What is more painful??

[greenhorn]

What is more painful..getting dumped after unable to carry out relationship or getting dumped due to our other finding a better person,cheating and then dumping???

[RoxStar]

Getting dumped because they cheated and found someone else...

[BiloxiMS]

I don't know...on the one hand, I see how the one involving cheating can be more demoralizing, but at the same time, it's usually easier for me to walk away from those and quickly realize how much of a loser the person I was dating was to me.

[beejsea2]

I don't think there's a difference either way it's painful. I guess I would have liked to have my ex tell me to my face why he was leaving instead of sneaking off like he did.

 

I guess I would rather be hurt by honesty than by lies.

[LucreziaBorgia]

To be dumped for someone else is to say "I like someone else better".

 

To be dumped, period, is to say "I don't like you and don't want to be with you and need no outside excuse or motivation to leave you. I just want to be rid of you".

 

I find it ultimately more painful when you are dumped for no other reason than the fact that the person just wants to be rid of you.

[jcs0521]

I agree with lucrezia.

 

If you were dumped because there was someone else on the horizon at least you have a solid reason and a chance to work things out if the other person realises their mistake in liking someone else. The fantasy may not live up to the reality.

 

However, if you get dumped and no-one else is to blame (so to speak), then it's worse because you have no-one to blame but yourselves. The chances of reconciliation are worse. The only time the dumper will look back on the old relationship and evaluate it's worth will probably be when things go wrong with the new one, which could be a looooong time after the event.

 

Hope this makes sense.

[greenhorn]

i also agree with Lucrezia but there is one rider.

 

I dont think anyone in this world can say that he or she is best,there always has to be a better person and we cant always change ourself even if we know the reason.

 

If i am in a job i can't suddenly become rich or gain status so wht to say if you were dumped due to someone better than you in terms of job and status..

 

what if someone dumps you cause there was better physical looking person..

 

Yeah in these cases it hurts more ..but if there are cases where you just can connect or compatability issues then Lucrezia's reasoning is perfect..

 

what do you all say ???

[jcs0521]

I don't think it's a case of the other person being "better" than you, just different.

 

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses........as long as you try to project the better side of yourself to other people most of the time and be the best person you can be, than that is all that you can ask of yourself. You did your best.

 

Everyone feels anger, jealousy or some other kind of weakness at times, it doesn't make you a "bad" person.

 

Going off with someone else because of their job, status, looks or station in life is a shallow reason. They may be a sh*tty person on the inside, which the other person will find out about down the road........and you can smile to yourself when they do

 

You're in a relationship because you like the person, you feel happy with them. Only chemistry, compatibility and commitment from both people can make a relationship work long term. It may take a few tries to find the relationship that sticks.

[moon]

I think it does actually depend on the relationship and how much confidence you had in it to begin with. If you had a lot of confidence in it and were dumped, just dumped, because they realized you weren't right for you then that can hurt a lot because in a sense they are basically dumping you for another person.....the one that could be right for them. So even if that "right" person hasn't materialized yet it can hurt a lot if you really loved that person and believed in the relationship while your ex is basically saying they didn't. But I think it is hard to get closure in those types of situations because you might start to wonder if they'll come back when if realize they made a mistake.

 

But I think it hurts way more initially when somebody dumps you for somebody else. This so blatantly happened to me recently. But in fairness to my (dreaded) ex, we had been having a long distance relationship for a while right before we broke up. I left the country to work because I didn't really have a lot of confidence in the relationship. But once I was gone my ex was calling every day and I made trips to see him and we spent all our time making plans together. We had dated and been on and off for four very intense years. In time I became convinced that he and I would be together forever. He asked me to marry him, we'd spend hours on the phone, we just had a very intense relationship. Then when we came together again things didn't work out as we'd planned. He was way more rash about breaking up with me because I feel that he'd found somebody else. It was his next door neighbor. Now I believe they are together. He and I moved in together, so I had to watch this cling on girl (believe me I've never met a more forceful woman in all my life) literally NOT LEAVE US ALONE. My ex is a very good looking guy, so she was obviously attracted. She and my ex had only known each other about a month and he swore nothing had happened ever between them. So anyway, soon enough he broke up with me and started dating her about a week later. It hurt like HELL!!! I was so upset, disappointed and betrayed. I totally blame my ex because he's just so blatantly stupid about his decisions in life anyway. He always makes mistakes (trust me on that one). But I am slowly beginning to realize that the dude just wasn't right for me. He told me everything I wanted to hear, but just couldn't be that man I needed. He attached everything to "us" for so long that I just bought into it.

 

In the end I guess I am happy things didn't work out. I didn't totally trust my ex. He had a very nice compassionate side, we went through a lot together and had a generally decent relationship. But was he "the one" for me??? I doubt it. I always sort of wondered and I think it should be more clear in your mind if somebody is or isn't right. I still do miss him, though, and sometimes feel bad here and there.

 

So anyway, I think getting dumped just plain hurts. I think NC hurts. I think talking to them hurts. But I guess in time it starts to feel okay again. It's been almost four months for me. I guess I could be in a lot more pain right now. I am just happy I didn't break down and call my ex all those times I was furious with him. Why give him that satisfaction? I think it's better just to let it go because in time you forget about many of the things you were mad at. And you're the one who comes out with the prize in the end: that cheater and insensitive person out of your life!

 

Sometimes I think about a quote I heard once: "Sometimes there's only one right choice and you thank God when it's so clear." I think that can also apply to dramatic and horrible things that lead up to a break up (or other life changing experiences). It's like you have no other choice then to go in another direction. It's like ALL the signs are telling you to get the hell out of there. So anyway, that's my two cents.

 

But yeah, I think most break ups (no matter how they come about) suck. They are just very painful, but then sooner or later you get yourself back and you feel okay again....and hopefully a little wiser.

[sundrop]

I have been in both places and both stink.

I think getting dumped for someone else, we easier for me to get over, because I knew there was no chance it taking that person back(my ex husband)...... But it still hurt just the same.

But getting dumped for no reason kind of leaves you grasping that there maybe hope at some point (that's where I am right now, hoping there is another chance. ) this just draws out the healing process....

[jcs0521]

very true