Fresh start tomorrow [UPDATE]

[sorano]

Hello all. New member here.

 

Three weeks ago my gf of 7 months just broke it off. It does not seem like a long time, but, those 7 months really meant a lot to me and a lot was said. I honestly thought, and so did my family, that we were going to get married. Everybody was saying how we were great together, when's the wedding, etc etc. All that good stuff. she is the one who started with that talk. Got my hopes up and she just left.

 

I guess it wasn't meant to be. The story is kind of complex I guess. Im sure a lot of these stories are complex. People say the wrong things, over react, etc.

 

I just can't believe how fast someone can change there mind. I know time erases and heals. This is the worst pain I have ever felt. Getting dumped is hard. At times I can't eat or sleep. I just think about her. I hope it will get better. I pray every night. I'm sure some of you went down this road. sorry for the rant

[angel.eyes]

Everyone will go down the breakup road at some point. Just know that it does get better, even though it may not seem that way right now. At some point, she'll no longer matter to you.

 

In the meanwhile, try to stay busy. Hang out with your friends. Hit the gym. Take up a new hobby. Volunteer. Helping others is an amazing way to get your mind away from self-pity and personal loss. It really refocuses your attention and helps you appreciate how much you actually have.

[sorano]

yea I am just waiting for some nice weather so I can start my hobbies again. I was a bodybuilder, so, I may get back into that. start getting back in shape.

 

It really is tough. she took me for a ride, lied, and got my hopes up.

[safir]

yea I am just waiting for some nice weather so I can start my hobbies again. I was a bodybuilder, so, I may get back into that. start getting back in shape.

 

It really is tough. she took me for a ride, lied, and got my hopes up.

 

I've been through a similar things, we weren't supposed to get married or sth but all of my friends loved him and everyone thought how great we were, and everyone saw that how loving and caring he was to me. However yesterday he just broke up with me and I am going through the same feelings as you do.

 

We both cannot put people who hurt us on pedestal. It is hard but we will survive. It is normal to desire to being back with them, and many people get back together but the thing is that we both need to heal ourselves and let go of our pain. Allow your self to grieve and mourn, if you try to supress those feelings trust me they always come back worse! And also exercise, it releases endorphins and it is also a great way to gain our self-confidence as well.

[Frank13]

 

I just can't believe how fast someone can change there mind.

 

This is why I don't even bother with relationships anymore. It is such a random thing much more likely to end than to last.

[sorano]

Yea its crazy. I feel like I don't even want to start another relationship anymore. Is it worth going through this again?

 

There is still a feeling of no closure so to say. I just have no idea how they can say I want to be with you, I'm happy, show you rings, what her favorite wedding dress is, then not care. Its really mind blowing.

 

I am doing a little better. But there are days that I relapse and start to get depressed again.

[theredpill]

Damn right it's worth carrying on, we've all had that feeling "He/She was the one (or the best one yet)...." and it f'kin sucks when it ends, but they really weren't and when you meet someone even better, and, you will if you keep at it, you'll be thinking back on these days wondering what the feck was going on in your head, why you put up with their BS for longer than you should and it'll make you smile.

 

 

I'm the kinda guy in my close circle of friends who is usually a bit more together, with a wide varied bunch of friends and acquaintances over the years to help enlighten my experience and even I get it so terribly wrong at times.

 

 

I've noticed underneath my calm exterior during breakups when friends say "You're handling this really well" on the inside I'm torn to bits and the internal dialogue usually goes like this "f##k, f##k, f##k and f##k..." and that energy needs to be channelled into something such as weights, running, hobbies, getting out, fun with mates or in my case cars and house renovation. Don't stay in, stay busy and you'll do just fine - trust us

 

 

I'm clearly nuts, so at your own risk - don't give up!

[sorano]

Thanks man. Those were great words. I really do hope that I will see the light at the end of this dark horrible tunnel.

 

I try to stay strong. But I relapse time to time. Promises broken, lied to me and my family, and she even told me time and time again that she was happy and wanted to be with me. In a blink of an eye, gone. I am still in shock.

 

My buddies and I back in high school, years ago, did come up with the 180 theory for women. Learned guys do it as well. It seems to be still going around. never left.

[sorano]

well ladies and gentleman. Some know its only been 5 weeks since my girl friend dumped me. some days I am ok, others I just feel depressed and sad. I still miss my love.

 

My friends told me try to get back into dating, and see if anyone you meet may break the spell. They said, you never know who will come in your life and change it for the better. so I made a profile on match. Browsed around and sent a few messages. so I started talking to this really cute girl. old school, italian, right up my ally. spoke on the phone, text, it all went well. I tried very hard to push my ex out of the picture and start fresh with a new set of eyes.

 

well, I just got back from my first date. we went for coffee. Driving to the destination, I felt sick. It just felt wrong. It was as if I WAS CHEATING!!!. That is what it felt like. The drive there was just a blur and I felt cold. All I could think of was going out to get coffee with my ex. she was on my mind the whole drive there. Every single one of our dates played back in my mind. Our first date also played back in my mind. Boy did I feel like crap. I wasn't going to back out. I had to meet her.

 

we met, said hi, spoke. It all went well. she was very nice, fun to talk to, and pretty. It was not the same. I am sitting there talking and saying to myself, this just doesn't feel right. Its not my girl. My gf is missing from this picture. We said good night and kissed on the cheek.

 

The drive home, I was crying. I could not stop crying. Once again, the first time I met my girl, that day, played back in my head. It was just perfect how we met. I remember when I met my ex, she was standing there, looking like a princess. I said to myself, this is the most beautiful girl in the world.

 

I have no idea what to do. No idea how long this will take. I just feel I will never meet a woman like my ex again. even though she dumped me, and people say well why would you want to be with a woman who doesn't want you, I just feel sad, lost, and alone.

 

I am still in alittle bit of tears writing this. I just don't know if I will find that perfect person. I don't know if I can go above and beyond again. I just don't know.

 

Before I met my ex, I was dating 3 different women. She was the fourth. Out of all four, I picked her. I just fell in love with her. Everything felt perfect. Now shes gone. Im hurt. and just had a very bad night after I left the date tonight.

[Raina314]

5 weeks is indeed a bit soon, yeah. Your friends had their hearts in the right places, but when you really loved someone, it definitely takes more than 5 weeks to get over. I feel the same way you do now when I even think about going on a date with someone who's not my ex.

I know it's really frustrating to feel like you have to wait around not doing anything until you're "okay" again and open to seeing other people and people are always telling you to branch out of your comfort zone etc, but sometimes you just have to be by yourself for a while and feel the pain of the breakup without trying to fill the gap. Because right now, no one will be able to. You had a lot of love for your ex, and right now you can't love anyone you just met as much as you loved her. Until you get used to being single, dates with new girls won't live up to the depth of your last relationship.

 

I wish I knew when this feeling stops, but I'm in the same boat. Just don't put pressure on yourself right now. I think that's probably the best way to cope and not feel like you're cheating.

[Murek]

My friend 5 weeks isn't enough for you clearly, is this also your first serious heartbreak ( just curious )?

 

Look let me be blunt with you, She left you whatever reasoning behind it you need to come to terms with it (obvs easier said than done).

 

The first thing you need to do is stop dating, stop searching and focus on yourself. Why, all you're doing is comparing your emotional connection and what you had with your previous partner to this new person - its unfair for both parties and will only cause you pain; so stop.

 

Secondly, I feel you - Your sadness will only stop when you come to terms with this situation, you cannot let this breakup define you as a person either. You need to decide that enough is enough, if she cannot see my worth then it is HER loss. If someone cannot realise what you bring to the table they are not worth the breath to worry over (again easier said than done)

 

Thirdly, be patient. Someone will come along and show you the world and give you more. Be open to love again, fall head over heels again, trust another all comes with time. Do not let this past flame make you bitter and cold.

 

What helped me through out my breakup was the fact that I realised this was not who I was before, I was determined not to let this breakup define who I am as a person. I went ghost on her - Deactivated facebook, perma invisible on skype etc.

 

It'll be a wild and wacky roller-coaster of getting ****ed for awhile, its not easy - its hard. Immerse yourself into an activity use this time to better yourself, read books become a massive drug king, punch out old man tyson.

You're not alone, you have friends, family and good ol' love shack.

 

Realise it is better to have loved than to have never loved at all.

[sorano]

Thanks all. I have had other gf's in the past, but this relationship really meant a lot. I am older, wanted to start a family, and start a new chapter in my life. she spoke about all those things. so I went above and beyond for this girl. More than the others. she just left for whatever reasons. Its still mind blowing.

 

I try to keep myself occupied. It's not easy. But last night, did confirm I am not ready. At least I tried. This just really sucks and its very painful.

[sorano]

Let me explain why this relationship really meant a lot. yes the love at first site happened to me with this girl. It was just a perfect setting and place on how we met. I loved our first meet and date. Again it was perfect!

 

She told me, that her old boy friends cheated on her, one hit her, and just had terrible luck. she would cry when talking about them. I came along, and said that I was an amazing man. I treated her like a princess.

 

she also told me that the word girl friend, bothered her. That word brought her back bad memories. so I never encountered anything like this before. I was like wtf? so I said to myself, how can I take this to the next step without being someones bf? It was weird for me. so I stuck with her and showed her that I was worth it and was a better man than the rest of her ex's. I would treat her right.

 

Meeting her parents was also tough. Again, bc of her ex's. It was a very very big deal to meet her parents. I remember her mother told her, so when are we going to meet him??.

 

Fast forward, I actually became her bf, she wasn;t scared of that term anymore bc she saw who I was, and I met her parents. Knowing how huge of a deal these two things were, and her talking about marriage, I said to myself.............IM IN!

 

Then she did a 180, said she wasn;t happy and left. mind = blown.

[Raina314]

I completely understand why all of that makes it so hard to move past. Especially the getting older and being ready to settle down part. After going through a number of failed relationships when you finally find yourself in one that seems to be working, all you can think is "yes, I've finally done it, this is what I've waited for" and it hurts like crazy to have that all snatched away. You feel like you've already suffered and worked and now you've finally gotten your "reward" from life and to lose it feels like the most unfair thing in the world. In a way, it is.

 

That said, your girl's history with abusive guys may be part of the reason she did this. People who are attracted to abusive types often have deeper underlying problems that attract them to those kinds of people. In her twisted way, it might not have felt "right" that she had someone so committed and kind. There are a million ways abuse can manifest itself into poor handling of later relationships. It takes a lot more than a wonderful guy to fix someone in that state of mind unfortunately. But know that it probably wasn't anything you did. I know that doesn't help much right now, but you should feel good on some level that you did do your best and this isn't your fault.

[sorano]

Thanks

 

I tried to figure out what went wrong but gave up. No reason to. I want to move on but it's so tough. It seems that I hit a plateau and not getting better. I hate this

[whichwayisup]

Just spend time with your buddies, try to laugh *really laugh* daily about stupid stuff, allow yourself to feel the pain when it hits you so can grieve the loss. Of course some days will be better than others, but you will feel better as the months roll on. Join a gym or do a sport just to get physically tired, it'll help you sleep at night. If you find your mind drifting to your ex, fall asleep with the tv on or music.

 

Don't date until you feel totally ready.

[Raina314]

 

I tried to figure out what went wrong but gave up. No reason to. I want to move on but it's so tough. It seems that I hit a plateau and not getting better. I hate this

 

I definitely get the plateau feeling. It's like, you feel better than you did on day 1 and can go out and function, which is good, but nothing makes you happy on the inside. Regardless of how much you tell yourself it's best to move on and NC will help and all that, ultimately all you really want is for them to come back and say they're sorry and that they miss you. I have no idea how to get past that. Maybe all we can really do is wait :/.

[TunaInTheBrine]

I agree with everyone who said that taking time to grieve is important. Give yourself permission to feel whatever feelings you are having in each moment, admit to yourself that it sucks and you don't like it, and accept that moment as it is. Keep trying to take good care of yourself (healthy diet, sleep, exercise, avoid substances if possible, see friends and family). Things should feel easier with time. Some days will feel like you are grieving harder again. That is normal. Overall, it should keep getting better. If it doesn't get better at all or gets worse, consider seeing a therapist. I think you'll be alright with time and that this date last night was too much too soon. Hang in there.

[sorano]

so its been very rough lately. Lots of thinking, going backwards, crying, you name it.

 

But tomorrow, I will have to start making changes. I will be working out again after 7 months of stopping. Torn shoulder labrum, was dating that bitch, and life in general. But I will start again. Just to get back into alittle bit of shape. cant bodybuild anymore bc of the shoulder.

 

I am going to start wearing my dress clothes more often. suite and tie, slacks, my nice shoes, just dressing better.

 

I am going to take my mustang out of the garage, wax it, and bring it back out.

 

I am going to fix my diet again, go see my vitamin doctor, take whatever vitamins my body is lacking and fix my hormone deficiency if there low as well. New man.

 

I am going to be positive. will there be tough days, yes. Just like these past few weeks where I relapsed. I can't let these emotions or HER WIN. I must better myself. Heck I may even look for a new job to make more money.

 

I just have to tell myself, I got this and can do it. She thinks she won. No. I won. I dodged a bullet and come to think of it, its a blessing. I was a good man and a damn good boy friend to her. wait until she starts to meet those guys again who she warned me about and started crying bc how bad they treated her. Or, she may find someone and marry. Feel sorry for that man. That will be his problem in the future to deal with. She may regret breaking up with me or not. But in the end, to me, she will always be fake. counterfeit. The gum that is stuck underneath my shoes is worth more than her.

 

I will not let this bring me down anymore.

[Emaize3]

Wow. I'm so down today! I need to do what you're doing. Just wish I could see my ex the way you see yours. That would help.

[Raina314]

Good for you . That's awesome. Makes me feel rather inspired myself .

[sorano]

Wow. I'm so down today! I need to do what you're doing. Just wish I could see my ex the way you see yours. That would help.

 

I was down today too. I cried going to the stupid shopping center because the jewelry store my ex took me was in that plaza. I forgot. I was in tears and broke down. Yesterday I was drinking at the bar alone. But I can't let this **** keep me down.

 

she chewed me up and spit me out. Lied, dragged me along like a little freakin puppy. And me, the jack ass that kept saying, yes yes yes! Anything for you honey!! Your my princess! F THAT. Time to step it up and go alpha again. No more.

 

Dumbass girl even said, " oh that was me living in a fairy tale, I finally woke up and came back to reality." You low life piece of crap. so all those things you told me about family, how I meant a lot to you, how we were a good couple, were all "fairy tales"? Heartless human being low life sac of S. I will pray for her contaminated soul and say a few hail marys. someone needs to perform an exorcism on HER ASS. May she suffer. I don't care whatever people believe in. Just know something greater and more powerful than us exists and karma is the biggest bitch out there. The universe has its ways. when that **** comes back, it may not be today, tomorrow, 10 years from now or have anything to do with relationships. That bitch will bite you in the ass, and I will be there laughing my ass off. No remorse.

 

I am not going to let this drag me down anymore. And everyone of you that got hurt and is facing the same thing? You are all better than the piece crap who just made your life a living hell. YOU won, not them. Bc they are suffering as well. The only problem is, YOU are the ones who will find better, YOU are the ones WHO WILL BETTER THEMSELVES AND ACHIEVE GREATER THINGS. Take this ****ty energy and turn it into something positive.

[sorano]

Good for you . That's awesome. Makes me feel rather inspired myself .

 

ride it out and go with it!!! That is what I am doing. In the end, we won.

[sorano]

One more thing that helped me out. My good friend, went through a lot in his life. This man has struggled and is now in a better place. He isn;t that religious and doesn't believe in certain things.

 

He went to go speak to someone. Person said you have a lot of negative energy and its bringing you down.

 

Told my friend, just say, god, please surround me with your white light and push this negative energy out. while saying that, with your hands, just push it away. brush your body off with your hands and repeat it over and over. surround me with white light.

 

This is not to push religion on anyone. you have the right to believe what you want and I could care less. If your not hurting anyone and are a good person, its all good. For me, prayer and this is helping me out

[Murek]

 

I can't let these emotions or HER WIN.

 

I just have to tell myself, I got this and can do it. She thinks she won. No. I won. I dodged a bullet and come to think of it, its a blessing. I was a good man and a damn good boy friend to her. wait until she starts to meet those guys again who she warned me about and started crying bc how bad they treated her. Or, she may find someone and marry. Feel sorry for that man. That will be his problem in the future to deal with. She may regret breaking up with me or not. But in the end, to me, she will always be fake. counterfeit. The gum that is stuck underneath my shoes is worth more than her.

 

I will not let this bring me down anymore.

 

I'm glad your trying to take this situation to mould yourself into a better person however... Do not think any less of your ex purely because of a failed relationship. If you are truly worth any salt, or even trying to be a better person you should not degrade a person who you were once eloped with and shared memories with. I understand the need to throw a "scorched earth" policy to make it easier for you to move on but it is not a healthy one.

 

In a failure of a relationship, any type of a breakup there is no winners. Nobody wins - quiet frankly both of you lose, but you both learn.

 

Do not let anger mould you into a cold, callous and bitter person it won't help you. Right now your letting your relationship define you, do not let it. Use this situation as a catalyst to throw you into something that could change so much for you.

 

I absolutely love that you're pursuing a better lifestyle and enjoying things that made you who you were before.

 

Matter of fact take my situation - I had a relationship for 2.5 or however long years. We lived at a distance of.. 80km. I would drive every weekend, every time to see her both ways for the entire duration I took her out payed for everything. I made her feel confident in her own skin, realise her worth. Let her understand that she could achieve far greater things than she could imagine. Be there for her in times when nobody else would be. After working 114 hrs in one week just to drive 500 km just to see her. See Do I resent her for not being able to give me materialistic things no. (OBVS this isn't the whole story) However I was not perfect, I could have done more - but this is not the time nor place to discuss what if's. I've realised my mistakes, I've owned up to them.

 

She broke up with me in the worst period of my life, depression the whole run. Not once have I bad mouthed her, not once have I been angry. Not once will I ever degrade her either. The last time I talked to her I put my feelings aside, and offered my hand for her to get over whatever pain she might be going through - I got no reply afterwards. Does this make me hate her, god no. If I degrade a person who I was once with what does that say about me, I stooped that low to settle for something less than what I am worth.

 

See, I do not let this relationship dictate who I am as a person. I want the best for my ex's. I know my worth, and I want them to realise theirs as well even if that means I have to be hurt in the process.

 

I implore you to take this in a new light, but do not settle for something less than what you think you are worth. I am ecstatic that you're realising all of this but take a step back and be humble as well and wish the best for her despite what occurred. C'est la vie really.