believe in love, its just not for me anymore.

 

I love when you said:

Mostly what I see in relationships is either that people leave, or they stay and torture one another. There are so few good marriages out there that I'm amazed the institution survives. And yet it does because people want to believe in the fairy tale.
I think you hit the nail on the head. There are so few marriages out there that survive. And as blessed or as lucky as those people are to have found one another, I don't think everyone has that luck. Its a cruel world out there, not becasue love is hard to find. love is everywhere and love is simple. People are the one's that mess it up.

Like you said:

But people and relationships are unreliable and there are no guarantees. It takes most of us a long time to figure that one out. If you get hurt enough times, though, you can't continue to fool yourself.
We acknowledge that we are not perfect ourselves. I have made plenty of mistakes in my past. But I have learned to always learn from them. I have always man-ed up whenever I messed up royally, even if it was detrimental to my well-being. We are students of life, and being on sites such as these proves that we are looking to learn and grow up.

 

Hopefully Bathtub, we will one day meet up during our travels around the world one day, and share our adventures instead of heartaches.

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bathtub-row

That would be fun!

 

Where we differ on this issue is that I basically don't believe in love. I just see too many times that people do and say things they don't mean, or they retract what they said. Or, my favorite, once they trap you in marriage, they think you're obligated to put up with the most horrid behavior. I'll never forget what one of my ex's said when I was leaving him -- "Now I'll have to start dating again and pretend who I am." Unbelievable.

 

I once told another ex of mine (who was excessively verbally abusive) that my history with relationships alone should tell him that I will leave if I'm treated badly. But people with these character traits simply cannot help themselves. And the real problem is, there are a lot of unstable people out there with no concept of what a healthy relationship looks like. I often say that our schools miss what I call The Big 3: relationships, money, and raising children. These three topics are the hugest ones in our lives and unless a person gets dedicated and sound instruction from their parents or a happily married rich uncle, they have to make it up as they go along. This simply does not work for most people. It's a big problem - a missing link - in our society.

 

I watch people around me and see how much of love is so ego-based. I do see real love occasionally but I don't believe in it the way a lot people do. It does not move mountains, it does not conquer all, and it often does not change things for the better. It typically just grabs you, breaks you, and won't let go. I see it on this site all day, every day.

 

Even though no one else responded to your post, you'd be amazed at how many people are choosing to remain single. They probably didn't respond because they're too busy out having fun and not mourning some person who emotionally ripped them up. Lol.

 

Hope to run into you someday!

Edited by bathtub-row
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Souldier1234

Lol... look I agree with you Bathtub on a few things. I do agree with you that people do and say things they don't mean, or they retract what they said.

I remember how my recent ex told me (and we even joked by making a pinky promise) that whenever we fight, we will always want to work it out. But the last fight we had, was so silly and stupid because all I was troubled about was that, she was being emotionally distant for the 3rd time in our relationship and she deflected by saying how I was needy. And logically it didn’t make any sense to me that for all the months we were dating, all I was saying was that she was distant and she kept saying that I'm needy. How could I be needy 3 times in all the months together. And she only brought it up whenever I said she was distant. We never fought about anything except this. There were days she would sit at home and not go out and I would ask her why because when we started dating, she was always out. There were nights I never spoke to her, and weekends I would never saw her because I was busy, yet I was accused of being needy because I was fighting to save the relationship. The last thing she said to be before she went all cold and silent was that she knows she can be selfish and she can easily block people out very quickly and I should leave her alone. I was shocked, what happened to the pinky promise girl who promised to work out any fight. Clearly she was looking for a way out. And it goes to prove how you are right that people don’t mean what they say. Her actions spoke louder that her words.

 

But what I find consistent in people is that even in families or in the workplace, people never mean what they say. Hence why in business we have contracts. I can now understand why Mark Zuckerberg and his now wife had a relationship contract while they were dating. To iron out all these petty issues.

 

I am really sorry to hear about you abusive ex’s. And the one who said that he has to pretend now, goes to show how shallow and unequipped some people are when it comes to relationships and commitment.

 

I really am impressed and inspired by your words that:

I often say that our schools miss what I call The Big 3: relationships, money, and raising children. These three topics are the hugest ones in our lives and unless a person gets dedicated and sound instruction from their parents, they have to make it up as they go along. This simply does not work for most people. It's a big problem - a missing link - in our society.
I think this is the most mind blowing and enlightened statement I have read this year. I was always advocated for schools to teach people about money because I read a lot about it and try to educate my friends and family about it. But you are right that we also need basic education about parenting and relationships. So many people are lost. I had to educate myself on those 3 topics because my parents didn’t have the skills (bearing in mind that I don’t have any children of my own, yet I still educated myself on the topic). My parents were worker bees who only taught me to go to school and get a job. Nothing in-between.

 

And you are right that people treat love with so much ego and selfishness. I see it to from all the heart-breaking stories on this site every day. If only more people practised being mindful and understood that love cannot exist where there is ego and selfishness.

 

But I still do believe in love, because for all the other negative emotions to exist, love has to be there. Kinda like there is no light without darkness *hiding my face*. I just know believe that it isn’t for people like you and I.

 

And it gives me hope that there are happy single people out there who choose to be alone then unhappy with someone. I am hoping to join their ranks soon.

And thank you Bathtub for giving me hope, enlightenment, inspiration and a future travel buddy prospect.

Edited by Souldier1234
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bathtub-row

Thank you! Very nice post, Souldier. I don't know how I missed it until today.

 

I can't say I fully don't believe in love, I just don't believe in society's version of it, I suppose. In all the relationships I've been in and walked away from, I never left because I lost my love for them. I left because I loved myself enough to not be mistreated; to not live in misery. I have only been with one guy that I would label as abusive. He was a piece of work. The others were controlling, for the most part, which is a deal breaker for me. And I never left anyone without letting them know exactly what they were doing to drive me away. They knew exactly what to do in order to keep me around. So I could conclude only one of two things: either they wanted me to leave, or they simply couldn't help themselves. Either one of those things left me with only one choice.

 

I think the key thing about The Big 3 being taught in schools is because when people don't know a thing, they can't teach it. Then you end up with a broken society and one that is mostly chaotic, like ours is where relationships are concerned. I think that's true with money and children too actually.

 

I found that once I removed ego from love, it's easier for me to accept that, while I love that person, I don't have to live with them or even be a part of their life. I can't make another person make different choices. Whenever I think about getting involved with someone now, I think about all the work that relationships are and how exhausting they can be. I honestly have a very healthy fear of relationships that I've never had before in my life.

 

Nowadays I think of where I can go next, what fun thing I can do. I've been married, I've raised a kid, and worked hard all my life. Now it's time to have some fun.

 

Maybe you can help. I'm trying to think of a place I can go alone, where I can hike or just wander around and enjoy the sights. I love photography. My first thoughts go to Yosemite, Yellowstone, or somewhere in Europe. If I hike in a national park, I'd probably go with a guide or group. Any ideas?

 

Btw, I really like your username. It's very clever. :)

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I identify with a lot of this thread.

 

I am a hopeless romantic, but I also understand that logically, there is no such thing as a "soulmate" and eventually everything ends. Even if you find the absolute love of your life, one of you will die first (paraphrasing Louis CK here hehe).

 

Anyway I am starting to read into the concept of polyamory. I think it opens up more possibilities for personal satisfaction, growth and enjoyment. Maybe human beings are not meant to be monogamous? Maybe our true peace comes in sharing our love with as many people as possible? (Not to be confused with promiscuity though).

 

I don't know. I have recently gone through a break-up so it might just be one of those random ideas, but to be fair, I am reading into it and finding it fascinating. I secretely admire the people who practice this lifestyle and aren't afraid.

 

I also don't care for marriage, unless it's with someone who shares my views on this kinda thing, someone open minded like that. I want to travel the world (currently doing that) and maybe I'll learn more about what I want as I go on.

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I read this book on CBT. (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and it is states that we should realize that Love is desirable and not essential. Romantic relationships can enhance your enjoyment of life, but they are not essential for you to enjoy life.

 

Oh I love this so much. I need to remember this. Also CBT sounds amazing, I need to find a place to do this kind of therapy soon.

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Souldier1234

Thank you Bathtub for your presence, and thank you on the compliment about my name. I am humbled.

 

There are so many things I would love to share with you. Where do I begin?

 

About love. I sense we have had a distorted view on love and relationships. I do not mean to blame or place judgement on our parents or our education. Just that we knew we were living in the darkness and we were looking to find the light. It is so hard to fight your way out of darkness when you yourself are clouded by darkness. The only way to penetrate the dark is to seek light. I sense, that love for you and I is not in any movie or romantic novel, but in a spiritual realm. I do not want to go into too many specifics about the spiritual realm because the mind will want to label it under religion or nationalism or cultural or personal conditioning, and it is neither. I would rather say that I am looking for a spiritual relationship. A Spiritual Relationship is when the two or more parties involved experience harmony, joy, understanding and peace. With a spiritual relationship the persons involved are connected at the heart. Emotionally they sense the deep connection they have together, and it is felt at their core or heart. A spiritual relationship is one that has a spiritual union felt both physically, mentally and at other levels as well. Both parties feel like their spirits are connected.

For me this speaks volumes over what love can do for me, because the truth is that love is everywhere. It is all around us. It is within us. Why would I need another person to validate or help me feel what I already have in my own heart? This is how the ego makes us believe that love will set us free when the truth is, every day I wake up, whether alone or with someone, I should feel free. In fact, I now am free!

 

 

I feel when it comes to the big 3, the conversation starts with you and I and we should then spread the word. Word of mouth is still a powerful tool in today’s society of social media and “reality” tv. As I said, we are both seeking light and you will be surprised how many people like us are also searching to better themselves with knowing more about money, parenting and relationships. I really feel our society wants to awaken, as we have all been living in the dark for so long and it is maddening to live a lie.

 

I am so moved that you have found out, that with true love, there is no space for the ego to exist. See our ego’s feed of pain, drama, addiction and denial to exist. Most people are so unconscious of there behaviors that they believe their ego when they think that power, mind games and selfishness equates to love. You right that we cannot make another person make different choices. We can only control our actions. But Dear Bathtub, I believe that any kind of fear is unhealthy. You should applaud yourself on how you have evolved consciously as a person and I have a huge amount of respect for you for reaching this level of life experiences and fulfillment. There are so many soul mates and relationships and lives that you will touch in your lifetime that fearing to interact with humanity is to deny one’s own existence. One’s joy. One’s own happiness. I could share with you the tools to walk in the light and break all fear, if you are willing to take the journey with me.

 

As to traveling, I would say start locally, Yosemite and Yellowstone look like excellent places although I have not been there myself. Or perhaps you could travel to places where you have had a bucket list and wish to cross off all the places you have been to on your bucket list. And join group tours. They are always fun to meet new people and share new experiences with.

 

As for me, I am saving for a trip around the world. I am going to take a sabbatical and go for a full year, so I am saving up hard and working my investments so I can reach my target budget and set sailing or flying across the globe.

 

And thank you for your posts, they always bring sunshine and value to me. To us all.

Edited by Souldier1234
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I could share with you the tools to walk in the light and break all fear, if you are willing to take the journey with me.

 

I'm sure we'd all appreciate if you kept sharing your knowledge with us. You sound very wise for your age and that trip around the world will only strengthen that.

 

Thanks for your enlightening posts.

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Souldier1234
I identify with a lot of this thread.

 

I am a hopeless romantic, but I also understand that logically, there is no such thing as a "soulmate" and eventually everything ends. Even if you find the absolute love of your life, one of you will die first (paraphrasing Louis CK here hehe).

 

Anyway I am starting to read into the concept of polyamory. I think it opens up more possibilities for personal satisfaction, growth and enjoyment. Maybe human beings are not meant to be monogamous? Maybe our true peace comes in sharing our love with as many people as possible? (Not to be confused with promiscuity though).

 

I don't know. I have recently gone through a break-up so it might just be one of those random ideas, but to be fair, I am reading into it and finding it fascinating. I secretely admire the people who practice this lifestyle and aren't afraid.

 

I also don't care for marriage, unless it's with someone who shares my views on this kinda thing, someone open minded like that. I want to travel the world (currently doing that) and maybe I'll learn more about what I want as I go on.

 

Dear one, I sense you are smart and a deeply loving person. These are some of the many qualities that live in us all. But some choose to ignore these qualities or deny their inner Beings existence and choose to live in their ego and stay looking for happiness outside of themselves. I always say, why not find qualities in other people that mirror your qualities. The people who will have these qualities are your soul mates. And yes, I do believe they exist. But there is more than one. And some soul mates relationships are not physical. Some could be best friends or family members. This should help clarify all your thoughts on polygamy and promiscuity.

 

I am sorry to hear that you went through a tough break up, but I sense you have already started to unfold the lessons that came with it as I have read your threads. Trinity, you are for more enlightened then what you choose to believe. the way you handled that situation proves it to me. I take pride in the way you choose to protect you self respect and self love and stayed your authentic self in all your dealings with your ex.

 

I say do not secretly admire us, as you are already one of us, whether you are single or in a relationship. We are merely seekers of truth and light and just want to cut out the madness in our situational lives. Whether you are single or married with 10 kids. There is an answer to all your questions, there is peace, there is love, there is understanding, but it starts now. In the present. You wont find it in the future because that would be to late.

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Souldier1234
I'm sure we'd all appreciate if you kept sharing your knowledge with us. You sound very wise for your age and that trip around the world will only strengthen that.

 

Thanks for your enlightening posts.

 

Thank you for the kind words Keiji. I am honored & humbled kind sir.

 

Though I may be merely but an ordinary student of life, I am still eager & willing to share any and all knowledge I have acquired, and I encourage you to do the same. Ask and it shall be given.

 

I do not have much to share at this moment but I will leave you with this, once you start growing from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other better teacher but your own soul.

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bathtub-row

Great post, soul friend! I'll write more later. I'm a little under the weather today.

 

Wow! A year around the world. I'm speechless. :)

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bathtub-row

You make a good point about fears being unhealthy. Although I think it has been necessary for me to throttle back from relationships for awhile. I don't know if I'll ever be open to marriage again -- pretty sure I won't be -- but maybe I'll at least lose my fear. I don't know.

 

I have had a couple of those spiritual type connections you spoke of and, believe it or not, they're the reason for my cynicism toward love. It's not the controllers and abusers that have ripped up my soul. It's the ones that I put my heart and soul into. The soulful love, friendship, and connection that I believed no earthly power could shake. But shake, it did. And I'm left not knowing what to believe in anymore. Life has taught me that those unearthly connections don't amount to anything much more than over-the-top, grand heartbreak. The only thing I do know is that I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again. That's the sure thing in my life -- avoiding having my jugular ripped out again.

 

Anyway, for my solo trip, I'm now seriously considering driving to San Francisco and then heading over to Yosemite. I've always wanted to go to both places.

 

When are you hoping to go on your world trip? It sounds so great!

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Souldier1234

Dear bathtub my soul friend.

I have read carefully and sensed the following. You stated:

And I'm left not knowing what to believe in anymore.
Confusion or the moment of not knowing is a great place to awaken and grow your spiritual growth. It is were lessons and learning begins. I have always said that experience is the worst kind of teacher, because it gives the test before the lesson. Alot of us on LS have experienced way too much. Never seeing the lessons, life gives us. Believe when I say, it took me 4 deep, dark, soul crushing heartbreaks to finally awaken. I do not find pleasure in all the abuse and mental turmoil I experienced, but it had to happen to lead me here. To lead me closer to myself, to stop thinking about life and starting knowing life. Experiencing a place of being one with my Being.

 

Please do not think I am not taking your healthy or unhealthy fear serious, it is important, but not as important as we think. I would rather have us focus on the pain, for it is the pain of loss or the pain of unhappiness, and/or the pain of being unfulfilled that brings us all here.

 

At one point or another, we are all love addicts. Some have been disguising there pain through being love a "avoidant".

What is a love addict?

Love addiction is when people become addicted to the feeling of being in love. They generally have unfulfilled emotional needs that they seek to satisfy with romance or relationships. Unfortunately they tend to form relationships with individuals who are love avoidant.

What is a love avoidant?

Love avoidance is the systematic putting up of walls in a relationship to prevent feeling emotionally overwhelmed by another person. Consequently, it prevents true intimacy. It can be described as a form of emotional anorexia. The love avoidant perceives love as being an obligation or duty, so relationships are experienced as an emotional drain. The love avoidant tends to become involved with love addicts, and puts up walls to decrease the intensity within the relationship. However, the more the avoidant distances, the more the love addict pursues. The avoidant often responds by a pattern of deprivation within the primary relationship, while acting in ways that create intensity outside of that relationship (e.g., work, pursuing other relationships or sexual encounters, addictions, etc.).

 

I say this without judgement, but being one or the other, keeps you in a dark pattern that is highly dysfunctional. The soul connections we might have experienced you and I, were glimpses of what a fulfilled soul connection is or feels like. But we were not aware of how unconscious we were at the time.

 

Every addiction comes from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to - alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person - we are using something or somebody to cover up our pain. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain or unhappiness. They BRING OUT the pain and unhappiness that is already in you. Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever.

 

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than three years on a desert island or shut away in your room.

 

Do not think about these words, but close your eyes and feel it inside you, look deep and tell me if you know what I am talking about. If you know it to be true or not.

But keep in mind, it is not my place to give you answers. You know your own answers to your own questions. This is your purpose. Your journey. I am but a humble student of life. I can refer to you teachings, books, blogs, people I have spoken to over the years, but those will only guide but not give you what you are searching for.

 

In summary, I sense we are looking for enlightened relationships. Relationships with out suffering. Whether it is a loving caring and peaceful relationship with yourself. Or with another conscious person, who will support us and help co-create with us a love that does not judge, but accepts us as is. We will find our salvation. But salvation/fulfillment/happiness does not start by looking outside of ourselves. It starts within.

 

By the way, I am super happy to hear about your San Francisco trip and Yosemite. I truly believe you deserve it. And I believe you will have many more such exciting trips.

 

I am only going on my trip around the world in a few months time. I am still working on selling some of my business investments, and starting a few that will sustain me while I travel. The funny thing is, I was gonna surprise my last ex with this trip(before we got broken up), but I guess she missed out on an adventure most people would kill for. I guess this is what happens when you stop seeing people's real value. But I have forgiven her, and wish her many blessings and happiness in her life. And I would like to thank her, wherever she is, for making me wake up and realize the greatness that is within me. Now, I can share my happiness with the world. *Big smile and a wink*

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Make sure to drop me a line if your trip brings you to Barcelona. It would be nice to hook up.

 

And thanks again for your beautiful postings.

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Souldier1234

I will most definitely drop you a line Keiji. I cant wait to experience Barcelona with all its beauty. I will have to get your details via private message, though I do not have access to that yet.

 

But thank you for sharing you insights and time with me. I'm greatly humbled and look forward to meeting you in my travels.

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Souldier, your story breaks my heart - you sound like such a great guy.

 

You and others have talked about those who leave too early or who don't stay and work through problems. Yet at the same time, you were staying with a girl who had one foot out the door.

 

There is a lot to be said for picking up on warning signs and getting yourself out the door. Very often, the grass IS greener. If someone says that you're being needy, then it's a clear sign that the relationship isn't meeting your needs - this is a sign that it's wrong for you. Never, ever stay with someone in the hope they will change - you must judge them on who they are right now.

 

Lastly, time spent with a ex partner is never time lost. I'm sure there were some great games to remember....and the bad times are learning experiences.

 

Good luck to you

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Souldier,

Thank you for posting your messages. I can relate to so much of your pain.

It feels like nothing short of evil and ugly just thinking about how you can love someone with every inch of your heart and with everything you have in you and how it can all go to waste like it was a cruel meaningless joke. And after your trust and faith have been destroyed all that's left behind is just a massive pile of caustic ash.

 

I am nowhere close to where you are in terms of finding peace. I am in a very painfully restless place now; I know everything you wrote makes sense on an intellectual level (about finding peace from within); I am listening to and reading things with that same message (meditation, mindfulness etc), but finding it absolutely impossible to transfer the ideas to practice.

 

I wish the best of the best of wishes in your travels and in your journeys. At the back of my mind I too have that dream for "someday". Someday maybe I can run away from where I am and escape to travel to places with the hope of getting in touch with myself.

 

I hope you continue to post on this site, as I can so deeply relate to your sense of loss.

 

Bathtub, I have been to both Yosemite and Yellowstone. While both are absolutely amazing, they are also CROWDED with people. They are both "tourist"-drowned "attractions". I feel no desire to go travel to those two places again simply because it's impossible to actually just be in nature when you are surrounded by thousands of people with their tourist cameras and non-stop chitter-chatter and party type mentality. Call me biased, but as soon as I was out of the major park area into the least crowded areas, I could truly taste the nature.

 

It was a beautiful irony that once all the noise was out, in the absolute silence I could then hear all the peaceful quiet natural sounds that filled the air.

 

The possibilities are endless if you take the back-roads in just about any of the states (Montana, Colorado, Idaho, Oregon…you get the idea…). The landscape is healing, truly healing.

 

On a final note to both of you,

you may want to watch the movie "The Way". It's melancholic, but inspirational. (Without spoiling…it has something to do with loss, pain, traveling and finding a new way).

 

And to both of you, I hope you continue posting, your experiences and thoughts as I relate to those much much more than "instant" solutions out of a life's vending machines.

 

And I hope to join you both someday in traveling.

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bathtub-row

Hi, burnt. I can totally relate to what you're saying about the crowds. Did you ever notice that in all the advertising photos of those parks, there's not a soul around? Haha. I was actually thinking of going in the fall in the hopes of there being far less tourists. What do you think? Either way, I'll get away from the crowds. I would have to. There is nothing so healing as being alone with nature.

 

I have many travels ahead of me and one of my favorite things is going off the beaten path. I'm looking forward to all of it. I'll definitely keep your recommendations in mind.

 

Btw, what's your story? What has caused your heartache? If you don't mind me asking.

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Souldier1234
Souldier, your story breaks my heart - you sound like such a great guy.

 

You and others have talked about those who leave too early or who don't stay and work through problems. Yet at the same time, you were staying with a girl who had one foot out the door.

 

There is a lot to be said for picking up on warning signs and getting yourself out the door. Very often, the grass IS greener. If someone says that you're being needy, then it's a clear sign that the relationship isn't meeting your needs - this is a sign that it's wrong for you. Never, ever stay with someone in the hope they will change - you must judge them on who they are right now.

 

Lastly, time spent with a ex partner is never time lost. I'm sure there were some great games to remember....and the bad times are learning experiences.

 

Good luck to you

 

Dear Basil.

Thank you so much for you kindness. I sense you are an understanding and compassionate person. I believe those qualities will get you further in your life’s journey. Kindly never loose that.

 

You are correct in saying that:

If someone says that you're being needy, then it's a clear sign that the relationship isn't meeting your needs - this is a sign that it's wrong for you.

I believe I was still living in darkness, thinking that I was aware of my actions and emotions. But I wasn’t. It has come to light that I clearly did not have the tools to be conscious and see myself falling from grace. I believe I forgot who I was and became a love addict, seeking happiness outside myself. And the biggest lesson I think was learning to let go and finding self love again.

 

Honestly, I believe this was a blessing, in my lesson. Yes the grass is greener, but not in ways we think. Instead of moving from one green patch to the next, leaving dirt patches in past relationships. Why not create your own “Garden of Eden”, and do a whole lot of landscaping and be one with your nature. Or better yet, find a partner who mirrors you qualities and co-create the best Garden ever existed.

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Souldier1234

Dear Burnt

I feel your posts bring out so much understanding in me about you and I don’t even know you, personally.

 

I read your older posts and the one that caught my attention was the one about you wishing to be alone. And if I may quote a small part:

Driving back home yesterday, saw the sunset, the magnificent glowing orange sky behind the bare trees. I felt a sense of freedom in being able to look at that sight alone, with my mind wandering, just thinking of the one I am still in love with, but can't be with. It was sad, but peaceful and quiet in my mind, just for a short while. I felt a sense of calmness--there was no joy, but there was a beauty to the way I felt. Wishing he could see what I was seeing right at that moment. Wishing I could tell him what I was feeling.

There was no voice inside me screaming "run". It was just a quiet thought saying "stay in this moment".

 

That's all it was.

Simple. Beautiful. Liberating.

A little escape for a little while.

You amaze me when you say, you not close to finding peace yet you have been feeling it all along. I know that it might have been a small glimpse in time for you, but you know how to find it. They say, once you stop looking for peace that is when you find it.

 

And I don’t how psychological or spiritual you are, but things like meditation, mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy, or just therapy and all self-help teachings are daily practices. Most people, would rather skip, working on themselves, choose to live in their heads where their Ego’s are. Stay selfish, stay in dysfunctional addictive relationships and behaviors, and separate themselves from the world, instead of waking up and realizing that everything is connected. Peace, happiness and salvation is everywhere. It’s in our Beings. It is even in this post, and the next. Why must we continue living in suffering?

 

On a lighter note. I would like to say, how I like, how you express yourself, shows how intelligent you are and creative at the same time. Those are one of the small, but many things I think we can all pick up. So I am sure there is more to you than your posts, and I can understand why Bathtub and I would like to you hear your story. As you know, we do not judge but accept people as they are.

 

There are so many insightful things I would like to share with you, but I am not certain if you would like to share those experiences with us.

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Thank you to all who have contributed to this thread. It has helped me so mucH to read. I never knew about love addicted and love avoidant personalities but it describes my last relationship to the letter. I will ponder and try to absorb the idea that the purpose of life is to give life purpose.

 

To bathtub row, any place to hike is good place for me. Just get lost away from the crowds if that's your goal. For me, September in the Swiss German alps is the best. You can hike trek from hut to hut and only see a few people per day if you go deep.

 

 

LOVE IS DESIRABLE AND NOT ESSENTIAL.

THEY BROKE UP AND LEFT US BECAUSE THEY WERE WILLING TO LOOSE US FOREVER!

TIME IS YOUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY AND IS NOT RENEWABLE.

THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO GIVE YOUR LIFE PURPOSE, NOT WITH LOVE BUT TIME.

WE ARE MORE THAT WHAT WE APPEAR TO BE!

ALL THE WORLDS STRENGTH AND POWER RESTS INSIDE US!

 

 

Am I making sense or do you think I am talking crap?

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