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Long term relationship breakup & situation afterwards help!


Blackout23

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Alright guys, its been very hard for me lately. Me and my ex-girlfriend was together for 5 years almost, and we just recently broke-up (about 4 1/2 months). We started seeing each other when I was 15 and she was 14 during High School. Now I am turning 21 and she is turning 20. :(

 

One of the reason(s) we broke up was because I guess things weren't really working out ( we are in college now ) we have different goals and different ways of ideas of achieving them. She is a straight A student and well I'm a A B C D student you know? She studies hard for her grades and me well, I don't study but I somehow manage and she doesn't agree with this. She claims I do not work hard for it but I still get it and that just isn't fair. But its like so what? right?

 

Another issue would be because of our past, she keeps on bringing it up. Btw: this was 3years ago, there was this very attrative girl who had the hots for me and she kept on hitting on me and trying to hang out with me but then I wasn't interest in her I was interested in my girlfriend ya know? But some how I get blamed for this... I didn't cheat on her nor anything. I am always very faithfull and loyal to her.

 

I mean I can go on forever about the stupid stuff that occurs. I wasn't a saint myself either, I mean I would get jealous over stupid things, even when they were clearly no threat to me but I don't know it just happens. Basicly it rolls down to my jealousy and me being angry at retarded things.

 

 

Anyway right after our breakup we still hanged out, talked on the phone and online but less. But yet we remained friends. So a month or so passed she went away for 3 weeks vacation and when she came back we were still friends. We still hanged out and talked etc. But recently we started to hang out less talked less and everything is just dieing down but we still kept in contact everyday. But I felt more free like I felt I was actually moving on. But the other night we were talking she told me she was going to a club with her friends (same night she told me was the same night she was going) at first I was like .... but then I was cool with it sorta. Of course i didn't say to her it wasn't cool because we were not together anymore. Anyway later on I found out the theme of that night for the club and I was so totally hurt. I felt like .... omg kinda way it hurted me so much...(yea, I talked to my friends about this but and they said well she going w/ her friends shouldn't have to worry too much... still wtf, ya know?) I mean ever since we broke up I haven't been to no parties or clubs this was her 2nd time already.

 

I thought I really moved on until this, even the first time she went to the club it wasn't that bad (even tho she didn't tell me, my friend saw her in there and he told me, I confronted her about it btw and she goes it was a last moment thing. It hurted but not as bad.) This time is so painfull all the feelings came back right away. So the next day it was literally ripping me apart like questions like these popped up: what went on in there? etc. I mean I don't know I'm so confused.

I just couldn't take it anymore like I didn't think I can handle being her friend. So I told her we couldn't be friends anymore ( like hangout talk etc.) And that I wanted this to be our final good bye. She said to me "If this is going to make you happy" I replied " yes, this is only way I can move on". Then I said " I hope you understand" and "bye". She didn't respond with a 'bye' or anything.

 

I mean I just didn't do this all of a sudden I thought it thru before actually deciding not to be friends anymore it was a really really hard choice to make but I didn't think I can handle her telling me about her partyin at some clubs or like if she met a new guy or something.

 

My questions to you guys did I do the right thing by ending our friendship? And maybe even destroying of all hopes of us being together again. please help I don't know what I am doing.

 

I want to thank you guys in advance for reading all my bullcrap and replying.

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If you think you did the right thing for yourself and your own piece of mind. Then I

say yes you did the right thing. And who knows what the future may hold. Time heals..

So take care of yourself right now , your still young, you have a lot of time...

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Its a lose lose situtation.

 

If your friends with them then you hear about the guys she hooks up with and any potential new boyfriends. The temptation is always there and well you just can't have her. So its bad

 

If your not friends then you get curious and want to find out whats happening. You also have to deal with the hypothetical stuff. "What if she's doing ....." etc.

 

The latter is the easiest to deal with. I've cut all ties with my ex girlfriend and I know that maybe in another 6 months we'll be ready to talk again once the both of us have moved on and the initial raw emotion after the split has gone.

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Thanks for replying guys, well so far its been NC for a day and I keep on looking at my buddylist because she is on... ( I moved her to the bottom so I don't see her ) my question is should I completely delete her from my buddylist? Or just block her? Last time I blocked her she bitched at me for blocking her but it was purely by accident. But that was before my talk with her about not talking nor seeing each other anymore. Would blocking her be the best way to get thru this NC ? And you know whats worst? I keep on checking my cell phone to see if she is online... and its only been 1 day of NC....god this is hard....

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I'm feeling so weak, I feel like I should contact her and tell her that I don't want to break our friendship. But its so hard to bare with the pain that it comes with. I don't know what to do... its only been the 3rd day and my mind is bouncing off the walls. But if I do break the NC then I don't know what will happen and I know I will be going thru the pain again over and over if she do something like go on a date w/ someone or go clubbing w/ her friends again... I duno i feel like...im just so confused....

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If it were me, I would delete her. Putting the temptation there is just putting more stress on yourself than you need. In high school I was totally in love with my best friend for like 3 years, but he didn't feel the same way about me. I always felt tortured because he would always tell me about his girlfriends and everything, which is understandable since we were friends, but it always killed me. The only way I really finally got over him was by not being his friend anymore. I know it's really hard, and the first few weeks will definitely be the hardest, but sooner or later you'll start to move on and you'll think about her less and less. I have to admit that I still miss that guy sometimes because we were such good friends, but I don't think I would have ever been able to move on had I not stopped talking to him. We do still talk very rarely, mostly just to catch up on what's going on in our lives, and I can honestly say that I never think about him like that anymore and I'm just able to be happy for him and everything that's going on in his life. I would start to try finding some new friends and new girls to hang out with. You're still very young and you will definitely be okay in the long run. Don't miss out, you're only 21 once! Good luck!

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thanks for your fast reply :) that gave me enough strength to resist from contacting her... for now...how can someone love you so much just turn away? i don't understand that...how can someone u gave everything to just act like it was nothing... wtf, i don't even understand this wat so ever...but whatevers i guess..

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I'm sorry I let all you guys down... I broke down and broke NC.. she did something just to get back at me and I had to contact her and I broke down...and **** jus gettin worst and more worst I don't even think after we get back together we can fix this....sigh.. thanks for trying anyway guys...

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lostandlonely

You havent let anyone down.

 

NC is hard and most of us have lapses, all you can do is chalk it up to experience and start again. I know its hard from personal experience: i'm a month into nc after a 4 and half year relationship and tomorrow im going to get my stuff back, so i cant really talk :) . But it will get easier with time. I honestly think that nc is the way forward, you both need time to decide what you want. Its not about giving her space, its about giving yourself the space that YOU need. This is for you, and it will get easier eventually. She was a big part of your life, and maybe she can be in the future, but right now you're both hurting. You need the space from her to help you.

 

Tough i know, but what doesnt kill us can only make us stronger.

 

Good luck

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